I Won’t Sleep With A Guy Unless I Think He’ll Give Me These 10 Things

What happens between my sheets is sacred, so I don’t want just any guy in my bed. If I’m going to sleep with a guy, there are certain expectations I want to be met — and I don’t think I’m asking too much. Here’s what I want from during sex:

  1. An orgasm for me that’s just as important to him as his own. If I’m sleeping with a guy, I want him to be just as concerned with my orgasm as he is with his own. I care if he finishes — I won’t leave him with blue balls, so he shouldn’t leave me unsatisfied. I get that most men orgasm more easily than women do, but if he wants me to help him finish, he should be willing to reciprocate.
  2. Respect for me as a lover and a person. Regardless of my sexual history, I’m still a person who should be treated with respect. He doesn’t get to kick me out like a prostitute; he doesn’t get to call me promiscuous or a prude based on what I will or won’t do in bed. He can treat me with respect inside and outside of my bed or else there’s no place for him in either aspect of my life.
  3. A little privacy. I don’t kiss and tell and I don’t want a guy who does either. Whether it’s in his bedroom, mine or anywhere else on the planet, it’s nobody else’s business what we do together. I’m not an anecdote for his friends. If he wants to take away my privacy to feel like “the man,” then he’s way too immature for me.
  4. A strong flow of communication. I want to know what he likes and what he doesn’t. I don’t want a relationship where we’re afraid to tell each other what we want. If we can’t openly talk about sex with each other, then in my mind we shouldn’t be having it in the first place. If we’re going to have a sexual relationship, we’re going to do it like adults, and that means actual communication.
  5. To know he won’t ever cross my boundaries. I have limitations just like everyone else on the planet. There are things I’ll do and things I won’t. I have boundaries and I expect a man to respect them. If he wants to do something out of the ordinary, I expect him to ask before he acts. More than that, he needs to respect my answer. No means no, before, after and even during sex.
  6. To consider what I want. I have wants, needs and fantasies in bed too. That might be hard for some men to fathom, but the man in my bed should be thoughtful about what I like during sex and ask if he’s unsure. Just like he wants certain things in the bedroom, I have my desires too. I’ll be open to his ideas if he’s open to mine.
  7. An interest in our form of birth control. I don’t leave my birth control plan up to the guy and I don’t want to sleep with someone who thinks it’s solely my responsibility. It takes two to tango, so we’re either in this together or I’m not in this at all. The risk of pregnancy should weigh on us both and if he’s not concerned about protection then he’s not worthy of any kind of relationship with me.
  8. A tit for tat relationship. If I scratch his back, so to speak, he should be willing to scratch mine. If he wants a blow job then oral sex is a two-way street. Is a little generosity really too much to ask for? At the end of the night, there’s no room for a selfish lover in my bed.
  9. To care about my safety. Pregnancy isn’t the only risk when it comes to sex. If he’s engaging with multiple partners, I need to know about it. From there, it’s my choice whether or not to continue our sexual relationship. He should be open about how many other partners there are and how often he sees them and I’ll offer him the same frankness in return.
  10. Complete and utter honesty. If a guy wants to make it into my bed, there has to be a certain level of trust between us. I’m not going to sleep with a guy who has another girl waiting at home for him. I want to know his life so I know if I want to be a part of it, even sexually. If I can’t trust him, if he can’t be honest, then he can’t be in my bed. End of story.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.