I Wouldn’t Make Love With Him On Our Second Date & He Called Me A Prude

We met on a dating site and had a real-life date that was pretty awesome… until he suggested that for our next date, I go to his place and we make love. I said it wasn’t what I was looking for, so he called me a prude.

  1. He was just looking to score. He put in a lot of effort to score, not only by suggesting that we make love but by engaging in an email conversation in which he tried to convince me to sleep with him. When I stuck to my guns, that’s when he called me a prude. It was hurtful in a way, but also kind of hilarious because seriously, who says that?
  2. I confronted him about it. I told him straight up that it was low of him to call me a prude. He tried to turn it into a joke, saying that I shouldn’t have taken it so seriously. I guess he was right. Why was I taking it so badly? It was just a stupid comment from a stupid guy.
  3. There was no second date. I never wanted to see him again. It bugged me that he could feel comfortable enough to insult my body confidence without even knowing me. We wanted different things so it was pointless to try to make things work. Plus, he was clearly a jerk.
  4. I want love-making to be meaningful. If not jumping into the sack with someone new on the second date makes me a prude then I welcome it. I want love-making to mean something between me and the person I’m choosing to have it with. If it doesn’t, there’s really no point.
  5. Chemistry isn’t enough. One of the reasons the guy used to try to change my mind about making love was that we had chemistry. Well, sorry, but that’s not enough for me. I need more than a physical spark to want to have make love with someone. I need to see a future for us and feel connected emotionally.
  6. I want to get to know a guy outside of the bedroom before anything else. Some people enjoy casual love-making as a means to get to know someone, but for me, I get excited at the thought of learning about someone without making love being in the picture. I want to know what they’re about, what makes them tick, what drives them. These things are important for me to grasp someone’s personality before having making love. Take this guy, for example. If I’d just jumped into bed with him, I wouldn’t have known what a judgmental jerk he was.
  7. I want a real relationship. I guess this guy’s comment also hurt because I’ve never been one of those people who can have one-night stands or flings, even though I’ve been tempted to in the past. I’m relationship-minded and I can’t change. I want to be someone’s potential girlfriend or nothing at all, but it was like this guy was laughing at me for being this way.
  8. It’s a cheap shot when men call women prudes. Being called something related to my body confidence, whether it’s “easy” or “prude,” often feels like it has more to do with the guy who’s calling the woman such things than it does about the woman he’s insulting. This guy was trying to be hurtful because he didn’t get what he wanted. So damn childish.
  9. Even if I were a prude, who cares? Why would being a prude be such a bad thing, anyway? There’s so much pressure for women to be confident about themselves, even down to the way we dress. It’s ridiculous. Why do some guys feel like they’re entitled to it and if we don’t give it, there’s something wrong with us?
  10. It’s not always about making love. When a guy calls a woman a prude/easy, it’s not always about making love. It can actually be about wanting to exert control over women by reducing us to nothing more than objects of desire. There’s no space in my life for a man like that.
  11. I don’t care what men think of me. Although I felt hurt by this guy’s comments, I snapped out of that feeling really quickly. He made me see that often when men treat women like he treated me because of their own crap. Why should I care so much about what a man I don’t respect thinks of me? What I think about myself is the most important thing.
  12. I’m the one who has to feel good about myself. I won’t change who I am to try to impress men by trying to be overly confident or sleeping with him just so he doesn’t think I’m cold or prudish. At the end of the day, I have to feel good about my choices. It’s about me and what I need, not the guy. I won’t put what men want over what I want, and this guy learned that very quickly.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.