1. Most People Hate Situationships, But I Prefer It Over A Relationship
Meet Hannah, 34, from Oregon, who, like many people, spent years chasing the idea of traditional commitment—until she realized it was never what she truly wanted. Here is her story:
“I used to think I wanted a serious relationship—the kind with shared calendars, joint grocery lists, and lazy Sundays spent bickering over what to watch. But every time I got close to that, I felt like I was suffocating. The last time I tried? I moved in with my boyfriend at 29, convinced that love meant compromise. Within weeks, I was drowning in the weight of it. He wanted check-ins, constant texting, joint decision-making. He’d get irritated when I wanted a weekend alone or when I planned trips without running them by him first. It wasn’t toxic—it was just… too much. I loved him, but I started dreading coming home, feeling like my autonomy was slipping through my fingers. The night he suggested getting a pet together, I panicked. Not because I hate dogs, but because I realized I didn’t want our life. I wanted mine. So, I left. And instead of feeling heartbroken, I felt free.”
This article is a part of the “As Told To Bolde” series. Do you have a story to tell? If so, contact us at [email protected] and one of our journalists will reach out.
2. Why I Stopped Chasing Commitment and Started Choosing Myself
“Now, at 34, I’m in a situationship, and I’ve never been happier. I see him once or twice a week. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we don’t. There’s no pressure, no expectations, no merging of lives. If I want to book a solo trip to Mexico, I don’t have to check in. If he doesn’t text for a few days, I don’t spiral. We enjoy each other without owning each other. Some people call it noncommittal—I call it balance. I get the intimacy, the fun, the connection, without the parts that drain me. And honestly? I wish I’d figured this out years ago.”—Hannah Lawson, Oregon.
If, like Hannah, you’ve ever felt trapped in the expectations of a traditional relationship, her story might resonate—and her choice to embrace something different may make you rethink what happiness really looks like.
3. They Can Test The Compatibility Without Fully Committing
Think of a situationship as the extended test drive before deciding whether to buy the car. You get to experience how this person handles stress, communicates about difficult topics, and treats you when they’re having a bad day—all without signing any relationship contract. You’re gathering valuable information about your compatibility in real situations, not just during carefully planned dates when everyone’s on their best behavior.
The beauty is that you can evaluate how this person fits into your life without the pressure of making it work. You discover their annoying habits, their communication style, and even their values without the obligation to overlook major incompatibilities because “we’re in a relationship now.” If they turn out to be someone who never apologizes or who makes subtle comments that undermine your confidence, you can step back without a dramatic breakup conversation. It’s relationship research without the relationship commitment.
4. They Can Sidestep The Emotional Labor
According to Thrive Global, relationships require constant emotional work—checking in about feelings, processing conflicts, supporting each other through tough times, and maintaining the connection even when life gets busy. In a situationship, much of that heavy lifting becomes optional rather than mandatory. You don’t have to have those three-hour conversations about why their comment hurt your feelings or spend your Saturday helping them process their work drama when you’d rather be doing literally anything else.
You get to decide when and how much emotional energy you want to invest, which can be incredibly freeing if you’re someone who tends to give too much in relationships. You don’t have to remember their mom’s birthday, soothe their insecurities, or fix their problems. The relationship exists in a space where fun and connection are prioritized over deep emotional processing and support.
5. They Can End Things Without A “Formal” Breakup
Breaking up is awkward, painful, and sometimes downright traumatic—especially if you’re conflict-avoidant by nature. Situationships offer the appealing option of a fade-out rather than a dramatic final conversation where someone inevitably cries. You can simply slow down communication, increase the time between hang-outs, and eventually let things naturally dissolve without ever having to explicitly say “this isn’t working for me.”
Since the relationship was never defined, its ending doesn’t need to be either. This ambiguous exit strategy (also referred to as the “slow fade, by Cosmopolitan) might seem avoidant to some, but for others, it’s a merciful way to part ways without adding unnecessary emotional trauma to the situation. In a world where even casual dating often ends with someone feeling rejected or hurt, the soft landing of a situationship conclusion can be a big benefit.
6. They Want To Keep Their Options Open
Life is unpredictable, and sometimes committing to one person means closing doors to other opportunities—romantic and otherwise. As Women’s Health notes, situationship lets you maintain connections with multiple people, explore different dynamics, and remain available if someone who feels like a better match comes along. It’s not necessarily about actively dating others (though it can be); it’s about maintaining the freedom to follow unexpected paths without having to break commitments or hurt someone who’s counting on you for the long haul.
This flexibility is particularly valuable during transitional life phases or when you’re still figuring out what you really want. Maybe you’re considering moving to a new city, changing careers, or just working through what kind of relationship actually suits your personality. Whatever the reason, the lack of exclusivity expectations means you can continue exploring who you are and what you want without feeling like you’re betraying someone’s trust. It’s about maintaining the space to grow and change direction without explanation, which can be exactly what you need during certain chapters of your life.
