The Worst Mistakes You Can Make When You’re Trying To Get Him To Commit

The Worst Mistakes You Can Make When You’re Trying To Get Him To Commit ©iStock/ClownBusiness

If you’re looking for a committed relationship but that guy you’re seeing isn’t on the same page, it’s tempting to try to tip things in your favor and get him to lock things down by getting more aggressive about it. Needless to say, unless you want to deal with a lot of drama and heartbreak in the future, you could be making a big mistake.

  1. Not telling him that you want a commitment. As women, we’re taught to be subtle about what we want. We typically only want to drop hints and hope for the best rather than telling him outright. That’s a terrible idea. You do need to tell him what you want — he’s not a mind reader.
  2. Being afraid to walk if he keeps stalling. There’s a certain point where it stops being his fault for not committing and starts being yours for putting up with his crap. If what you want is a serious, committed relationship, you shouldn’t accept anything less. By accepting it, you’re saying you’re OK with it, and he’ll take it as a sign that he can get away with it. By walking, you free up your options and also show him that he can and will lose you if he won’t commit.
  3. Constantly harping on it. There’s a difference between telling him your needs assertively and nagging about it. If you find yourself constantly bugging him about when he’s going to commit, you need to consider just leaving him. Constantly mentioning it, guilt tripping him about it, or hinting at it will only make him less likely to actually do it. You shouldn’t have to beg him to be exclusive.
  4. Issuing a hard ultimatum. If you have to tell him that he needs to commit or you’ll walk, it’s not a good sign. Even if he relents, he’ll end up resenting you. A better way to do it is to tell him that you want a committed relationship, and you’re not sure you can stay without one.
  5. Trying to convince him on it. Did you ever notice that the more someone tries to convince you to buy something, the less you want to get it? Well, trying to “sell” him on committing to you is just as bad. He’ll realize that if he really wanted a relationship with you, he wouldn’t have to be convinced about it. If you have to explain your value to him, you’ve already lost.
  6. Showing him how awesome you are by always being there for him. Giving him all the benefits of a relationship without being in one is a surefire way to make him feel too comfortable with the status quo to commit fully. Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
  7. Getting overly emotional over it. Some women honestly believe that tearing up when they see wedding dresses is a great way to get a husband. I can guarantee that almost all of those women are single. Acting overly emotional over the issue of commitment just makes you look crazy… and that will scare off even the most interested of suitors.
  8. Not listening when he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship. A guy who doesn’t want a relationship is a guy who won’t commit. Don’t try to wage this uphill battle. You will lose, and you’ll end up having your self-esteem shattered as a result.
  9. Getting clingy because he won’t commit. Guys are creatures of the push-pull dynamic. If you push too much, he’ll pull back. If you get too clingy, he’ll bolt faster than a marathon runner.
  10. Having a baby in hopes for a ring. DO NOT DO THIS! It doesn’t work, and you’ll end up having to raise a child alone. Moreover, it’s wrong on so many levels.
  11. Comparing him to his friends. Guys really do care about how they’re perceived compared by their friends. Doing this is a low blow. Nothing will make a guy more disgusted than hearing a girl tell him, “All your other friends are committed to their girls. What’s wrong with you?”
  12. Withholding sex or acting weird until you get what you want. Commitment is not something that you can treat as a commercial act. If you have to resort to withholding sex in order to get a commitment from him, your relationship is doomed to fail.
  13. Getting his friends and family to put pressure on him. In small doses, this can be helpful. In large doses, he’ll hate you and his friends for it.
  14. Trying to bribe him. If you’re so desperate to be his girlfriend that you’re willing to play sugar mama, you need therapy, not a boyfriend.
  15. Getting angry over it. By all means, if he’s not willing to commit, you have a right to be angry. This doesn’t mean that it’s wise to have a shouting match with him over it. Unless you want to be labeled as a total psycho, screaming at him and having a major outburst is not going to do you any favors.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.