Why Your Boyfriend’s Ex-Girlfriend Isn’t As Bad As You Think

Any woman in the dating world is an ex-girlfriend to someone — a fact we sometimes forget when we’re hating on our current boyfriend’s former girlfriend. It’s uncomfortable to know someone else was with your man the way you are; that she loved him and was loved by him, that they had sex… you get the point. But that’s still no reason to be a bitch to or about her. Put away your jealousy and remember these things about your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend:

  1. You’ll never know it all. You can never know all the details of their relationship, and you’re only getting one side of the story. Remember that before you judge her.
  2. She put up with his crap, too! All of the annoying things he does, like leaving beard hair all over the bathroom or refusing to put his socks in the hamper that’s only six inches away — she dealt with all of that, too. She loved him in spite of it all, too, so maybe you aren’t that different.
  3. She probably doesn’t want him back. Just because she’s still in his life doesn’t guarantee she has some master plan to get him back. If their relationship was rough, she probably doesn’t want him romantically anymore. I’m not saying you three should hang out together, but Facebook likes are not a scheme to replace you.
  4. She’s still a person. Even though we usually think of them as monsters, his ex-girlfriend is still a human being with feelings. If she isn’t creeping back into the picture or trying to get him back, then she’s probably just like the rest of us exes and just working on mending a broken heart and finding someone better for her.
  5. Her loss is your gain. I have always inwardly thanked ex-girlfriends for their part in ending the relationship. If it hadn’t ended, you wouldn’t be dating your boyfriend. This might be a little mean, but hey, she can find a great guy for her now and secretly thank his ex-girlfriends, too.
  6. She might know stuff you don’t. This one is hard, because we never want to trust ex-girlfriends or believe anything they say, but I’ve had some warn me before about boyfriends and be totally right. One time, he was telling us both he loved us and hated the other. Another time, he was cheating on me with the same girl he had cheated on his ex with and she found out and told me. I didn’t believe her at first, but she sparked my suspicion and it turned out to be true.
  7. She’s angrier with him than she is with you. It’s not your fault they broke up (unless it is, then disregard this one) and hopefully she isn’t blaming you. She’s probably a little bit jealous and definitely upset, but mostly with him. Just because you feel threatened by her doesn’t mean she feels the same.
  8. This hurts worse for her than for you. I have one ex that I stayed friends with for a variety of reasons, and even though I never tried to get him back, it still stung when he had new girlfriends. I knew what a great guy he was, and I knew I wasn’t the right girl for him, but that didn’t stop it from hurting when he was happy with someone else — especially when I was single.
  9. Maybe it’s him. Maybe it’s your boyfriend reaching out to her, and not the opposite way around. Obviously, she doesn’t have to respond to him, but if he is initiating it, I can’t say I blame her. Men are equally as guilty as women, so keep that in mind.
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314