I Won’t Let My Self-Worth Depend On How Men See Me & Neither Should You

In many aspects, it’s still unfortunately still a man’s world, and that’s one of the reasons dating is still more challenging for us. A man’s worth is seen as a staple, whereas we have to prove ours all the time. If we want to be truly empowered, we need to realize that our self-worth shouldn’t depend on how guys see us. Here’s why I refuse to play that game:

  1. My level of self-esteem dictates how good my life will be. My self-esteem is extremely important, and I can’t afford to let negative opinions affect me. The relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship I’ll ever have. If it’s negative, that means I’m basically screwed for life. I consciously choose to love and take care of myself.
  2. I’ll always be unhappy and unfulfilled if I do so. There are numerous women that get more attention than I do. So what? I’m not going to spend my life feeling miserable because I’m not the hottest thing out there. Even if I had the looks of a supermodel, basing my whole opinion of myself on what others think about my appearance would be the surest way to make myself unhappy. And that’s not how I want to live my life.
  3. This is an imperfect world and I’m not supposed to be perfect. Putting ridiculously high expectations on myself and then feeling like crap just because I don’t live up to them is ridiculous. I refuse to punish myself just because I’m a woman and therefore my “mistakes” for some reason weigh more.
  4. I won’t waste my valuable time and energy. My time is precious. Seeking approval from men is a pure waste of my mental and emotional energy. I’d rather use those for my own benefit, and to improve my own life in any way I can.
  5. I’m just as sexy without makeup or with a bit of meat on me. I won’t put makeup on just because I am too scared to be seen without it. Neither will I feel bad all day just because I gained a few pounds and think everyone notices. Real sexiness comes from within when we love and accept ourselves and don’t care about what others think of our appearance.
  6. I’d rather enjoy my life than chase male attention to feel validated. Instead of spending my fun nights out seeking a man’s attention to validate my existence, I’d rather enjoy myself and have a good time. I’ll flirt with someone when I find him attractive and interesting, not as a way to boost my confidence. I’m perfectly capable of having a good time by just being me and living in the moment.
  7. If a guy likes me, great — but I still don’t care if he does. A guy’s approval doesn’t really mean anything because I don’t depend on it to feel good about myself. I’m not grateful if a guy thinks I’m beautiful or sexy, and I certainly don’t owe him anything.
  8. I’m grateful for the strong men in my life but I still know I’m a warrior in my own right.  Father, brothers, friends — I love everybody who’s stood by my side. At the same time, I’m aware that being a woman on many occasions has made me work harder than anyone. I know I deserve credit for that. I’m a warrior and just as tough, if not tougher, than any man in my life.
  9.  I seek love on my own terms. I’m not going to pretend be a “good girl” that knows her place for a guy to like me or ask me out. My job isn’t to appease his insecurities, and if a guy needs that, he’s not the person I’m looking for.
  10. The world just loves to see us women divided but we unite instead. Guys love to see women in catfights. Things like commenting negatively on other women’s appearances or fighting with other women for a guy are what mak us women look weak, needy and desperate for male attention. We need to show the world we’re better than that.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.