Women Who Choose Passion Over Stability In Relationships Likely Had 14 Experiences As Kids

Women Who Choose Passion Over Stability In Relationships Likely Had 14 Experiences As Kids

Choosing passion over stability in relationships isn’t just about romantic thrill-seeking; it can be deeply rooted in childhood experiences. Ever wondered why some people are drawn to passionate, roller-coaster relationships instead of stable and predictable ones? Well, let’s delve into the past and uncover some experiences that might have shaped these preferences. These moments from childhood can significantly impact how one views love and relationships as an adult. Ready to dive into the psychology of it all?

1. Growing Up In a Chaotic Household

Ah, the good ol’ chaotic household—a place where the only constant is change, and the only stability comes from its unpredictability. If you grew up where dinner could be a peaceful affair one night and a verbal battleground the next, this might resonate with you. In such an environment, emotions run high, and every moment feels like a scene from a dramatic movie. The highs and lows become all too familiar, and stability might seem like a foreign concept. According to Psychology Today, as an adult, you might find yourself seeking relationships that mimic this emotional roller-coaster because, well, it’s what you know. Passion feels like home, even if it’s sometimes tumultuous.

The chaos might have taught you resilience and adaptability—qualities that are invaluable in passionate relationships. But it also means that calm, stable love could feel unnerving, like waiting for a storm that never comes. When stability feels unsettling, and passion feels like home, it’s not about choosing drama; it’s about seeking comfort in the emotional dynamics you know best. And hey, at least you’re never bored, right?

2. Witnessing Intense Romance From Their Parents

If you’ve ever seen your parents dance in the kitchen like they were the only two people in the world, you know the kind of intense romance we’re talking about. Maybe they fought like cats and dogs, but they loved in the same fiery way. Growing up watching this type of romance can set a very specific bar for what love should look and feel like. It becomes the standard, the norm, and anything less feels lackluster. In their passionate displays of affection, you saw what it meant to truly be in love, albeit often tumultuous.

When relationships are modeled with such intensity, it’s easy to equate love with fireworks. And while those fireworks can light up your life, they can also be volatile. As an adult, relationships that don’t have that same spark might feel like something is missing. It’s not about thriving on drama but rather seeking the depth of feeling you grew up witnessing. According to Verywell Mind, understanding that there are different kinds of love can be key to finding balance in what you seek.

3. Experiencing Early Loss

Dealing with loss at a young age isn’t just about grieving a person; it’s about grappling with the idea of impermanence. According to research on the effects of losing a parent as a child, With that mindset, the idea of settling for something stable and predictable can feel pointless. Instead, why not grab hold of the thrilling, passionate experiences while you can? This sense of urgency can drive you to pursue relationships that make you feel intensely alive.

The flip side to this is that the fear of attachment can also rear its head. If you believe love is fleeting, you might inadvertently seek relationships that confirm this belief. Passionate, fiery relationships often burn out quickly, aligning with the narrative you’ve internalized. Understanding the roots of these drives can help in choosing relationships that offer both passion and a sense of enduring connection. After all, experiencing loss can also teach the value of cherishing stable, loving relationships.

4. Being Forced To Mediate Family Conflicts

If you were the peacekeeper in your family, constantly stepping in to mediate arguments, you’re no stranger to conflict. In fact, navigating emotional turbulence might feel like second nature to you. Constantly being in the middle of family drama might have given you a knack for diffusing tension, but it also might make peaceful relationships feel, well, boring. After all, when you’re used to high-stakes situations, a calm discussion might feel like background noise. This could lead you to seek out partners who bring some level of complexity or challenge to the table.

While mediating family conflicts might have honed your negotiation skills, it might also mean you’re more comfortable in relationships where there’s something to “fix.” The Gottman Institute suggests this kind of dynamic might make you gravitate toward partners who keep you on your toes. The challenge becomes finding a balance where you’re not constantly playing the role of mediator. It’s possible to have a passionate relationship without it constantly being fraught with conflict.

