This Is How I Wish I’d Treated Players In My 20s

This Is How I Wish I’d Treated Players In My 20s ©iStock/kupicoo

I dated a lot of jerks and players in my 20s. I know all the experiences helped me grow (and some gave me huge wakeup calls), but sometimes I look back and wish I’d treated those players differently.

  1. I should have ignored instead of begged. I wasted way too much time trying to understand the players I was dating. Why weren’t they texting? Why weren’t they seeing me? Were they into me? And then, worse than that, I would try to engage with them to get answers. I spent hours and hours trying to figure them out. What a waste of time! I should have ignored them instead of wasting energy on them — they probably didn’t even know themselves anyway.
  2. I should have bolted after the bad texting. When getting to know a guy, texting plays a huge role in figuring him out. Players tend to be bad at texting: they take forever to reply or don’t reply at all. Instead of following dating advice to try to get men to text better, I should have saved my airtime and deleted their numbers. Clearly they weren’t that interested in communicating, so why should I have been?
  3. I should have left the club/party/restaurant. I could kick myself for seeing evidence I wasn’t a guy’s priority, such as being ignored when attending a party with him or being left to wait at a restaurant for an hour until he arrived but sticking around in the hope that he would give me attention. What BS. If I could go back, I’d get up and leave! I’m nobody’s lap dog.
  4. I should have remained cool. There were times I went crazy (and for good reason) on guys for being such jerks, but it didn’t help at all. They didn’t change their behavior and I was the one who felt like a crazy person afterwards (and they were quick to call me so). There’s only one way to deal with players: I shouldn’t have given them a reaction because they love the drama.
  5. I should have killed my hope. After dating one player, I’d fall for the next thinking that he’d be different. Spoiler alert: they never are. If a guy seems like an player from the start, he’s just going to become a bigger one as time goes by. I should have read the signs and killed my hope before it kept me hanging on. It’s just destructive if it has no good reason to stick around.
  6. I should have left the player for the nice guy. Years ago I dated a guy who was a total jerk. I suspected he was cheating on me (and it was later revealed he had), but I stuck with him to try to make things work. During that relationship I met a really nice guy but I rejected him to stay with the player. Screw that! I should have ended things with the jerk and not missed out on a better relationship.
  7. I should have slammed their penis pics. God, is there anything worse than trying to get to know a guy via text and then get bombarded with pics of his junk? A few players I dated sidestepped good conversation by jumping into such sexting before even asking if I wanted to see their penis pics. Eek. I wish I’d replied with a nasty comment about their pics — they would have totally deserved it and hopefully wouldn’t have done it to other women.
  8. I should have directed them to a professional. Some players I dated were full of drama. They were always bitching and moaning about life. It was exhausting but I tried to be the supportive and patient GF. Honestly, I should have got the hell out of the relationship before their negativity dragged me under. I should also have left them the name of a good psychologist who would at least be paid by the hour to listen to all that self-absorbed crap!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.