Will I Ever Find Love? At This Point, I Kinda Doubt It

I’m not really hung up about being single. I like my life and don’t feel like not being in a relationship is making me miss out on anything. But, I’m not gonna lie: it’d be nice to find a decent guy to share my life with. That’s the dream, right? However, with every toxic man who ghosts me and every date that goes seriously wrong, I have to wonder if I ever will find love. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it’s possible.

  1. I’ve stopped dating as much as I used to because it’s so bad. I used to be on multiple dating apps. I’d spend an hour or so a day swiping and answering messages. I went out to bars with my friends on the weekend and hung out in bookstores and coffee shops where I assumed other single people might be. Nada. These days, I feel like it’s foolish to believe “putting myself out there” will ever help me find love. I still do all those things (besides the dating apps) because I enjoy them, but I’m not looking for dates.
  2. Available guys don’t seem to want to settle down in relationships. I’m generalizing here, but that’s because that’s exactly what I’ve experienced. Even if they say they’re looking for something long-term, the truth soon becomes evident. Why say you want to find love when the other person will find out in the end? It’s a waste of my time and theirs and I’m over it.
  3. Dating apps are fruitless but meeting “the old-fashioned way” is a joke. Again, I’ve done both. There are a ton more people on apps and you can weed out the incompatible ones more quickly. However, the likes of Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble are all full of people who either ghost you, ignore you, or literally never make plans to meet up. The romantic notion of a meet-cute is also foolish. How are people meeting their partners these days? I’m truly baffled.
  4. I’m not interested in pointless hookups. I might wonder if I’ll ever find love, but I’m certainly not short on options for sex. If all I wanted was to get laid, I’d be golden. However, I’ve done the whole casual hookup thing and it’s just not fulfilling. I want something deeper and more meaningful, and that seems to be sorely lacking in the world.
  5. There are millions of women in the same position as me. I know I’m not alone because literally, my entire friend group save for one person is in the exact same position as me. We all want to find love, but we doubt if we ever will. We’re frustrated with the lack of viable options, the game-playing, and the terrible behavior of men in the dating scene. We’re slowly but surely losing faith in love, and that’s a scary prospect.
  6. I don’t feel like I’m asking for much, but guys seem to disagree. All I want is a guy who cares about me, tells me the truth, and makes an effort to be with me. It literally is that simple. I’m not setting the bar unrealistically high or asking to be treated like a Disney princess. I feel like the things I want are base-level stuff. However, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been called “controlling” or “crazy” for holding a guy to these very minimal standards. It’s truly mind-blowing.
  7. I could do life alone, I just don’t want to. Seems like I might not have a choice, though. I’m not someone who’s afraid to be single or terrified of dying alone. I have a pretty full life as it is. However, I would legitimately like to meet someone to share this journey with. Isn’t connection what life is all about? That being said, it looks like the choice might be taken out of my hands because good partners are few and far between.
  8. I’m not even sure the kind of guy I’m looking for is out there. Despite not asking for the moon and stars, the fact that I haven’t been able to find what I’m looking for makes me wonder if it even exists. Love is out there. It has to be, right? And yet, my inability to find it has me doubting myself on a daily basis and wondering if I’m crazy for even trying.
  9. I’m turning into a pessimist about love and I hate that. I don’t want to feel this way. While I never want to kid myself into thinking that Prince Charming is going to come knocking down my door on his white horse (gross!), I also don’t want to become so cynical and jaded about love that I convince myself it’s not worth trying. The problem is, I’m not sure how to change how I’m feeling. There’s a bit of an epidemic of women who are losing our ability to give a s**t about love and relationships because of everything we’ve been through. Something needs to change.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.
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