What You Wish You Could Say When People Ask If You’re In A Relationship

There are all kinds of people who are curious about your relationship status. From ex-boyfriends to family friends, it seems like everyone’s always asking who you’re dating and whether or not you’ve found the one yet. It might be a manicurist, or it might be a well-meaning aunt who wants to set you up with someone she met who’s kind of your age. There’s even the awkward encounter when a waitress comments,”You’re such an adorable couple!” when it’s only a second date. Yikes. Here are a few things you really wish you could say when someone asks whether or not you’re in a relationship.

  1. “Yes, and he’s the best I’ve ever had.” If you run into an ex or receive a late night text from a former fellow, it’s okay for you to white lie. Maybe you’re not seeing anyone or your hookup of the moment is insane. It doesn’t matter – let him know that he missed out. You might want to seem slightly single if you’re hoping for a reunion, but you definitely don’t want it to seem like you’ve been sitting at home waiting for an ex’s triumphant return.
  2. “I’ve swiped left so many times on Tinder that I’m worried about carpal tunnel syndrome.” If you’re app dating, then you’re definitely “dating.” Sure, maybe it’s not in the old school way that your family remembers from back in the day, but it’s better than hookups with randos constantly (depending on if you’re actually meeting anyone noteworthy). It might only be slightly superior, but at least you sometimes get dinner and a drink out of it.
  3. “Last night I met someone… but I couldn’t even tell you his name now.” There are certain not so savory moments you experience with someone else that you can’t tell anybody about. Maybe your best friend over brunch, but otherwise you won’t exactly be on the horn with your parents to prep them for meeting a potential suitor. Maybe you didn’t get his name to begin with, or maybe you just didn’t care enough to remember it.
  4. “I’m dating around.” Whether you’re home for the holidays, a long weekend, or you’ve moved back to your childhood home for the foreseeable future because boomeranging is a reality, you’re forced to interact with actual adults. Your parents and their friends want to know what you’re up to (i.e. live vicariously through you). In fact, this questioning process can just as easily happen on phone calls to home. The only appropriate answer is vague, followed by a fast change of subject.
  5. “The only man I’m seeing right now is Chuck Bass (courtesy of Netflix marathons).” When you feel like you’ve been single for centuries, this question will haunt you. It doesn’t matter where or when you get it, you blank and attempt to remember the last human male you spent time with. Unfortunately, Netflix dudes don’t count.
  6. “I’ve accepted my fate and plan on being single for the rest of eternity.” This is by far the most depressing answer, but you’d be lying to yourself and others if you didn’t admit that you’ve considered it. When it feels like you’ve dated 90% of the men in your area to no avail, you’re less than likely to want to gossip about guys.
  7. “Let me tell you all about him!” The last thing you want is to get way too excited about a guy who could ghost any second. Obviously you want to discuss a guy if he seems like a serious possibility, but the last thing you want to do is jinx it by seeming too serious too soon. Wait until you’ve had multiple dates and then feel free to spill accordingly.
Margaret is a freelance writer who covers pop culture and fashion in New York City and currently writes for Page Six's Style section. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, xoJane, and Racked. She tweets about her crippling caffeine addiction and teen TV obsession here: @margaretabrams