Getting involved with a player is a risky game. Some guys really do find a woman who makes them want to settle down and stop sowing their wild oats, but others are in no hurry to stop sleeping with every girl who’s interested. So will he ever commit to you or what? Ask yourself these questions.
- Does he balk at the idea of a future with you? We’re not talking conversations about marriage and babies here, just anything slightly down the road. Anyone who’s even considering committing to you won’t freak out when you ask if he’d like to go to a concert with you in three weeks. Guys who want to keep playing the field won’t want to make plans with you more than a few days in advance. After all, who knows who they might be messing around with at that point?
- Does he constantly remind you that he’s still single? Players generally like to make it very clear that they aren’t tied down to one woman. Pay attention to the comments he makes both to you and to his social circle about his relationship status. Phrases like “Now that I’m single…” or even a proudly and publicly displayed “single” status on his Facebook profile are signs that he wants you and everyone else to know that he’s definitely not done seeing what else is out there.
- Has he deleted his dating apps? In the digital age, deleting a dating app off your phone is a pretty big sign that you’re at least thinking about getting serious with someone you’re seeing. At the very least, it’s an indication that you think you’ve found what you’ve been looking for. So if the guy you’re seeing still seems to enjoy swiping left and right to pass the time, take the hint that you’re definitely not his end game.
- Does he only want to hang out at night? There have been plenty of friends with benefits situations that have eventually progressed into full-on loving relationships. For that to happen, though, there has to be some kind of progression from late-night booty calls to daytime hangouts. A guy who only sends you “come over” texts past 9 p.m. is clearly communicating that he’s only in it for the sex and that you’re probably one of a few women he has on rotation for whenever he wants someone to warm up his bed.
- Does he flip-flop back and forth about commitment? Some guys just need a while to decide whether or not they want to commit to someone, and that’s OK — we all move at our own pace. If, however, a guy seems ready to make you his girlfriend one day and then emphasizes his love for the bachelor life the next, he’s nowhere near ready to commit to you. If you were to make things official, things probably wouldn’t last long — his hot-and-cold nature would leave him with a wandering eye and a longing for his former freedom to do whatever (and whomever) he wanted.
- Does he have a good idea of what will make him ready to commit? For perpetual players, the desire to flirt and mess around with multiple people outweighs the benefits of any potential relationship. Still, some guys really do want a relationship and only play the field to take advantage of their time being single. If you feel like things are headed in the direction of something more serious, just ask the guy what he’s looking for in his romantic or sexual pursuits. If he lists what he’s looking for in a partner, you’re in luck.
- Has he taken small steps toward committing to you? Pay attention — a lot of seemingly unimportant gestures can mean big things when trying to figure out if a guy is even thinking about a relationship with you. Is he leaving a toothbrush at your place? Telling his friends or family about you? Giving you affection in public? These don’t mean that he’s going to make things official with you tomorrow, but they at least suggest he’s thinking about you as more than just a hookup. If you still feel like you’re being kept a secret, however, it probably means that there’s at least one other girl in his life who’s also being kept a secret.
- What is his attitude toward relationships in general? No matter what all the rom-coms say, you should never try to change a guy‘s mind on relationships and marriage unless you enjoy wasting your own time. A man who openly complains about monogamy is not going to make an exception for you, no matter how sweetly he looks into your eyes. Your chances of having a relationship with a man are a lot better if he expresses any kind of desire to one day have a relationship and even get married.
- Has he explicitly told you not to wait around for him? If a guy tells you what his intentions are, believe him. By specifically telling you that he does not want a relationship and has no interest in anything exclusive, he’s saving you both a lot of time and heartache. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’ll be the woman to change his mind. A player who asks to stay on the field isn’t going to go into retirement any time soon.