The Worst Kinds of Breakups (Because Some Actually Are Worse Than Others)

Ending a relationship is never easy. Whether you’re the one doing the dumping or not, it’s always hard to accept the end of a relationship. Everyone has the ideal scenario in their head of the rare unicorn of breakups — the mutual one. It’s rare and still can be painful, but at least all the other drama can be avoided, and you both know you’re doing the right thing. Unfortunately, logic and maturity tend to go out the window when a breakup is on the table. Here are some of the worst kinds of breakups out there.

  1. The blindside. One second you’re laughing at each other’s jokes, gazing into each other’s eyes, and holding hands like two peas from the same pod, the next you’re alone in your apartment crying into a pint of ice cream wondering what the hell went wrong.
  2. The on-again, off-again. The roller coaster of an on-again, off-again relationship usually results in never really taking the final breakup seriously. It’s even harder to move on because you’re constantly expecting him to come crawling back for yet another chance.
  3. The hostage situation. When you want out but the other person has made it clear (probably in so many words) that they cannot and will not live without you, you end up feeling trapped. You want to help them, but not at the expense of your own happiness and sanity.
  4. The horrible mistake. The second they walk out the door, you realize you’ve made a terrible mistake. There isn’t much worse for your pride than dumping someone, and then having to beg for a second chance, because you know they are relishing every second of your misery.
  5. The consequences of cheating. Whether you’re the cheater or the cheated on, it’s not a pleasant way to end a relationship. You know even if you did stay together it would never be the same, and regret is never easy to move past.
  6. The long-distance dilemma. You know if you lived closer you’d stay together, but that just isn’t in the cards right now. You’ll always be stuck wondering what could have been. Long-distance relationships never work. Okay, they sometimes do, but it’s pretty rare.
  7. The no holds barred. Now that you know you’re finished, it’s time to unleash your thoughts on every single thing they ever did that pissed you off, no matter how small. Low blows, cheap shots, and straight hits to the jugular are all on the menu during your last screaming match. You don’t want to wake up tomorrow and wish you took the chance to tell him what a penis he is.
  8. The vanishing act. Everything is going great, until POOF, he no longer answers his phone. It’s as if he dropped right off the face of the earth, and you’re left wondering what happened.
  9. The passive-aggressive dumping. Guys are sometimes so afraid to man up and dump you with some class that they start acting like a douche and hope you’ll get so fed up that you’ll do the dirty work. You don’t even realize it until you give him the news, and he takes it so well that it becomes clear this is what he wanted all along.
  10. The text. Or like Carrie Bradshaw — the Post-it. Only 1% better than the vanishing act, this heartless, disconnected method of dumping someone is reserved for people with serious issues. Just be happy you escaped.
  11. The irrational hope for a reconciliation. He “doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship right now”, but maybe in the future you could get back together. In the meantime, he’s totally open to a friends with benefits arrangement.
  12. The social media heads-up. It’s never good when you’re the last one to find out that you’re single. He changed his relationship status on FB and now you’re getting messages from your friends asking if you’re okay.
  13. The public meltdown. Unless you’re the type that likes to put on a show, getting dumped in public is probably your worst nightmare. Not only will you have to hold back how you really feel, you’ll know he probably planned it that way.
  14. The timing leaves something to be desired. There’s never a good time to break up with someone, but it adds a little insult to injury when you get dumped the day after you get demoted at work. When it rains it pours, right?
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.