Telling someone how you feel about them is really scary, even when they treat you with respect, which is really the least that they can and should do. That’s why when I wrote a guy a love letter and he shared it on social media, I wasn’t just embarrassed, I was really angry.
I shouldn’t have written it down.
My mother’s words come to mind here: “Never have any proof about your feelings!” It’s always better to share important things with people in person instead of via text or in a letter because you never know what could happen.
This was my version of the sex tape.
For some people, their partners or exes release sex tapes of them into the world. For me, the letter my crush shared was the equivalent of that. I felt so violated, so naked.
It was detailed.
I’m the type of person who is all or nothing. I’m not a halfway girl. But that backfired now because my letter was so detailed. In it, I told him how much I liked him and how I wanted us to have a shot at something together. When I think back on that letter now, I cringe!
He didn’t say much when I gave it to him.
The first red flag that something wasn’t right was the guy’s reaction when I gave him the letter. We were taking classes together at college and we used to talk pretty often. I told him the letter was important and he should read it at home. He smiled and agreed, but he didn’t really seem happy to receive something from me. I should’ve snatched it back from him.
Later, I saw what he’d done.
We weren’t friends on social media but I sometimes used to take a peek on his profiles. I couldn’t help it — I had it bad for him. I went on his social media a few days after giving him the letter because I hadn’t heard from him and what I saw made my blood run cold.
He’d shared the letter.
He posted a picture he’d taken of my letter with his friends and followers. Thankfully, he’d scratched out my name, but that didn’t really soften the blow. Who would do something like this?
He didn’t say anything negative, but…
He honestly didn’t need to. People were commenting on the post, mocking what I said in the letter, and he’d “liked” all those comments. People were asking who wrote the letter and if he was interested. He didn’t answer, but it was clear that he wasn’t feeling it. Jerk.
I had to face him again.
I wanted to run and hide. It was such a heartbreaking experience that put me off making the first move on someone ever again. The worst part of it was that I still had to see the guy. I couldn’t bail on my studies. He wasn’t worth it anyway.
I psyched myself up.
After days of feeling like crap, I realized I was giving this guy way too much power. He’d hurt me and also proved to me that he didn’t deserve my letters and my love. But that was his problem, not mine. At least now I knew who he really was so I could move on without crushing on such a loser.
I was still nervous to see him.
Of course, those thoughts didn’t help to eradicate the nerves and fear I felt regarding being around him again. I knew he’d probably ignore me, which was the best-case scenario, but I feared that I’d be super-anxious around him when we were in the same classes.
Something surprising happened.
I didn’t realize how angry I was at this loser until I saw him in real life. All my fear and anxiety melted away in favor of hot rage. I ignored him as I walked right past him to get to my seat in class and then to my horror, he actually came to my desk to say hi. He pretended like nothing had happened.
I couldn’t come clean.
The thing is, as much as I wanted to tell him he was a loser for what he did, I couldn’t. It would expose the fact that I’d been checking out his social media profiles! I also didn’t want to seem like I was upset by his rejection of me (hell no). However, I didn’t want to be his friend! Ugh, it was so confusing and I had to act fast.
I decided to bite the bullet.
Even though it made me seem like a stage-five stalker, I told him that I’d seen his social media post about the letter I wrote him. His face flushed and he tried to act surprised, but it was clear that he knew what I was talking about. It felt good to confront him and to have a say in something that made me feel so helpless. I told him he was a jerk and I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Watching him walk away was amazing. He didn’t deserve my love, friendship, or a second of my time.
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