Women Can And Do Get “Frustrated”—No, Really

You’ve probably heard your guy whine about his frustrations when he was aroused but couldn’t get off, maybe because you were keeping love-making off the table until you knew him better or he was alone on a Saturday night. Chances are, you rolled your eyes and wanted to tell him to stop being a big baby. But, it turns out that women can get a form of frustration too. Yes, really. Here’s what you need to know about it.

  1. It’s pretty much the same thing as the male version. You’re so turned on you just want to come, but you just don’t get there. You don’t reach that sweet spot. You don’t pass Go and collect $200. You’re left feeling unsatisfied and like you need a quick session with your vibrator to get rid of this unresolved feeling ASAP.
  2. It’s not just in your head. You’re feeling frustrated, sure, but there’s more going on. Your body goes through physical things during female frustration. See, what happens is that when you’re turned on, blood goes to your body parts and blood vessels contract so that the blood stays there. This makes your nerve endings become sensitive and full of blood. But when you don’t get your release, the blood remains trapped there. Ouch!
  3. Your lady bits contract. Your lower body, ovaries, and uterus are all experiencing this blood vessel contraction, which can make you feel heaviness or even get aches in your lower body parts. Yikes. Just think: men get frustrated in their body parts but we get it in so many more places!
  4. Even your sweet spot can hurt. Your other body parts can also suffer a case of female frustration. That’s because they’ve got 8,000 nerve endings, so it’s really sensitive when you’re aroused and this can turn into pain and discomfort when you don’t get released.
  5. It feels like your period. Since the walls of your uterus also become filled with blood, this can lead to discomfort. In fact, the pain you experience can be similar to menstrual cramps. Ugh. Isn’t once a month enough for that crap? Apparently not. So if you don’t reach that sweet spot and then feel like your period’s about to surprise you with an early visit, it might just be a case of serious frustration.
  6. Does it go, um, blue? When men get frustrated, their parts look a little blue, which is weird, but that explains the term for the medical condition. Blood that’s trapped in the man parts will be starved of oxygen, which is why they become blue. Freaky. It’s good to know that your lower body parts won’t go all Smurf-colored on you or anything, in case you were wondering.
  7. “Frustration” doesn’t last long. Thank goodness you’re not going to be walking around hunched over and in pain all day. You can expect female frustration to last between 15 and 20 minutes, as this is how long it takes for blood to naturally flow out of your body. Once the blood flow returns to normal, you won’t feel discomfort. Phew.
  8. You might not come for a variety of reasons. So why did you not manage to reach it? Maybe you just can’t reach it through regular love-making, or your mind was distracted during intimacy or a solo session. Maybe you were too dry and intimacy felt painful, so pleasure and reaching it was the last thing that would’ve happened for you during that steamy session. All of these and more can lead to serious frustration.
  9. It happens to women much more than men. How can it not? Think of how often women just can’t get physical release during making love, such as when you battle to reach it through regular sex. It’s no wonder that you’re left feeling uncomfortable and frustrated. So can men please stop whining about their frustration for once, FFS? It seems we’re getting the worst of it and much more regularly!
  10. It can become stressful. If you’re always faking it and never getting off, you probably feel frustration regularly. Damn, that’s not good and it’s another reason not to fake it. Over time, these aches and pains can make you feel unsatisfied and depressed. Instead of doing that to your body, rather speak up about what you need during intimacy to your partner. You deserve to get the kind of pleasure you want!
  11. How you can deal with serious frustration. Of course, if you’re really turned on and saddled with a nasty case of frustration, the best thing to do is take matters into your own hands— literally. If your partner hasn’t got you off, a solo session might be just what you need to feel relieved. If you usually battle to reach it through regular love-making alone, now’s the time to get your other body parts in on the action. However, if you don’t have time to sneak some one-on-one time with your machine, try relieving that frustrated feeling with an ice pack, and next time get with a guy who’s not a selfish lover so he’ll be worried about your sweet spot as much as his.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.