This might seem like a bad article, or like something that you wouldn’t read if you were really in love. However, I’m going to stop you right there. If you’re not having arguments with your partner, then you’re not in a relationship. That’s a monologue or a distracting dance break. A performance. Someone won’t be saying that they really mean and that’s the communication killer for relationships. That’s why it’s actually a good thing to be annoyed by your partner on occasion, or even regularly. You don’t have to be a saint to be a good girlfriend, and here’s why.
- It just means you’re too similar. Maybe you’ve just spent lockdown together. You’re probably getting annoyed with your partner because you’re seeing yourself in them. I know we all do it. We all see other people make mistakes that we either made previously or that we worry that we make. We lash out as a result. It’s not their fault necessarily, but it almost feels like an attack. A sneaky insight into an insecurity that you didn’t want to acknowledge. Maybe just take some space when you can and you’ll be refreshed in no time. Plus, most people merge into each other when they’ve been dating long enough anyway, just keep an eye on it.
- You’re spending too much time together. Maybe you’re starting to stop hanging out with other friends. You’re exclusively in each other’s company. This means that, on the one hand, you’re not doing fun things with other friends, but you’re also running out of things to do with your partner – and yet you feel like you should want to spend time with them always. This isn’t true, though. It’s natural and common to spend time apart. That’s how you stay well-rounded and fun-loving and can actually return to your partner with things to talk about! Make sure you make room for other people in your life, and you’ll stop fixating on your partner’s idiosyncrasies.
- You’re unenriched. Maybe they’re getting a little lazy and a little too content in the relationship. When was the last time you guys actually planned a fun date night or day out together? Are you getting bored in the apartment trying to find something new on Netflix? Why not take the initiative and go on a trip somewhere spontaneous? You don’t have to go far or break the bank. Just try a picnic or go to the theatre. Something low pressure where other people can bring the culture to you.
- Annoyance is a new phase in a relationship. This is a bit like when your partner tells you there’s a booger on your face for the very first time. It’s not like this doesn’t happen to everyone, and it’s not like you didn’t want to be told, but you still feel embarrassed. It shows that you’re both familiar with each other in a new, intimate way. More than that, you might start to nag each other, or pester each other in new ways than before. Where it was all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll before, now it’s all about domestic bliss and making sure you maintain your shared spaces and living areas. Priorities change. If you feel yourself getting annoyed at your partner, it probably just signals this moment of change, adjustment, and transition.
- Be kind to yourself. First of all, remember that it’s perfectly okay to be annoyed by your partner. It’s healthy. It means that you’re not in the first honeymoon stage of courting. You can actually see each other’s flaws and look them in the eye, and love them all the more for it. This also means that you can love your partner in waves. Life happens, things change, life moves on. Your emotions and feelings are allowed to change with that. Roll with the punches and know that you love them in spite of these silly spats. You might think that you’re getting bored and spoiling for a fight just to feel something different. Don’t mistake peace and happiness for numbness. Give yourself a minute to figure out the difference.
- Communicate. Anything is a communication opportunity. If his dirty shoes are bugging you, tell him! He’ll fix it quickly and there’s no use suffering in silence for no reason. Part of the reason these small issues become major ones is that you don’t nip them in the bud when they’re fresh. Do both of you a favor and speak up.
- Establish a new dialogue about needs. Check in again and figure out what these annoyances might be telling you. Do you see new boundaries emerging, or old ones dissolving? Discuss that.
- Redefine relationship boundaries. This is always a great time for an honest conversation to air any grievances and stop them from festering. Better out than in.
Find ways of being calm, kind, and mindful when your partner bugs you. Communicate clearly and you can fix everything.
