To The Woman Who’s Now Putting Up With My Ex — Good Luck!

To The Woman Who’s Now Putting Up With My Ex — Good Luck!

I know you hate me because you always saw me as competition and I don’t completely blame you. That said, there’s nothing left between me and him — I became friends with him only because I was trying to take the high road but I’d never go back with him after all the pain he caused me.  Now that he’s been out of my life for a long time, I have a few final thoughts on the matter.

  1. We spent a decade together; of course he was hung up on me. Did you think your vagina was so magical that it could delete nearly 10 years of memories from his mind? I think part of him hated that I finally saw my own value because that made it impossible for him to keep me under his thumb the way he always tried to. I’m sorry you had to put up with it, but hopefully he’s finally moved on.
  2. I forgave him, but I also made new rules that he didn’t like. We talked a lot about giving it another shot, and I’m so glad we didn’t. After being separated for some months, I was finally strong enough to call him out on how he had treated me, and I let him know in no uncertain terms that if we ever did try again, he would be required to respect me and end all controlling behavior. It’s no surprise that he didn’t want to be with me unless I was willing to be his doormat.
  3. I know you think you “won” him, but he’s no prize. “Winning” my ex is like winning a free caramel apple, then biting into it and discovering it’s really an onion. He seemed great at first. Then I found out what was really underneath all that sweetness, and it wasn’t what I expected. Now that I’m thinking about it, I wonder if you’ve come to the same conclusion.
  4. I know how manipulative he can be; do you? How did you think I ended up wasting a decade of my life? He’s good at manipulation when he wants to be, and I’m so grateful that I’m not his puppet anymore. When I consider my experiences, I do wonder sometimes if he treats you the way he treated me, and I wonder how you’re holding up.
  5. He tried hard to keep me as a side chick. I know he painted an entirely different picture for you, but I wasn’t the one constantly texting him; it was the other way around. Sometimes I wouldn’t answer and he would blow my phone up even more because he was used to getting his way when it came to me. I’ll admit that I liked the attention, but I refused to be his side chick.
  6. I hope he’s learned how to handle commitment. As you know, we broke up because I wanted to get married and have kids (in that order), while he still wanted to be a kid. I think it was a wake up call when he actually lost me because he wouldn’t commit. I hope that lesson stuck and that maybe he became a better person because of it; at least my heartache wouldn’t have been in vain.
  7. I’m better off without him. The funny thing is that I realized it almost immediately after I activated that ‘block’ button and cut him out of my life. He had become a weight on me, a source of stress and anxiety, and I felt so much lighter after that burden was lifted from my shoulders. Best of all, I finally found the old fashioned love and commitment I was looking for, and locking the door on my past made it easier to move into the future.
  8. Thank you. I mean it. Thank you for getting him out of my life and hopefully helping him grow. When I look back on my life now, I see that he wasn’t the right one for me, and I’m glad that chapter is over. I hope he treats you the way you deserve to be treated, and I wish you both the best.
Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible.