A man without integrity is just a boy with growing up to do. Unless you have a son, you’re no guy’s mama. Stop waiting around for an unlikely miracle to happen and start recognizing who needs to cut off early on. Here are 8 reasons why walking away from a lack of effort is better than staying with less.
- It’s seriously not your job to change him or help him grow up. He probably knows what he’s doing and is just used to not facing any consequences. He needs to start hearing “no” and having doors closed on him to get the wakeup call he needs. Women have to stop enabling crappy male behavior by tiptoeing around them.
- It will drain you. Guys like that are usually self-absorbed. They never see the fault in their own actions but pick apart everything you do wrong or that doesn’t serve their needs. They will get defensive with you if you try to point out the obvious and would rather get combative than admit fault or apologize for not stepping up their efforts.
- It may be intentional. Don’t assume his partial effort is an oversight or ignorance. He could be either manipulative or lazy. I know from my experience, I always aim to look like a 7 or 8 on a first date rather than a full 10. This isn’t with ill intent—I just don’t want to set the bar too high and have to maintain a dream I sold then seem like a disappointment on a casual chill day. I also want to leave an option to impress a guy even more later if we end up regularly seeing one another. But holding back behavior-wise as opposed to appearance is lame. A guy who lowballs his effort on an initial encounter only has worse to go from there. It’s like he’s gauging how little you will tolerate and how much he gets away with doing. If he’s comfortable with this toxic tactic it will only escalate. Let him know upfront you’re not here for the BS and he needs to bring his A-game from day one or try his luck elsewhere.
- You shouldn’t tolerate less than you deserve. Have you ever heard the biblical advice to not be unequally yoked? If you’re on different levels, you either have to lower yourself for him or he has to step up for you. Which do you feel like is more likely to happen? You shouldn’t have to lower your standards or expectations for someone else to be comfortable while you’re not. There’s a reason for the uneasy feeling you have when you swallow your reservations, ignore your gut, and excuse behavior you don’t really want to let slide.
- Settling is serving no one. There’s someone for everyone and if his type and amount of effort don’t speak to your particular preferences and love language it’s not to say it wouldn’t appeal to someone else. Maybe you want to talk/text often but another woman prefers her space. What you see as half-hearted may translate to a breath of fresh air to someone else. If you’re not impressed, just let that person go to find their true match while you find yours.
- You may get overlooked by a real man. A guy with morals and values isn’t going to want to pursue someone who is taken. You may be robbing yourself of the opportunity to be discovered by a true gem if you’re never available when you encounter eligible bachelors. If you know the guy you’re with isn’t making the cut, just fully sever the ties so the universe knows you’re free to be seen. If may not send anyone your way until you act like you’re ready.
- Being single is a good thing. Why rush the inevitable? Once you enter that one true committed long-term relationship, that’s it. You’re locked in for life with someone and never looking back. That’s year after year waking up to the same face. If you knew for certain you would meet your final destination at some point, wouldn’t you just want to live it up and do all the things you might not be able to do as freely now? Just live your life until that person comes along and changes things a bit permanently.
- You may be in need of time to yourself. Being alone gives you a good chance to reflect on why you’re attracting these types of guys and restrategize how to set and enforce boundaries for the next one. You want to learn how to present yourself as someone who’s not inviting these types of shenanigans. For example, this may come as a shocker but some women on dating apps (myself and a few others I personally know) never receive unsolicited dick pics. We either just have our RBF down pat on an expert level or we’re good at weeding through who to even initiate contact with in the first place. Either way, you may be getting what you’re getting for a reason.