5. Being Encouraged To “Follow Your Heart”

If you were that kid whose parents always said, “Go with your gut,” “Follow your passion,” or even “Listen to your heart,” this one’s for you. Growing up with this kind of encouragement can instill a deep belief that passion is the ultimate guiding force in life. While this might have helped you in choosing a career or pursuing hobbies, it can also spill over into your love life. You might equate the fluttery, euphoric feelings of passion with the authenticity of love. When you’ve been taught to prioritize feelings over practicality, stability can seem less appealing.

This isn’t to say that following your heart is a bad thing; it can lead to incredibly fulfilling relationships. However, it might also mean ignoring red flags or overlooking practical issues in favor of emotional highs. Finding a partner who makes your heart sing is important, but so is finding one who fits into your life in a functional way. Balance, as always, is key, and understanding that love can be both passionate and stable can help you navigate these waters. As Healthline points out, fulfilling emotional needs like acceptance, affection, and security are crucial for relationship satisfaction13.

6. Experiencing Unconditional Love From Pets

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If your childhood had a wagging tail or a purring cat in it, you know the pure, unconditional love pets can give. They’re your confidants, your partners in crime, and they love you no matter what mood you’re in or how messy you are. This type of love can set a high bar for what you expect in human relationships later on. While pets offer stability, their love is also intensely passionate—they greet you like you’re a long-lost friend every time you walk through the door. The emotional bond can make you seek similar intensity in human relationships.

However, human relationships come with their own sets of complications and expectations. The kind of unconditional love you get from pets is rare among people, who come with their own baggage and needs. It might lead you to look for partners who offer this kind of unwavering devotion, which can be both a blessing and a curse. The challenge is recognizing that while humans may not offer the same unconditional love, they can provide stability and depth that enrich relationships in other ways.

7. Being An Overachiever At A Young Age

If you were the kid with a trophy case full of accolades by age 10, you know what it’s like to strive for excellence. This drive can spill over into relationships, where the pursuit of perfection and intense emotions becomes the goal. In your quest for the best, stability can sometimes feel like settling. If you’ve always been applauded for your achievements, the thrill of passion in relationships can feel like another gold medal moment. It’s a rush, a high, and it can make stable relationships seem like playing in the minor leagues.

The downside is that when you’re accustomed to constant highs, everyday stability might feel like a rut. Relationships aren’t always about peak experiences; they’re often about the daily, ordinary moments. Being an overachiever might make you seek partners who bring intensity, challenges, or excitement. However, understanding that relationships, like life, need balance can help in finding partnerships that fulfill both sides of the coin.

8. Learning From A Culture That Romanticizes Love

If your childhood was spent watching fairy tales or romantic comedies, your idea of love might be a tad, well, cinematic. These stories often equate love with grand gestures, emotional highs, and passionate declarations. While they’re fun to watch, they can set unrealistic expectations for real-world relationships. If the culture around you celebrates whirlwind romances and epic love stories, you might find yourself drawn to passion over stability. After all, who doesn’t want to be swept off their feet?

The flip side is that these romantic ideals can make stable, everyday love feel underwhelming. The quiet acts of love—like making coffee for your partner or listening to their day—might seem mundane compared to the fireworks you’ve been conditioned to expect. Recognizing that real love can be both passionate and grounded can help recalibrate these expectations. The challenge is to find the magic in the everyday moments while still indulging in the occasional romantic escapade.

9. Spending Time Around Unpredictable Adults

If you grew up around adults who were unpredictable—perhaps one day they were fun and spontaneous, and the next, withdrawn or moody—this could have set the tone for your relationships. This kind of environment teaches you to read people, to navigate emotional currents, and to adapt quickly. It can make emotionally intense relationships feel familiar and stable ones strangely foreign. The thrill of the unpredictable can mimic the highs and lows you experienced, creating a sense of normalcy in chaos.