7. They Avoid The Pressure Of Meeting Each Other’s Families
Meeting the parents is basically relationship code for “this is getting serious”—and with that comes a whole bundle of expectations, judgments, and complications. In a situationship, you get to skip the awkward holiday dinners, the tense first meetings, and the inevitable comparison to their ex that their mom still mentions at every opportunity. You don’t have to worry about impressing anyone or navigating complex family dynamics that honestly have nothing to do with your connection to this person.
The family-free zone of a situationship means you’re connecting purely based on your own chemistry and compatibility, not on whether his dad thinks you have a “respectable” job or if her sisters think you’re good enough for her. You don’t have to remember everyone’s names, hear stories about their childhood that paint them in an unflattering light, or feel the subtle pressure of family members asking about your future together. For people who’ve had nightmare experiences with partners’ families or who know their own family would make things complicated, keeping that boundary firm can be a major relief.
8. They’re Scared To Repeat Past Relationship Mistakes
When you’ve been through the relationship wringer before, jumping back into something serious can feel like willingly walking back into a burning building. Sometimes a situationship is the perfect middle ground—you get connection without recreating the exact conditions that led to disaster last time. If you’ve found yourself in a pattern of toxic relationships, controlling partners, or heartbreaking betrayals, keeping things undefined can be a protective strategy rather than commitment-phobia.
The undefined nature of a situationship means you can be more mindful about the dynamics you’re creating. You have time to notice red flags without the pressure of making it work. You can observe how this person handles boundaries, conflicts, and emotional intimacy without being fully invested yet. If you start seeing familiar toxic patterns emerging, you can step back more easily than if you’d already committed to building a life together. It’s not about avoiding relationships forever—it’s about approaching connection more carefully after being burned in the past.
9. They Don’t Want To Open Up
Emotional vulnerability is terrifying for many people, especially those who’ve had their openness used against them before. A situationship provides the perfect cover for keeping certain walls up while still experiencing connection. You can share parts of yourself without the expectation that you’ll eventually reveal every wound, insecurity, and uncomfortable truth about who you are. The unspoken boundaries of a casual arrangement create a safe space where deep emotional intimacy is optional rather than expected.
For people still working through their own emotional landscape or healing from past wounds, this ability to connect without complete vulnerability can feel like exactly what they need. It’s not always about permanent avoidance—sometimes it’s about giving yourself time to strengthen emotionally before opening up completely to someone else.
10. They Can Take Space Without Explanation
There’s something incredibly valuable about being able to disappear into your own world for a while without owing anyone an explanation. In a situationship, you can go silent for a few days when you need to focus on work, process something personal, or just recharge your social battery. There’s no expectation of constant communication or checking in, no worried texts asking if everything’s okay, and no need to reassure someone that your need for space isn’t about them. You get to set your own rhythm of connection and distance.
This freedom to move in and out of contact based on your own needs creates a relationship dynamic that many people find much more sustainable. You’re not performing connection on demand or maintaining communication out of obligation. Instead, you’re engaging authentically when you have the emotional and mental bandwidth to be present. This ability to take unquestioned space can be the difference between a suffocating connection and one that actually enhances your life.
11. They Enjoy The “Best Parts” Without The Difficult Work
Relationships involve plenty of tedious, challenging work alongside the good stuff. Situationships let you cherry-pick the enjoyable aspects of connection while minimizing the difficult parts. You get the fun dates, physical intimacy, interesting conversations, and companionship without the arguments about money, stressful family events, compromise on major life decisions, or navigating each other’s annoying habits. It’s relationship à la carte, where you can select the elements that enhance your life while leaving behind the ones that drain you.
This means your time together tends to focus on pleasure rather than problem-solving. You’re not figuring out how to divide household chores, discussing whether you both want children, or working through communication issues during a fight. Instead, you’re enjoying activities you both like, having conversations that interest you, and connecting in ways that feel good without the obligation to work through the difficult stuff.
12. They Can Prioritize Their Career Without Guilt
Career ambition and relationship demands often create painful conflicts, especially during crucial professional growth phases. A situationship offers the perfect solution—emotional connection and companionship without expectations that might compete with your work priorities. You can stay late at the office, travel for business opportunities, work weekends to finish important projects, or pour energy into building your dream without feeling like you’re neglecting a partner. There’s no relationship guilt hanging over your head when you choose your professional development over date night.
This career freedom extends beyond just your schedule to your overall life direction. You can make major professional decisions—relocating for a job, going back to school, switching industries, or starting your own business—without having to consider how it impacts a serious relationship. The person you’re seeing might be disappointed if your choices mean seeing each other less, but there’s no expectation that your career decisions will be made as a couple.
13. They Keep The Mystery Alive Longer
Remember the thrill of those early dating days when you were still discovering new things about each other? In a situationship, that exciting period of revelation and surprise gets extended indefinitely. You’re never fully settled into the comfortable-but-boring phase where you can predict their every reaction and finish their sentences. Instead, you maintain that electrifying sense of not knowing everything about them.
The psychological benefit of maintaining some mystery is that it prevents the boredom that kills so many committed relationships. They never become that totally known quantity that human nature eventually starts taking for granted. The anticipation of seeing them still comes with genuine curiosity about what the encounter will bring, rather than a comfortable certainty about how the evening will unfold.
