I Won’t Do Love Halfway—If We’re Not Crazy About Each Other, Let’s Not Bother

It seems like so many people are apathetic about dating these days—I know because I’m one of them. I just don’t meet guys who spark my interest all that often. This is why, unless I’m REALLY interested and so is he, we’re probably better off just parting ways:

  1. We need to be on the same level mentally. This might not happen right away, of course, but it’ll be apparent right off the bat if we’re on the same level intellectually. I have a difficult time finding men who stimulate my brain and that’s the most important part of a relationship to me. If we aren’t vibing that way, there’s no point.
  2. Emotional connection isn’t optional. Again, this is something that develops over time, but I can tell quickly if a guy is emotionally available or not. We need to have a comfort level that goes above and beyond that which we experience with most people. Heightened intimacy is so essential to healthy love.
  3. The physical part of our relationship needs to be bomb too. It’s not the most important part of a relationship, but I won’t lie and say it doesn’t matter! We certainly need chemistry and we need to be attracted to each other. Ideally, I’d like to be absolutely crazy about the guy I’m dating no matter how long we’ve been together, and I’d like him to feel the same. I know it’s possible.
  4. It has to be about mutual respect. I only want to date someone who I respect completely, and I only want a man who respects me just as much. We need to have each other’s backs always. I don’t want to waste my time – or waste anyone else’s – if we don’t have that going for us.
  5. I want to feel loved, comfortable and secure. I’m not about drama. All I want is a stable and happy relationship where we both feel we can be ourselves completely without fear of rejection or disapproval. I want the person I love to know that he has a safe space with me. We will support and cherish each other or we shouldn’t date at all.
  6. We have to be able to be our authentic selves. I can’t be in any more relationships where I feel like I need to hide some part of myself. It’s just not worth it. I want to know all the facets of my person—the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to be able to show all of mine to him in return.
  7. It won’t work unless there’s absolutely no fear. We both have to be fully committed. If I’m all in, I expect that he is too. Otherwise, why are we wasting our damn lives? We should both be looking for someone else, the person who we know will catch us when we fall. There’s no time or space for fear in a real love story.
  8. I want someone as unequivocally excited about me as I am about him. I’m done with guys who are lukewarm about me. I get so bummed out when I’m super excited about a guy and stay that way even as I watch him quickly get complacent. I stay stoked about the person I’m with and I want him to be pumped about me too.
  9. We need to adore each other, flaws and all. Sure, we aren’t going to absolutely love everything about each other. Human beings are inherently flawed, but that’s not a bad thing. As long as we adore each other enough to understand and accept all the good and the bad, then things will work out.
  10. There’s no room for ambivalence. I don’t have time for that, and neither should anyone else. If we aren’t thrilled to be dating each other, it’s silly and unfair to continue. Both of us deserve someone beyond happy to be with us. It’s either “hell yes” or nothing at all—I don’t want mediocre love.
  11. We have to keep choosing each other every single day. I mean, what else is there? If we don’t maintain and nurture our love, it will die. It’s just like anything else that’s living and changing—it needs to be fed, cared for, and given affection. I want someone who cares enough to keep choosing me no matter what.
  12. A couple that can’t laugh together won’t last. It’s all about making it through the tough times with lightheartedness and humor. If we can ease each other’s loads with laughter, we have a better chance of making it for the long haul. Part of being crazy about each other is the ability to help each other through hardships.
  13. I know that this kind of love is possible—I’ve seen it in action. It doesn’t happen for everyone and I’m realistic enough to know this. I still want it and believe that it can happen. I’ve seen enough couples who are madly in love with each other and stay that way over the years to have faith that it’s out there.
  14. I don’t care if it’s tough to find—I’m holding out for big love. Call me stubborn, I don’t care. I’m not the kind of person who settles and that goes for everything. I know when something’s right and when it’s not, and all too frequently I’ve made do with relationships that weren’t satisfying. I want to be crazy about someone who’s crazy about me!
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.