Why You Shouldn’t Waste Time Thinking About The One That Got Away

You thought you were going to end up with this guy and have kids together. He was going to be your soulmate and forever person. Only, things crashed and burned, and now he’s the one that got away. But seriously, thinking of him in such terms can mess with your head and keep you stuck in your past. It’s time to move on, and you’ll feel so much better about your life and future when you do. Here’s why you’ve got to get the one that got away out of your head!

  1. Chances are, he’s not thinking about youLook, he’s called the one that got away for a reason. Maybe he was the one who broke up with you or decided overnight that he was going to fade you out. If he walked away, he doesn’t deserve your pining. He’s moved on with his life, and probably isn’t thinking of you the way you’re thinking of him.
  2. He didn’t “get away.” Thinking of him as the one that got away tells you two things: he’s the one (or so you thought) and he got away, like you had to chase him down to keep him. That sounds crazy if you really pick the words apart. Why did he “get” away? Let’s translate this ’cause it’s sounding like the type of thing a guy will tell you when he stands you up or just doesn’t care about the relationship but is too much of a coward to tell you. Maybe he chose to walk away. Nothing forced him out of his life without his consent.
  3. The one that got away is a myth. We’ve glamorized the idea of the one that got away. It’s become something romantic, like maybe circumstances pulled you apart even though you were crazy in love. Well, think about it this way: if he was meant to be yours, he’d be dating you right now. Besides, when people are crazy in love, they don’t let anything stand in the way of them being together.
  4. He’s a guilt tripper. Another problem with saying someone’s the one that got away is that it implies you let him get away. You weren’t chasing enough or doing enough to keep him there. Again, I call BS on this one. You shouldn’t have to jump through hoops to keep someone in your life. Trying to date someone shouldn’t feel like a hurricane is threatening to sweep him away from you at any second. That’s not a relationship; that’s drama.
  5. He’s a waste of time. While you’re thinking about him and battling to get over him, you’re wasting precious days, weeks, months, and maybe even years on the idea of the guy. He was the one who got away because he wasn’t there for you to see what he’s really like to be in a serious relationship with. If you guys never seriously dated, you don’t even know who, exactly, you’re pining for. He might not even be boyfriend material!

More reasons to stop stressing about the one that got away

  1. He’s never going to come back. He might’ve said he couldn’t be with you because he wasn’t in relationship mode “right now,” which made you think that maybe there was a chance for you guys to rekindle things and get back on track in the future. This just fools you into thinking that he’s your soulmate, but honestly? He’s not with you making things work and doing the hard yards. Giving you hope for a future with him was just a way for him to get away.
  2. He’s saving you for something better. Honestly, usually what happens when someone hurts us or things don’t work out due to external circumstances is that we think we’re never going to find happiness. But that’s BS. In a few months or years, you’ll look back and think, “Damn, thank goodness nothing worked out with that guy.” Your future is so much brighter than he ever could be. He might not know he’s doing you a favor, but he totally is.
  3. He’s more drama than he’s worth. Usually, the one that got away is shrouded in drama. He might’ve seemed perfect when you first met him, but now he’s not in your life and you can’t deal with the heartache. Sometimes this heartache feels more toxic and destructive than it should be. You might even obsess about how he was the one for you. But you’re getting ahead of yourself and making him out to be something he isn’t. Love shouldn’t be this hard.
  4. He shouldn’t be the gold standard. Linked to the previous point is how you might think he’s the standard you’re going to measure everyone else in the dating pool against. Maybe he was perfect for you or looked exactly like the type of guy you imagined you’d end up with, or whatever. But you’re blocking yourself off from other guys who might not have his amazing eyes but are there for you when you need them, or guys who might not have your sense of humor but can make you happier than you ever thought possible. Don’t let the illusion of the one that got away mess with you.
  5. He shouldn’t be put on a pedestal. Maybe he’s not the standard you’re measuring other guys against, but he’s certainly on a pedestal. This can happen as a result of not actually knowing what it’s like to date him. You’re dating the idea of him, in your head, but that never kept anyone happy or warm at night.
  6. He’s wasted enough of your time. Seriously, pack up your box of memories and put it at the back of your closet. You’ve given this guy enough of your heart and mind, and to what end? What has he really given you?
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.