The Woman My Ex Cheated On Me With Is Just As Bad As He Is—Here’s Why

My last relationship was pretty much perfect… or so I thought. Engagement was on the cards, wedding ideas were thrown around, and we’d even talked about what we’d call our first child. Then he invited another woman over to our house and they had sex in our bed. While I was furious at him, here’s why I blame her for destroying our relationship too.

  1. She knew he was in a relationship. She knew we were in a long-term serious relationship, that we lived together, and that those were my lovely sheets she was sprawled on. My things were all over our apartment, and yet she managed to get down to business with him right there. What kind of person does that?
  2. Where’s the sisterhood? In our age of empowering each other, smashing the glass ceiling. and demonstrating solidarity for sisterhood, how could she let a guy distract her from the collective cause? Naively, I have always believed that we should support our sisters and not do things to hurt or humiliate them. Apparently, not everyone lives by this code.
  3. She clearly has no self-respect. Alright, so her desire for him was far stronger than her sense of morality, but where on earth was her self-respect? She had to sneak around behind my back, stealing snatched moments with him and being his dirty little secret. Every time they had a quick fumble, she knew he would come straight home to me afterward. Didn’t that make her feel used, worthless, and more than a little bit dirty? Was he such a prize that her own pride vanished in his presence? Good lord.
  4. She made me hate myself. I hate her because I became the worst possible me in the aftermath of all this. I resorted to the lowest of the low, calling her every trashy name under the sun, and I know it was cheap and nasty. I wished consequences on them both that were cruel. I became ugly and I hate her for that most of all. Of course I’m still angry at home, but he was clearly too much of a baby to be in a real relationship.
  5. Where’s karma when you need it? All my life I have believed that what goes around comes around. The crap will always bite you in the butt and the good deeds will lead to other good things. So how come I now live on my friend’s floor with all my stuff in garbage bags and my eyes so swollen from crying that I am seeing double while she’s living with my ex, having dinner with the woman who was supposed to be my mother-in-law and walking my ex-dog?
  6. She’s a total show-off. I hate her for her brazen, almost smug response to the ending of my relationship. She plastered photos of herself and him on her social media in the tackiest way imaginable. Her face was nothing short of smug, the cat who got the cream. Where is the response of the semi-moral girl who would show discretion for at least the first five minutes?
  7. I hate that I’m jealous of her now. Is she better than me? Hotter, smarter, nicer? I started asking questions about myself I’d never asked before, like am I a terrible girlfriend? Is she more fun than me? Does she cook better than me? Would she make a better mom/wife/daughter-in-law than me? It really pains me to say it but yes, I am jealous.
  8. She went for it even when he suggested cooling things off. When it finally dawned on me that I was living in a bubble and I sought the truth, she added insult to injury. I read an entire conversation they had with each other in which he mentioned that he thought I was onto them and that they should chill for a while. However, she not only refused to end things, she insisted that they continue and threatened retaliation against him if he didn’t. She didn’t care about my feelings at all. I know it was my ex who betrayed me, who was disloyal, and who made me go a little bit crazy but I still blame a lot on her. Do we women expect more from each other than we should? I for one have had my dark moments and am now back to being a believer. I believe in the sisterhood and in karma. I believe in doing the right thing and I’ll always try to do just that even if women like her don’t.
Vinnie Kaur Reid is a full-time freelance writer whose work is published across media and lifestyle sites, although she particularly loves to write about dating. She spent ten years living (and loving!) in London and has a super soft spot for NYC.