After my wife and I got married, I admittedly got too comfortable and stopped trying as much as I did when we were dating. When I turned her down for sex one night, she frustratingly claimed that she was going to find someone who’d show her attention when she wanted it and I told her to go for it. It ended up changing our relationship in some pretty big ways.
I never really thought she would do it. She downloaded Tinder immediately and began swiping. This really didn’t bother me because I knew my wife—she’d never have the guts to actually meet up with a complete stranger, let alone actually sleep with one. What would she say? “Hey, my lesbian wife isn’t giving me enough attention—could you help me with that?” Honestly, that would probably score her tons of dates since she was swiping on guys!
She actually matched with a guy and I got a little jealous. Someone else was checking out my wife and she was checking him out too and to be honest, I didn’t really like it. App chatting quickly turned into texting which quickly turned into sexting. Even though I had the privilege of reading all of the messages, I could quickly feel my blood beginning to boil.
I didn’t think guys were competition—hello, we’re gay! Still slightly confused as to why she was so into guys all of the sudden, I reassured myself that men were no match for me. I mean, who knows a woman’s body better than another woman? I knew he wouldn’t be able to do the things that I could do so worrying was a waste of time (or so I told myself).
She surprised us both and actually met up with this guy. WTF? I obviously misjudged her. Seeing her get dressed up for someone else—especially when she rarely does that for me anymore—made me realize that she was serious about looking for someone else and I didn’t like it.
She slept with him and I didn’t know how to react. She came home from her date with the guy all hot and bothered and fell into bed with me exhausted and ready to go to sleep. Either she really did just cheat on me or she’s a great actor. A small part of me was hoping for the latter but a big part of me feared the worst. I wanted to ask a ton of questions, but I wasn’t exactly sure if “Was he as good as me?” was appropriate. I mean, what if she said yes?
Did that mean I could cheat too? Jealousy finally got the better of me and I made a Tinder profile of my own. I loved the thrill of possibly matching with a hot girl—I definitely wasn’t interested in meeting guys—and hey, if my wife could do it, I could too, right? I enjoyed a few dates and loved feeling like a teenager again.
Opening up our relationship actually really turned me on. My wife and I had fallen into a new norm. We loved showing off our matches to each other and I’m not going to lie, there were more than a few threesome fantasies. Though I don’t usually like to share, the very idea of doing so really brought a spark back into our lives.
Our sex life improved after sleeping with other people. We didn’t have a ton of other partners or even meet up with half of our matches, but our few rendezvous were fun and brought us closer. After all, is messing around with other people really that much different than fantasizing about other people during sex? We didn’t really see an issue.
I started chasing my wife all over again. Thinking about my wife going on dates with other people or even just texting them made me feel like I wanted to do everything I could to win her over again. Her eyes were focused on someone else and I had to work harder for her attention; she did the same. We began doing all the stuff we did before we got married and it felt amazing.
Occasionally sleeping with other people doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Of course we’re in love. If anything, this experience helped bring us back together and remember why we fell in love in the first place. I love that no matter how many matches she gets, it’s me she comes home to at night. Oh, and she totally agrees that a man is no match for a woman.
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