It can be very frustrating to feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you’ve been together for a long time and things are getting pretty serious. In your mind, you might be ready to take your relationship to the next level of commitment and get engaged or even just move in together. However, if your partner isn’t making any moves to take the next step with you, you might be left wondering if it’ll ever happen. Will he ever commit? Not if you notice these signs.
He avoids the topic whenever you mention it. If your partner seems to avoid even discussing the idea of getting more serious within your relationship, it could be a sign that he just doesn’t want those things yet. It’s possible that the idea of settling down makes him uncomfortable or makes him feel like he’s being tied down or suffocated. It’s also possible that he’s still trying to work out his feelings for you and doesn’t know yet if he sees a future with you. Whatever the reason, if he’s refusing to even talk about it with you, it’s a sign he’s avoiding it altogether.
He does things to establish his independence. Often when guys want to make it clear to the person that they’re seeing that they’re not looking for anything serious at the moment, they’ll do small, subtle things to get this point across. If your guy insists on not leaving personal items at your place and prefers if you don’t leave yours at his place, if he goes days without contacting you, or makes plans with friends without letting you know or inviting you, these are all ways that he could be trying to let you know that he prefers a life separate from your relationship. This type of behavior is common at the beginning of relationships but if you’ve been together for a while and he’s still trying to remain totally independent, it’s a sign that he’s not planning on settling down with you.
He doesn’t try to get to know your friends and family. Getting to know the people that matter the most to you is definitely something that your partner should be eager to do if they see a long-term future with you. Your partner should want to impress your family and friends at the beginning and get close to them because the things that are important to you are important to them too. However, if your partner is apathetic about knowing your friends, seems uncomfortable around your family, and doesn’t really make an effort to form relationships with them, it could be a sign that he doesn’t see himself in your life very long and doesn’t feel the need to form close bonds with the people in your life.
He doesn’t like making future plans. Even if you haven’t been bringing up the topic of serious commitment, if he seems to skirt around all future plans like vacations together and events that are months or years away, it could be a sign that he isn’t planning on sticking around forever. Men who aren’t sure if they want to be with you long-term will avoid planning things with you because they don’t want to feel obligated to stay with you for a certain amount of time.
He gives you excuses when you ask him about your future together. If you’ve been together for a while, you might be to the point where you’re asking him questions about when he’s planning to propose to you, when he thinks you’ll be ready to move in together, etc. If he never gives you a straight answer and instead comes back with excuses or even time frames for you, it’s a sign he’s just buying himself time to avoid it altogether. By time frames I mean, telling you that he’ll propose to you when you’ve been together another year, or telling you that you can move in together once he gets further ahead in his career. If he really wanted to do these things, nothing would be stopping him.
He keeps secrets. If it seems like there are things that he keeps from you or just doesn’t want to tell you about, it could be a sign that he’s trying to hold on to the independence that he had before he was with you. It’s important to maintain independence in any relationship but if your partner goes to certain lengths to hide details from you or seems to have a lot of secrets, there’s a chance that he’s not planning on giving up his bachelor tendencies any time soon.
He doesn’t seem too concerned with keeping you. Men that don’t have any desire to commit or settle down won’t feel the need to constantly show you how much they care and how intent they are in keeping you in their lives. Sure, they might like you and enjoy spending time with you but when it comes down to it, they’re not going to fight for you and your relationship that way someone who wants to be with you the rest of their life will and that’s what you deserve.
He tells you that he just doesn’t believe in the institution. There are some people out there who don’t believe in marriage or traditional relationship constructs, that’s true, but when it comes to confronting your partner about why they haven’t fully committed to you or when you’re going to start discussing your future together if they come back at you with the excuse that they just don’t believe in marriage or exclusivity, etc, it’s usually just an excuse. If he really wanted to be with you forever, he would care about the things that are important to you in your relationship like commitment. If he’s not willing to meet you halfway, he’s not worth your time.
He won’t get deep with you. Oftentimes, men that don’t want to commit will avoid getting into deep conversations and letting you see the vulnerable side of them. They might be afraid that if they let you see that part of them, they will be open to getting hurt or they might be persuaded into a serious relationship when they want to stay a bachelor forever. The fact of the matter is that if he won’t be real with you, he’s just not the right guy for you. You deserve to be with someone who wants all of the same things that you do and will give you those things. Don’t settle for someone who isn’t compatible with you and wants a totally different life than you do. Wait for the right one. I promise it’ll be worth it.