Marriage is the ultimate goal for some and a source of anxiety for others. While there are those who know in their bones that marriage is for them, there are also those who aren’t the marrying type. Neither is wrong, but if you are the marrying type, a relationship with someone who isn’t can cause a lot of pain and tension. Are you wondering if he’s ever going to put a ring on it? Read these 10 signs that suggest you might be waiting forever.
- He’s scared of commitment. If your partner is scared of commitment, there’s a good chance that he (or she) is never going to want to tie the knot. For several reasons, some people just fear settling down and committing to something long-term. And marriage tends to be the mother of long-term commitments. If it was difficult for him to commit to being your boyfriend, you can almost guarantee that those same fears are going to rise again when the topic of an engagement comes up.
- He speaks poorly of marriage in general. It’s a red flag if he speaks poorly of marriage in general. It’s tempting to think that, even though he always badmouths marriage, you’ll be the one to change his mind. But that kind of wishful thinking could cause you to waste a lot of time with someone who’s never going to change. If he doesn’t believe in marriage at all, he probably won’t want to marry you.
- He hates talking about the future. It’s not a great sign if the person you’re seeing doesn’t want to talk about the future. Is he the kind of guy who tells you to stop planning ahead and start living in the moment? Does he not want to hear about your future plans? It could be because he doesn’t envision a future with you, let alone a legally binding marriage contract.
- He gets angry when you bring up marriage. Pay attention to how he reacts when you do bring up marriage. Obviously, any person would get sick of hearing about it if that’s all you talk about. But if you’ve only mentioned it once or twice and he’s hit the roof, tread with caution. That could mean it’s touching a nerve. It might be that marriage brings up issues for him or he just isn’t interested in it and is definitely not about to budge.
- He shuts down when you disagree. Even if you have never spoken about marriage, you can gauge where a man stands on the topic through his behavior. If he can’t handle conflict and shuts down whenever the two of you disagree, it probably means that he’s not ready for a healthy long-term relationship. All couples argue. Disagreements are part of relationships and part of marriage. Not wanting any part of that probably means he isn’t signing up for a real long-term arrangement any time soon.
- He never gives you a straight answer about where you stand. Mixed messages are actually very clear messages in disguise. Unfortunately, they’re often mixed because they’re messages that we don’t want to hear. If he can’t give you a straight answer about where you stand in the relationship, it’s probably because you don’t stand where you’d like to. In his eyes, the relationship might not be as serious as it is in yours—definitely not serious enough to have those talks. If he doesn’t regard you highly enough to be straight with you, he isn’t likely to be considering marriage either.
- He doesn’t like any labels. The guy who doesn’t like labels should be a massive red flag to someone who has marriage on their mind. Not liking labels often comes back down to the fear of commitment and the desire to remain free. If he won’t call himself your boyfriend, you have very little chance of getting him to call himself your husband.
- He’s reluctant to share any of his life with you. Marriage is about two lives coming together. Two spouses share a life, but that doesn’t just start happening on the day they exchange vows. They arrive at that point after slowly intertwining the different areas of their individual lives. So it’s not good news if he doesn’t want to share any of his life with you. In other words, if you’ve never met his friends or family. He doesn’t talk about his problems with you. And outside the confines of your relationship, you don’t really know him. Shutting you out like that shows that he might not be interested in ever joining his life with yours.
- You don’t feel like his future spouse. Never underestimate the power of your own feelings. Do you really feel like his partner? Like someone who could marry him one day? Usually, if he’s been acting in ways that suggest he’s not interested in marriage, you would have picked up on them. Even on a subconscious level, you’d know that something isn’t quite right. Trust your gut feeling and try to work out where it’s coming from. If you do feel like he’s never going to ask, there’s a chance he’s been letting you know that with subtle comments and actions.
- None of this ever changes. The really big and blaring sign that he’s never going to pop the question is this: most of the stuff on this list applies, and it never changes. The thing is that some of these signs are actually totally normal in the beginning of a relationship. You probably won’t meet his family right off the bat. It’d be weird if he did want to talk about marriage in the first few weeks. And he isn’t likely to want to label your relationship after a few dates. What really matters is if these things ever change. When he does set his sights on being your husband, he will eventually be okay with labels. He will start to share his life with you. The real red flag is when you’ve been together for enough time and these signs stay the same.
