There are countless articles out there about how to spot a cheating partner. People are so afraid of it, and yes, betrayal sucks, but worrying about it is pointless. Here are some reasons I don’t stress about it—and you shouldn’t either.
I know my partner well and I trust him. You shouldn’t trust someone immediately, of course, but after a while you should be able to—and if you can’t, there’s something wrong. My husband and I dated for four years before getting married and I think I know him well enough to know that he probably wouldn’t cheat on me. It doesn’t guarantee he won’t cheat, but it definitely makes me more confident that he won’t so I don’t think about it.
If I don’t trust him, I shouldn’t be with him. Having trust in your relationship is crucial. Yes, we’ve all heard that countless times but it’s true. If I don’t trust him not to cheat, how can I trust him with anything else? It’s a bad sign if you can’t trust your partner—you’re either insecure or your partner doesn’t deserve your trust for some reason. We wouldn’t be together if that were the case. It’s that simple.
He’s never given me a reason not to trust him. He’s never showed me that he’d do anything to betray me like that, so why would I worry about it happening? I’m not going to doubt him for no reason. If roles were reversed, I’d resent him if he did that to me. It’d be extremely frustrating.
Lack of trust would mean I’m insecure. If I stressed about my partner cheating, and he had never done anything to earn that lack of trust, it’d most likely be because I didn’t feel worthy. My insecurities would have everything to do with me and nothing to do with my partner. It’d be a sign to start working on myself and my confidence before my relationship could improve.
It’d strain our relationship. Constantly accusing my partner of cheating or snooping on his phone would only cause arguments and I probably wouldn’t find anything anyway, so what’s the point? My husband would think I don’t trust him and it could end up pushing him away. It’s hard enough to make a relationship work without adding unnecessary conflict.
It’d only add to my stress levels and I don’t need that. There are enough things in life to worry about: my kids being the victims of a school shooting, financial difficulties, and life-threatening diseases, to name a few. I try to worry about things that matter more than whether or not my partner is cheating on me.
Worrying about it won’t prevent him from doing it. I can’t control what my husband chooses to do and I wouldn’t want to be a controlling partner either. If he wants to cheat, he’s going to cheat and I can’t stop it from happening. At least I’ll know sooner rather than later.
It may even push him toward cheating. Continually defending himself against unfounded cheating accusations would make him unhappy in the relationship, which might cause him to be unfaithful. He may decide that he might as well have an affair because I already think he’s doing it anyway.
If he does cheat, I’ll find out eventually. He’s a horrible liar so I’d be able to tell if he was hiding something—at least I think I would. He’s usually an open book with me and is never afraid to tell me anything even if he knows I won’t like it. I don’t see him keeping something like that from me. At least I hope he wouldn’t. Maybe I’m just being naïve.
I’m not sure I’d want to know. Maybe being naïve isn’t such a bad thing. Not that I want to live a lie, but what I don’t know won’t hurt me. As long as it’s a one-time thing and not a year-long affair or something, I might be happier not knowing. Maybe that sounds bad, but I can’t help but think I’d be better off in the dark.
If he did cheat, it wouldn’t necessarily end our relationship. I wouldn’t be so ready to throw away our life and family because of infidelity. Unless the person cheats over and over again, I believe it’s possible to work through unfaithfulness in some cases, with the help of counseling. As long as both partners want to make the relationship work, cheating isn’t necessarily the death of the partnership. I love my husband and family, and I’d try to work it out.
If cheating does destroy us, I’ll find something better. I’m confident and know I’m worthy, so there’s no reason for me to be insecure. If my husband cheated, I’d know it’s not because I’m a bad person or even a bad partner. Cheaters don’t always cheat because their partner did something “wrong.” If my marriage didn’t work out, I’d want to find someone else who’d treat me better anyway. Everyone deserves that.
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