Why Your Ex Comes Back Just When You’re Happy To Let Him Go

Getting over your ex was hard, but why does it sometimes feel like just when you’re ready to move on and be happy again, he’s suddenly texting you “hey, what’s up” messages? He might even be hinting that he’s keen for a relationship sequel. Where was he when you would’ve given your hair extensions for him to call you? It’s maddening but it’s not mysterious. Here’s the lowdown on what’s really going on so that you don’t get caught up in the past. Your future’s way too bright for him to hold you back.

  1. He’s scared you’re walking away. He might’ve grown used to the idea of you always being around in case he needed you. How convenient for him. Now that he’s heard through the grapevine that you’re ready to get back out there and move on with your life, it freaks him out. He has a picture in his mind of the woman you are and it’s changing.
  2. He wants what he can’t have. When you were in his life and popping up on his phone every day, the guy took you for granted. Now that you’re done with him, he’s suddenly interested. Ugh. He’s the type of guy who wants what he can’t have. He’ll wonder “What if?” a lot, like “What if we got together again?” or “What if things could be awesome?” But he just wants you because you’re out of reach. Those questions never really have the answers you want to hear.
  3. He loves the thrill of the chase. He might not just want what he can’t have, but be the type of guy who loves the chase. He’ll chase you until he gets you, then he’ll suddenly lose interest. Maybe that’s what happened in your relationship with him and it caused you to have to end things for your own sanity. You don’t need to step onto that rollercoaster. Keep walking away, ladies.
  4. He needs you for something. Maybe the reason why he seems keen to stay in touch with you is really because of how he now needs something from you. It might be cash because he’s a man-child who can’t handle his own responsibilities, like paying rent. Or, maybe it’s sex because he’s horny and lonely. Whatever it is, run away from this guy. He’s a user.
  5. He wants an ego boost. He liked the idea of you being around in his life so that if he wanted to reach out, you’d be there. This wasn’t just convenient, as we already mentioned, but it gave him a nice ego boost. If something went wrong, he could pick up the phone and offload on you to feel better. If he needed a bit of fun or laughter, he knew who to call. Now that you’re moving away from him, he’s getting scared that he won’t have you there to pep-talk him out of his drama.
  6. He’s got a case of nostalgia. It’s totally normal to feel a bit of nostalgia when a relationship comes to an end. Maybe the guy’s only remembering all the good times you both shared now that you’re moving on. It makes the breakup so much more real. It’s easy to get caught up in this, thinking that maybe when he talks to you about the good times it means he wants to repeat them, but remember why you walked away from him in the first place.
  7. He’s acting jealous. The dude is totally jealous about the fact that you’re moving on and getting back into the dating game. How do you know? He acts weird when he finds out you’re dating someone new, or he expresses surprise – perhaps even bitterness – when he sees you looking like you’re having the time of your life on social media. Hmmm. He might reach out to try to get you to start thinking about him again, but it’s all based on his own insecurity.
  8. He doesn’t like that you’re in pole position. He might be a bit petty when it comes to you moving on because he wanted to be the first one to move on. Insert eye roll. Yup, it’s all a competition to him. Now that you’re the one moving on and finding someone else before him, it doesn’t sit well with him. Too bad, so sad. You’ve got fun people to see and awesome things to do!
  9. He wants options. Sometimes a guy will seem to wake up and take notice of you again because he just wants to know that he’s still got options. In other words, he wants to know that you’re there for him if he needs a date at the last minute or a sexting session late at night. SMH. Take yourself out of the equation and he’ll be feeling put out. His problem, not yours.
  10. He actually wants to get back together. Wait, what? While it might surprise you that your ex could have realized that he should be with you, and you’re suspicious of how he only had this lightbulb moment when you decided to move on, it could happen that he realized he made a huge mistake letting you go. It sometimes happens at that last minute, just when he thinks you’re going to be out of his life forever. If this is the case, he’ll show you that he’s keen on something real and serious and not just wasting your time. The ball’s in your court to decide if you want to go back to the past or keep strutting on with a different future.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.