When our hearts are not able to receive love during one of the most intimate precious moments of a relationship, there’s healing to be done. If you’re finding that the emotional connection between you and your partner just isn’t there during sex, here’s what could be going on.
Your self-esteem is dangerously low. When you lack self-esteem, you spend most of your days stuck in your head quietly picking at yourself, especially during an act as vulnerable as sex. If you find yourself feeling embarrassed or overly concerned with the way your body looks instead of the connection being shared, this is most likely the case. Turn inward and find why you see yourself in this negative light and pull yourself out of that hole because we’re all queens and kings.
You’re addicted to sex. Sex — like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs — can be addictive and people turn to it in order to escape the stress or pain they currently feel. If it’s the first thing you think about after emotional or mental stressful events or you feel a physical need for it, you may be experiencing a sex addiction. The cause of the numbness is that sex is being used as an escape rather than a way of connecting with another person.
You don’t realize your worth. We live in a society that glamorizes sex and promiscuity, so it isn’t surprising that people intertwine their self-worth and sexual conquests. Relying on sexual attraction to determine your worth can cause you to feel emotionally disconnected from intimacy. It’s taken on a different definition in your life when it stops being about sharing oneself and receiving love.
You’re running from something. We all have baggage, whether it’s from our childhood or adult lives, and it’s essential to heal this baggage instead of running from it. Falling into the trap of using sex or intimacy to distract yourself from the issues weighing on your heart will cut you off from what it means to share your body with another person. There’s something much deeper that you can feel intimately rather than numbers and it starts with letting go of past pain.
You don’t love yourself enough. Have you found yourself in and out of relationships that always leave you feeling lack? You may be searching for self-love outside of yourself and sex is one of the ways in which you seek it. You aren’t making sure that your heart is full of self-love and you’re still giving to the point where you feel empty. Sex is its best when two whole people come together and share love, not try to find a reason to love themselves in another.
You’re scared of intimacy. I struggled with the fear of intimacy for a while and found it was all about trying to protect myself from further hurt. It comes in between relationships of all types because you don’t want to connect too deeply, revealing the real you. You create a mask for the outside world and a shield to keep people out, which obviously affects your sex life. You can’t partake in something that requires vulnerability if you don’t reveal your true self, flaws and all.
You don’t believe you deserve love. Feeling like you don’t deserve to be showered with love can cause trouble in your sex life. This automatically closes your heart off to accepting love shown through intimacy, conversation, or displays of affection. Sit with yourself and make it a priority to find why you feel like you don’t deserve to be loved and how you have been blocking it out of your life.
You have unresolved trauma. With more people coming out about sexual assault and giving strength to those who are harboring pain, it’s an inspiration to see so many women taking their power back. Trauma is a sensitive case and can create a distance between connecting to your partner during sex. In this case, it’s best to seek a professional to help guide you through this healing process.
Your relationship history has left you jaded. Victims of verbal, emotional, or mental abuse can suffer in their later relationships due to mistrust. When someone you love and trust abuse you, it can become hard to let someone else in even if their intentions are good. Bad love can have a damaging effect on our ability to connect with sex because opening up is now a fear.
You’re not listening to yourself. We have an emotional body, mental body, and physical body and each one has its own specific needs that need to be met in order to function optimally. There are times when we simply don’t want to be intimate with anyone and it’s healthy to listen to that nudge because it usually means something more important needs your attention. Your intuition is calling for you to turn inward and pay attention, and when those moments come, it’s about honoring yourself first.
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