My boyfriend is by far the best guy I’ve ever dated and we make each other very happy. However, he keeps telling me just how happy I make him and that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him and blah, blah, blah. These things were nice to hear at first, but now after over a year together I really wish he’d stop.
- I can’t be the main reason for his happiness. Of course people in a relationship should make each other happy, but in order to have a healthy, fulfilling life together, I firmly believe that people in a relationship first need to find happiness individually. Basically, as much as I do want to make him happy, I know that I alone can’t and won’t be his primary source of joy. I need to know that, should anything ever happen to me, he’ll end up OK.
- Sometimes I worry he’s giving up his dreams for me. Whenever I ask my boyfriend what he wants out of life, he says that he wants to be with me and start a family down the road. While this may sound just peachy on the surface, the truth is that I worry that he’s setting too much of himself aside for me. Because he’s so focused on me, I fear that he’s losing focus on himself. I want him to be his own person and make the most of his life. After all, I’m pretty focused on my own dreams and am actively working towards them every day. I’m happy in doing so, and so I want him to also do something for himself that gives him happiness and meaning.
- I also worry that it’s creating an imbalance in our relationship. It’s not that my boyfriend doesn’t make me happy in return. He does, but I don’t go around saying it all the time or acting like he’s my ultimate reason for being. I also can’t help but feel kind of guilty that I don’t tell him he makes me happy as much as he tells me that. But I’m not going to start doing that, lest we become one of those creepy couples that’s way too codependent. Unfortunately, all of this is leading to me feeling like the relationship scale is starting to tilt unevenly. Even though it may be technically in my favor, I’m not comfortable with it.
- I feel like I’m being put on a pedestal, and that’s not OK. I know that there’s a lot of people out there who think this is the ultimate form of flattery, but to me, it’s not. Instead, it makes me feel like my boyfriend sees me as being too perfect since, in addition to telling me how happy I make him, he does tell me all the time that I’m “the perfect girl.” But I’m not perfect—far from it. I’m a human being who makes mistakes, fails at things, lies occasionally, and gets red and splotchy when she cries.
- It’s really starting to stress me out. In case it wasn’t obvious, all of this is really starting to make me feel anxious. I mean, there’s a certain pressure that comes with someone telling you all the time how happy you make them. After all, what happens when you accidentally do something that doesn’t make them happy? What if you just become boring? It’s like the higher you climb, the harder you fall. I want to stop climbing for right now before the pressure gets any worse.
- I don’t really like getting attention. When it comes to relationships, I’ve always preferred to be more of a giver than a receiver. I love focusing attention on my boyfriend but I’ve never been too comfortable being the focus of it myself. This was never a problem with any of my exes because, hey, they were all at least some level of selfish and naturally didn’t focus too much on me. However, this relationship is different from my previous ones, and my boyfriend actually wants to spend his attention on me. Logically I know it’s a good thing, but that still doesn’t mean I’m ready for it.
- It’d be nice to hear a different compliment once in a while. I get it, dude. I make you happy, but what else do you like about me? It’d be nice to hear something more specific every now and then, just so I know that these compliments aren’t just my boyfriend’s way of saying, “I love you, but I don’t really know what else to say.”
- I was not put on this earth to make him happy. I’m not so sure that I believe in the concept of “The One” or that certain people were meant to be together. Instead, I believe that you choose who you love. In any case, I know that I have other purposes in life other than making my boyfriend happy. Likewise, I know he has other things to do in his life other than spending his time focused on me.
- I think it’s time we had a talk. I suppose writing about all of this and venting it out is really just my way of building myself up for a talk I know I need to have with my boyfriend. I hope I can help him realize that he should be trying to realize his potential rather than making me the reason for his life satisfaction. After all, I really do want him to be happy.
