I Won’t Sleep With A Guy Unless His Life Is Full Of These Things

I want a guy to have real feelings for me before we take things to the bedroom, but I also want to be sure that he’ll make a great boyfriend. That’s why I look for these 13 things in his home and/or life.

  1. Books all over the place Gorgeous looks are not a good enough reason for me to sleep with someone. I need intellect. I want the guy to have books in his home because they’re a sign that he loves to learn and can curl up with a book to nourish his mind and imagination. It’s such a turn-on!
  2. Healthy relationships with other women It freaks me out if the guy’s flirtatious and charming with me but then a total sexist in the rest of his life. I don’t want to get close to a loser like that, so I’ll keep my eyes peeled for signs that he treats women in healthy, respectful ways, whether it’s his personal assistant or the woman who walks his dogs.
  3. His name on the lease I don’t want to go over to his place only to find that he has immature roommates who survive on stale pizza and who spend their weekends playing computer games. Nor do I want to find out that he’s still living in his parents’ garage where he smokes weed all day like a teenager. Ugh. There’s nothing sexy about a man-child.
  4. Signs he’s going somewhere I don’t need a guy who’s super successful before I get with him, but I do want to know that he has a life plan for himself and respects himself enough to work hard and earn an income. If he can focus on his future, he’s a better companion for me because I’m doing the same thing in my life. Also, we’re more likely to make things work if he doesn’t get pissed off because I have to get out of bed after sex to go to work.
  5. Pets or plants that are thriving I want him to have a pet that he adores because that shows he can be nurturing and kind. (Big animal lover over here!) If he has plants around the house, they should look alive and healthy. That’s a sign that he’s responsible. How can he nurture a person or even himself if he can’t look after other creatures?
  6. Friendships that mean something. I want a guy who’s got a social circle filled with people who are emotionally intelligent and mature. I want to know that they care about each other ’cause then he’s a grown-ass man who can care about a romantic partner and isn’t selfish. Remember: selfish outside of the bedroom usually translates into a man who’s selfish inside it!
  7. Exes in his social circle If he’s friends with his exes, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, if he’s respectful of them and his exes still speak highly of him, it’s a good sign that he’s a worthy guy.
  8. Relationships that he works hard to maintain I don’t want a loser who throws a temper tantrum when someone upsets him or his boss asks him to work overtime—that just breeds hostile relationships. Patience is also important when it comes to our relationship. I want to know he’s not going to bolt the minute he doesn’t get his way, like if I stall having sex.
  9. A life that’s an open book I want to know that he’s open and honest about his life. He shouldn’t be trying to compartmentalize different areas of it—that’s shady. His life should be open and free to show me he has nothing to hide.
  10. Hobbies and passions that make his eyes light up He has a full life filled with activities and passions that make him feel alive. I want to see that in a guy’s life so that I know he’s not just hoping to cling onto me. He’s got other things going for him and can make himself happy. Yes!
  11. A life of commitment There are many signs that a guy can be mature enough to commit. If he can keep his job, respect and care for his family members, and keep his friends around, those are good signs that he’s not afraid of commitment. I want to see those before I get with him. I refuse to sleep with a guy only to hear the words, “I’m scared to get serious.”
  12. A bathroom that’s full of hygiene products It’s scary how some guys don’t really care about keeping their bodies healthy but then expect women to be sexually attracted to them. I want to see hygiene products in the bathroom that look like they’re being used before I get naked with a guy.
  13. Sexy texts A guy who only wants to sext me needs to GTFO of my life. He’s only looking for a quick fling before moving onto the next woman and I don’t have time for that. I want a guy who can talk about himself, his dreams, his hopes, and flaws when we communicate. That’s what’s really sexy. It’s about undressing his mind before his body, and that’s the way I roll.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.