Why I’ll Never Sext A Guy I Like

Why I’ll Never Sext A Guy I Like ©iStock/filadendron

Sexting can be super fun, but I don’t sext every guy I date — especially the guys who I want a real relationship with. I’m fine with sending dirty messages to guys I just want a quick round of fun with, but this is why I hold back when I’m pursuing a guy I’m actually interested in:

  1. I need to test him first. I don’t know what he wants from me yet, but I DO know that I like him, so it’s worth it to find out his intentions. If I were to sext him, I’ll never know if he wanted something deeper than just casual sex with me. Yes, I can be very sneaky.
  2. I want a shot at something long-term. Even if he had no intention of something serious with me, I still want to at least keep that possibility open for myself. By keeping it strictly PG, the chances of our relationship progressing to a more committed type of situation is way more likely.
  3. I don’t want to seem like I’m “easy to get.” Even though sexting is just for fun and more like a promise of things to come, I don’t want him thinking that I’m always DTF. I am a lady worth fighting for, and it’s going to take more than a few texts to get me into bed with you.
  4. I want him to know my soul first. I want him to really know me before I embark on any sexual speculations. I want this guy to be my boyfriend, not just another dude who sometimes texts me and doesn’t even really know (or care) who I am. Of course I should assume that he’s a nice guy and wouldn’t do something like that, but I might as well put the odds in my favor.
  5. He’s relationship material, so obviously I’m gonna take it slow. This guy is so great. He’s sweet and funny, and he sincerely cares about me, which is exactly why I am not going to hint at sex with him. We have a true connection, and I want to explore that further before adding the idea of sex into the mix.
  6. I hate to say it, but refusing to sext makes me seem like I’m “high-quality.” I’m not trying to slut-shame any girl who sexts, because I will be the first one to send dirty messages to a guy I’m interested in sexually. I don’t think it makes me necessarily “low quality,” but it does seem to make the guy not put as much time or effort into me. I’m basically giving this guy the illusion that I’m worth it, until he finds out how awesome I am for himself.
  7. I don’t want to encourage booty calls. The bane of every girl’s existence is none other than the booty call. Nothing will make you roll your eyes harder than “hey, you up?” I’m sure my Prince Charming would never do that, but I’m not going to encourage his booty-call tendencies by egging them on with a sext.
  8. I get to see right away whether he likes me, too. By not giving in to the new standard of being open for sex immediately, I can see whether or not he likes me in the same way I like him. If he keeps contacting me even though we haven’t had sex or exchanged any hints of it, I’ll know that he really wants to be with me.
  9. The stakes are high, so my sext game isn’t going to be very good. I can be awkward AF when it comes to sexting. I’ve been known to look up phrases online and just paste them into my text convos. The guys think I’m a poet, but if I were to sext the guy I really like, it would just be a disaster and way more awkward than if I were to sext a rando I wanted to hook up with. So let’s just skip the whole thing, shall we?
  10. I don’t want him to think I’m using him. Guys can feel used too, and I don’t want to send my potential beau any messages of the sort. What if he really likes me, but then thinks that I only want to use him for his hardware? This is why I hold off the sexts until AFTER we’re official. It can get confusing for him otherwise.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.