While this adaptability can be a strength, it can also lead you to seek out partners who are similarly unpredictable. This doesn’t mean you’re seeking drama; it’s just that unpredictability feels like a part of the emotional landscape you’re used to. However, understanding that stability doesn’t equate to boredom

can help shift this perspective. It’s about finding partners who offer the right mix of excitement and security.

10. Having A Creative Imagination

Did you spend your childhood building fantasy worlds, crafting stories, or lost in the pages of a book? A vivid imagination can fuel a desire for passionate, storybook romances. When your mind is accustomed to creating extraordinary scenarios, everyday stability might seem dull in comparison. This creativity can make passionate relationships feel like living in your imagined worlds, full of color and excitement. But it can also set a high bar, where only intense relationships feel worth pursuing.

The beauty of a creative mind is that it can bring vibrancy to any relationship, but it also requires balancing imagination with reality. Stable relationships might not have the dramatic flair your mind conjures, but they offer a different kind of fulfillment. Learning to find the magic in everyday moments can satisfy both your creative yearnings and your need for a grounded partnership. It’s about weaving your dreams into the fabric of reality.

11. Observing Ever-Changing Family Dynamics

If family dynamics shifted like sands in the wind—new stepsiblings, frequent moves, shifting alliances—you’ve experienced impermanence firsthand. Such an upbringing can instill a craving for intensity and a fear of monotony. In relationships, you might seek out the same dynamic changes that echo your childhood. Passionate relationships offer the emotional highs and lows that mimic constantly shifting family dynamics, making them feel familiar.

The challenge is recognizing that while passion and change are exciting, they don’t have to come at the expense of stability. Understanding that stable relationships can still be dynamic, evolving partnerships can shift this mindset. Relationships don’t have to be static to be stable—they can grow and adapt over time. Finding a partner who offers both excitement and reliability can fulfill these complex emotional needs.

12. Experiencing Overprotection From Parents

If your childhood was enveloped in bubble wrap, with parents who monitored your every move, you might understand the allure of passion. Overprotective environments can stifle spontaneity, making the thrill of passionate relationships feel like sweet freedom. Stability, which often resembles the control you grew up under, can feel more like a cage than a comfort. In this context, passion represents liberation and authenticity.

However, the search for freedom can sometimes mean overlooking the benefits of stability. Stable relationships offer a foundation upon which freedom can flourish. They provide the security that allows for exploration and growth, rather than constraint. Recognizing that stability doesn’t have to mean confinement can lead to more fulfilling partnerships that offer both freedom and comfort.

13. Watching Sibling Rivalries

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If you grew up in a household where sibling rivalry was the norm, you know how intense relationships can be. Competing for attention, love, or resources can create a dynamic where passion becomes the language of love. This can translate into adult relationships where intensity and competition feel like the status quo. Stability can seem unexciting when you’re accustomed to always being on your toes.

The downside is that seeking relationships where intensity is the main attraction can overlook the benefits of a steady, supportive partnership. While passionate relationships might mimic the excitement of sibling rivalries, they can also be draining. Finding partners who provide both the thrill and a sense of peace can create a more balanced emotional landscape. Understanding that love doesn’t have to be a competition can open doors to more fulfilling relationships.

14. Living In A Small Community

Growing up in a small community where everyone knows your business can create a desire for passion and escape. If your life felt like an open book, the allure of passionate relationships might seem like a way to carve out something intensely personal and unique. Stability might echo the predictability of small-town life, making passionate, unpredictable relationships feel like a ticket to a bigger, more exciting world.

However, the risk is overlooking the strengths of a stable relationship that can offer a sense of belonging and understanding. While passion offers excitement, stability provides a foundation to build a shared life. Recognizing that relationships can offer both a sense of adventure and a sense of community can help in seeking partners who fulfill both needs. It’s about finding excitement in the familiar and comfort in the unknown.

Natasha is a seasoned lifestyle journalist and editor based in New York City. Originally from Sydney, during a a stellar two-decade career, she has reported on the latest lifestyle news and trends for major media brands including Elle and Grazia. Natasha now writes and directs content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy, Style Files, Psych Love and Earth Animals.