Why Your Relationship Will Fail If You’re Not All In

If you’ve ever watched The Bachelor, you know how important it is to let your walls down and throw your whole self into love, or else you’ll be sent home. It’s the same in real life. When you meet a great guy, you have to be willing to go all in on building a relationship or it’ll be over before it really starts.

  1. You won’t put in all the effort you should.If you want to be together forever, you can’t let a silly fight lead to a breakup—but that’s exactly what will happen if you have a backup plan. You won’t be motivated to fix whatever’s broken in your relationship, because you know you have another man to fall back on. That means the man you’re currently with won’t get all the attention and affection he deserves.
  2. You’re preparing for failure.It’s dangerous to daydream about your relationship falling apart. If it’s something that you constantly think about, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. You might even start seeing problems where there aren’t any, because your mind is poisoned by thoughts about a breakup.
  3. You’re agreeing to settle for second-best.Since your boyfriend is the love of your life, your backup boyfriend must be inferior. If you’re open to the idea of marrying your backup instead, that means you’re actually willing to settle for second-best, and that’s an insult to yourself. You only deserve the best.
  4. It’s an insult to your partner.If you really loved him, the thought of living without him wouldn’t even cross your mind. Plus, if your partner ever found out that you have an entire life plan in case you two split up, it would break his heart. Is that what you want?
  5. They take time away from your real plan.If you waste time thinking about where you’d live and who you’d date if your relationship failed, you won’t have any time to think about where your wedding would be or what your children would look like if your relationship succeeded. If you focus too heavily on the negative you won’t have any time to think about the positive.
  6. You should live in the moment.You shouldn’t be so worried about the future of your relationship that you forget to spend time enjoying the present. Take life one day at a time. You’ll be happier that way.
  7. You shouldn’t be dating someone replaceable.If you think you can replace your boyfriend with some other guy, then is your boyfriend even worth dating? You should be with someone unique, someone who can give you what no other man can.
  8. Love doesn’t stick to plans.You can plan out your entire life, but you can’t expect your heart to follow any of those plans. Your feelings can’t be predicted or even explained at times. That’s why creating a backup plan is pointless.
  9. It’s a form of cheating.If you string another man along, because you want to keep him around in case your relationship fails, you’re screwing over two guys at the same time. Your boyfriend and the boy you’re giving false hope to don’t deserve to be treated like your playthings. They’re human, too.
  10. It shows you don’t have faith in your relationship.If you have a backup plan, it proves that you have doubts about your relationship. If you really loved your partner, and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, you’d try your best to make things work with him instead of using that time to create a backup plan.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.