It seems like the reflexive response people have for anyone in a happy relationship is to tell them how “lucky” they are. I’m one of those new relationship girls and my boyfriend and I treat each other undeniably well, so I hear all about how fortunate I am. It’s true that I’m grateful to have such an amazing man in my life, but I didn’t get “lucky” in love — I deserved it and so did he.
- I went through hell first. I went through a ton of bad experiences, rejection, heartache and douchebag guys before I finally found my current boyfriend, so forgive me if I truly believe I paid my dues to the dating gods. I find it painfully sad that so many people look at my loving relationship and think that I must be just lucky to have someone who treats me with genuine respect. Shouldn’t all relationships be that way? I recognized early on that what I was being met with wasn’t what I deserved, so I waited to find someone worthy and I did.
- I took my sweet time because I wasn’t afraid to be alone. I wasn’t afraid to brave the waters of life alone and even though it got pretty tough at times, I stuck it out through the sorrow, knowing full well that someone amazing was waiting for me somewhere down the road. If only more people believed in love the way that I did, perhaps we’d all know the difference between luck and being rewarded for your efforts.
- I worked on myself for myself and by myself. I didn’t sit around and wait for a guy to complete me, nor did I run aimlessly from guy to guy until one finally agreed to be with me. I took the opportunity between my failed attempts at love to truly focus on myself. I set and chased goals. I got to know who I am deep down and I what I want out of life. Guess what? My standards changed. I realized what was truly important in a partner and I zoned in on not only myself, but what my expectation for love is and I wasn’t going to bend on my goals.
- I became my own person. I’ll admit, there was a time in my life where I was a little bit like a lost puppy dog looking for love. I hadn’t the faintest idea who I was or what I was looking for. Basically, I dated like a chicken with my head cut off, but then a funny thing happened: I got to know myself. I spent so much time without a relationship and without being that girl who always has a guy that it allowed me to really look at myself — I mean, REALLY look at myself and how I was living my life. It may have been hell at times, braving the single world for as long as I did, but it changed me for the better.
- I wasn’t in a rush just to fit into the norms of my friends. Everyone around me was coupling up, shacking up, taking vows and creating families of their own so the pressure was on and I felt it heavy at times. Nevertheless, despite being the odd one out all the time, I refused to bend on my morals or settle on something or someone less than what I knew I was capable of. I believed in myself. I believed in the love I was looking for and even though I was nowhere near where any of my friends were, I trusted the process and I trusted my own journey.
- I’m very giving and generous in relationships, and it led me to my match. I’m not just some girl who got scooped up by Prince Charming by batting my eyelashes. I wasn’t a damsel in distress who needed to be saved and I’m not sitting on a lily-pad in my relationship being fed grapes while fanned with feathers. I give just as much as he does. I love just as hard as he does. From the outside looking in, it may seem like we’re both simply lucky, but the truth is we’re both just two very romantic, giving and loving people and we both believe in making an equal effort to love each other to the fullest extent. Otherwise, what’s the point?
- I matured and evolved. Because of my difficult journey to find love, I learned a lot of powerful lessons along the way that caused me to mature in ways I never thought possible. When I look back at who I was before the chaos, I wasn’t someone who appreciated a partner and valued love the same way as I do now. Now, I’m someone who recognizes a good thing when I have it and I put my 100% into the love that I have because I know I have to make real effort and be consistent to keep this wonderful thing alive.
- I didn’t need love to fill a void, I wanted it for pure reasons. To me, getting lucky in love is a bit of an insult, even though I know it’s not meant to come across that way. Nothing about my journey to find love was lucky, but I wouldn’t have traded those hurtful experiences for anything. They’re what led me to where I am now.
- I refused to settle and it paid off. I had every reason to give up and quit, become permanently bitter and allow my awful experiences haunt me for eternity, but I didn’t allow those thoughts to consume me. Like I said, I had dark periods at times and I was put through the ringer time and again with attempts at love, but I persevered and held the belief in my heart. It was because of my ruthless belief and my desire to be the best version of myself possible that I know I’m not just lucky in love — I have love because I truly deserved it.