Rom-coms have drilled it into our heads that you need to work extra hard to get someone to love you. The object of your affection’s sights are set on someone else? Just bust out the classic grand gesture! They’re sure to love you then! Newsflash: That’s some terrible advice. I have no intention of begging a guy to be with me and neither should you. I’m not saying I won’t show a guy that I’m interested in him, but if it’s clear that he doesn’t feel as strongly as me, I think I’ll just let him go.
I wish I could say I’ve always been this self-assured, but that would be a bold-faced lie. When I was younger and significantly more naïve, I was guilty of pursuing guys who weren’t all that into me. From asking a guy out a second time after he said “maybe” to pining for crushes that were clearly uninterested, there’s one thing this all has in common. Begging is embarrassing. It doesn’t feel good. Do I really want to continue a relationship if it makes me feel like crap? No.
He isn’t the only guy in the world.
The idea that I’d have to convince a guy to be with me presupposes that he’s my only option. While it can sometimes feel like everyone in the world is already coupled-up or that all that’s left are the creeps and weirdos, that’s not the case. Now’s not the time to be desperate. In fact, there’s never a time to be desperate, full stop.
It introduces a power-imbalance.
I want an equal partnership. I’m not going to get that by begging for a guy to be with me. By entering into a relationship that way, I’m giving him all the power. This is a quick way to getting hurt, and I’m done willingly giving up my heart.
I shouldn’t have to prove my worth.
You either like me or you don’t. I’m not exactly a wallflower–I make my presence and my personality known. I’m unabashedly kind, sassy, opinionated, and fun. If a guy isn’t into me after seeing all that, then there’s nothing more I can do.
That isn’t the kind of partnership I want.
Some people are happy to be the one pining over their mate, doting on them every chance they get – and they don’t care about getting that kind of consideration in return. While that’s perfectly fine for others, that’s not the kind of dynamic I’d want for myself.
If he doesn’t show equal interest, he’s not worth my time.
Sure, I may have a huge crush on this guy. On paper, he’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. Maybe he loves animals and enjoys reading on a rainy day with a mug of hot cocoa. If he’s not showing equal interest though, he’s lacking in the most important trait required for a happy relationship: Loving me back. In that case, all the box-ticking traits that made me like him don’t mean a damn thing. Thank you, next.
I’d just be prolonging the inevitable.
I can either get over this guy right now or I can beg him to be with me, thus prolonging the heartbreak. All begging does is make him break my heart even more or wear him down to stay with me, thus creating an unhealthy and unhappy relationship anyway. I’m not getting any younger and I’d rather not waste any more time feeling sad about a guy than I have to. And the sooner I get over this one, the sooner I can find that potentially great guy just around the corner.
I’m better than that.
By begging for a guy to be with me, it’s like saying, “you’re better than me, and I’d be lucky if you lowered yourself to be with me.” There’s no world in which I’d want to do that to myself. I am lovely and totally worth being loved. (And so are you, gorgeous reader!) When it comes down to it, I don’t need to beg. I’m great as-is.
I can’t make someone love me.
By believing that a ploy like convincing a guy to be with me could work, it’s like saying that I can convince someone to love me. That if I show how great I am, that he’ll change his mind. That’s not how love works. Love isn’t based on reason–it’s a feeling. You either feel it or you don’t.
Real love is easy.
Despite what movies, TV shows, or books tell you, love is easy. If it’s right, you won’t have to do any convincing or begging. It’ll just work. I’m looking for that kind of relationship. The kind where we both feel strongly for each other. Where we feel so lucky to have found each other. Where all it takes is being in the same room to make us feel happy and content. That’s what real love is, and I’m not going to get it from a guy who doesn’t realize how awesome I am without convincing.
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