I Won’t Date A Guy I Have To Chase—I Only Date Guys Who Pursue Me First

I’ve pursued a few guys in my day, but it always seemed to end in awkwardness and general weird vibes. I don’t think I would even feel comfortable dating someone asked out. It just wouldn’t feel right. Here’s why:

  1. It’s just not worth the headache. Trust me, I’ve tried to pursue a guy before and I’m telling you, it’s hard work. There’s so much up in the air, I feel like I’m policing myself every time he’s around, I totally lose my chill. I’ve since realized that it’s way more fun (and less stressful) to be the object of the pursuit.
  2. Rejection hurts. I seriously don’t know how guys handle it but they somehow do. Getting told “no” by the majority of girls you ask out must be rough and I feel like if I had to pursue someone and get rejected, I would probably take it ten times more personally than the average guy would. I guess it’s because I haven’t had a lot of practice in asking people out… and I’m totally fine with keeping it that way.
  3. There’s honestly not that many guys I WANT to pursue anyway. I can only think of a small handful of guys in my past who I actively wanted to pursue. Of course, I did nothing about it, but it’s hard for me to REALLY get obsessed with a guy to the point that I start to follow him and make him my boyfriend. I was never boy crazy and even if I did care more about getting a boyfriend, I have too much pride to follow some guy around like a little puppy. I’d rather just wait for him to come to me.
  4. As a woman, I get rejected enough in other areas. I’ve been told “no” all my life because I’m “just a girl,” so I think that it’s only fair that the guy (who gets told “yes” way more often) would be the one to risk getting rejected in the realm of dating. Women don’t NEED another “no,” especially coming from a guy we like. No thanks!
  5. It’s rarer for a man to be ready for a relationship than a woman. If I ask a man out, chances are he’s not looking for a relationship, whereas women (on average) are more likely to be actively looking to properly date. Sure, I would probably get a “yes” at first but then he might start thinking that I must be one of those girls looking to tie down any man she sees and be weirded out. I mean, was the one to go up to him. He might start to get freaked out that I’m trying to control or manipulate him. I already know it wouldn’t end well.
  6. I can be sure that he really wants to be with me. I can’t know for sure that any guy I pursue actually likes me back. At least if I have a dude chasing me, I can rest assured that he likes at least something about me. My ego is just too delicate to risk finding out the guy I like finds me repulsive.
  7. He’ll respect me more. If I’m the one he’s chasing after, he’ll be that much more respectful of me as a person. I wasn’t looking for love, I already felt complete when he started to pursue me. This makes me feel like I’m being valued as a woman and that feels really good.
  8. I like to believe that I’m worth chasing after. As much as I struggle with my self-esteem (as I’m sure we all do), I still like to think that I’m a girl worth fighting for. If a guy likes me, I would hope that he would do everything he can to pursue me. If I’m the one pursuing him, then I instantly give away all my power. I’m worth way more than that.
  9. I like it when a guy actually tries. Honestly, it’s just really attractive to me when a guy tries to get my attention. It takes courage to approach a girl and ask her out and I would probably only want to be with a guy who has the guts to put himself out there in such a vulnerable way. Imagine what else he would be willing to do for me!?
  10. Whenever I pursue a guy, it always ends up getting awkward. I’ve done it before and it didn’t end well. I told a guy who I liked that I thought he was cute and then it just became awkward. After I told him, I think he felt like he had to ask me out. Super cringy. I think there’s a reason why girls don’t usually do the pursuing, it’s because guys can get weird about it. They want to do it themselves and by showing too much interest, I probably made him feel like I didn’t think he had the balls to do it himself.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.