How Writing Erotica Made Me More Confident In Bed & In Life

My career in writing erotic romance novels has had some surprising benefits, one of which is the positive impact it’s had on my confidence levels in and out of the bedroom (but especially in). Here’s how I think writing erotica has made me both more sexually creative and self-assured.

It made me eager to experience new things. It was easy to be adventurous in my writing, so the more I wrote, the easier it was to be adventurous in real life. Writing erotica gave me the desire to do things I’d never done before. Putting a pen to paper was a great way to test the waters and see what I might like to try and I’m glad I’ve had it as a resource.

It allowed me to be more creative. It’s not just an option to be creative in an erotic novella, it’s a requirement. I’ve spent countless hours wracking my brain, trying to think of creatively sexy scenarios to write for my characters. These long brainstorming sessions have resulted in an expansion of my sexual imagination. It’s amazing what you can come up with if you put your mind to it!

It helped me realize my own fantasies. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out specifically what quirks and kinks you might enjoy. Through my writing, I was able to discover my erotic fantasies and sensual daydreams. It surprised me what came out of my own mind, and it made me understand what exactly turns me on. Getting to bring them to life in the bedroom has been an incredible experience.

It became easier for me to vocalize those fantasies. I’ve never been good at dirty talk. Vocalizing my fantasies always made me feel embarrassed and I lacked the necessary assertiveness to get what I wanted in bed. After writing them down, however, I found myself more comfortable with actually saying them out loud.

I was excited to get inspiration for my writing. When I started writing erotica, I was more excited than usual to get some action in pursuit of inspiration for my sexy stories. My work became an excellent excuse to get naughtier more often. Sex turned into a fun way to get ideas for my future chapters, and both my writing and I have benefitted greatly.

It made me realize my boundaries. In addition to realizing what I did want, I became aware of what I absolutely didn’t want when it came to sex. It was one thing to write about things like exhibitionism or foot fetishes, but after putting those scenarios down on paper, I realized that there were some things I absolutely wanted to steer away from in my real life.

It made it easier to say what I felt, good or bad.  It takes a lot of courage to say, “This feels good” but it takes even more bravery to say, “I don’t like that.” It is important to let your partner know what you like in addition to what feels uncomfortable. If you don’t tell them directly and speak up about your preferences—or worse, if you don’t say anything at all—they won’t know any better. Communication is key.

It’s a great sexy conversation starter. You’d be surprised how many people are fascinated when they hear that one of my jobs is an erotic romance writer. When I revealed that fun fact to strangers, I found that it almost immediately peaked their interest. It was also an excellent way to move past small talk and chat about something unique. It has been an especially good technique if I want to ease into flirtatious territory.

It proved to be great foreplay. In the dirty romance world, they say that if your writing doesn’t turn yourself on, you aren’t doing a good job. Whenever I wrote steamy scenes, my goal would be to get myself hot and bothered. Even if I initially felt tired or overwhelmed at the end of the day, writing would always put me in a much sexier mood.

It just made me feel sexier. It’s fun to have a dirty little secret (or not-so-secret). Just participating in the world of erotica made me feel sexier and more confident overall. It has been both sexually empowering and just plain fun. I’d recommend writing erotic fiction to anyone who’s looking to spice up their sex life and gain more confidence with their sexuality.

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