He Was Wrong For You & The Relationship Sucked, So Why Can’t You Stop Thinking About Him?

You know ending your relationship with your ex was the best thing for you and you definitely don’t want to be back with him but that doesn’t keep you from thinking about him from time to time. (Okay, often.) Together, you were a disaster, so why is he still on your mind?

  1. He made you happy at one point. Nostalgia is a very powerful thing. After you’ve ended things with your ex, it’s totally normal to think back on all the good memories you made together. At one point, you were crazy about each other, inseparable, and couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It’s no shock that you find yourself daydreaming about the good times every once in a while, even though you know it’s over and will never be anything again.
  2. You’re really missing who you were at that time in your life. Instead of actually missing your ex or missing what you had together, you’re actually missing the person you were while you were with him. Maybe you were a little bit more carefree, wild, more organized or had a better job—whatever it is that’s changed in your life since then is most likely what you’re yearning for. Take a step back, examine your life, and figure out what it is that you’re lacking.
  3. The sex might have been good even if the relationship wasn’t. Lust and love can be confusing. Sex is one thing but a healthy, fulfilling relationship is entirely another thing. He made you climax, but so what? A vibrator can do the same thing. If you take a step back from your fogged up sex glasses, you’ll clearly see that the only thing your relationship had going it for it was that you two were compatible in bed together. Everything else was a mess, which is why you broke up.
  4. Your current partner isn’t right for you. If you’re dating someone but often thinking about your ex, it could mean that you’re trying to fill a void. If you find yourself fantasizing about your ex while getting it on with your current partner, it’s probably time to end things or express to them what you need in a partner. Clearly something is missing in the relationship if you’re reaching into your past to try to make up for it.
  5. You enjoyed feeling wanted. If you haven’t started seeing anyone else after breaking up with your ex, you’re probably just missing the feeling of being wanted by someone else rather than actually missing your ex. Get your hair done, put on some sexy lipstick and get back out there—plenty of guys would be lucky to have you.
  6. You never got closure on the relationship. Having closure when a relationship ends is so important. Not only does it help you move on and accept that it’s over, it also leaves you without any questions and without anything left to say to them. It allows you to get it all out there and leaves nothing left unsaid, and if you don’t get it with an ex, you might struggle to move on. Because of this, you’re always thinking about him and fantasizing about what could have been but never was or will be.
  7. You still get a little jealous. There’s nothing worse than seeing your ex with someone else and knowing he’s happy without you. It makes you feel like you weren’t good enough or that you don’t compare to his new chick. It’s no wonder you think about your ex in ways you shouldn’t—pretending to be his new girl, fantasizing how things could have turned out if it wouldn’t haven’t ended.
  8. You need more time to heal and move on. If you’re daydreaming about your ex, thinking about unrealistic scenarios, or having sex fantasies about him, the explanation could be a simple one—you’re just not over him yet. Even though you know that it’s for the best not being together, sometimes it takes more time than expected to truly be able to move on from someone and from a relationship.
  9. You’re wanting the feeling back, not the person. Being in a relationship is a great feeling, especially in the beginning when you’re still getting butterflies. If you haven’t moved on after breaking up with your ex, it’s totally normal to think about him when you’re lonely. What you’re really missing is the companionship, the smiles, the laughter, the kisses, the cuddles, the feelings of being romantic with someone and everything else that comes with being in a relationship—you’re not really missing your ex.
  10. You want something you can’t have. Don’t we all? It doesn’t matter that you’ve already had it before—now that it’s gone and you have no claim to the relationship or your ex, you want it back. The more they tell you no or ignore you, the worse it gets. Luckily this is just human nature and it’s nothing to worry about. Being human is complicated. You’ll get over it eventually and soon enough you’ll find someone else you can’t have to unhealthily obsess over.
  11. The fantasies are mostly about you, not your ex. When you dig deep and really try to get to the root of why you’re still thinking about your ex, you’ll realize it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with them. Either you’re seeking closure, you’re unsatisfied in your current relationship, you miss your old self or maybe you just have a little trouble moving on— whatever it is that’s keeping you hooked, it’s all you.
Writer, athlete, explorer, animal lover.