We all know the playground bully who steals lunch money or shoves kids into lockers. But in adult life, bullying rarely looks so obvious. It’s sneakier, more subtle, and often disguised as normal social interaction. Whether you’re experiencing these tactics from a coworker, friend, family member, or partner, recognizing them is the first step to addressing them.
1. Making You Feel Stupid For Not Knowing Things
You ask a question about something unfamiliar, and suddenly you’re met with raised eyebrows and a condescending tone. “Wait, you seriously don’t know that?” they ask, making sure everyone around hears your apparent ignorance. This isn’t just someone being unhelpful—it’s a deliberate attempt to diminish you and establish intellectual dominance.
What makes this behavior particularly insidious is how it discourages learning and curiosity. Over time, you might stop asking questions altogether, afraid of being mocked or belittled. Everyone has knowledge gaps—no one knows everything—and weaponizing these gaps is nothing but bullying in disguise.
2. Leaving Out Important Information On Purpose
You walk into a meeting completely unprepared because nobody told you about the presentation you were supposed to prepare. “Oh, I thought someone would have mentioned it to you,” they say with feigned innocence. But this wasn’t a genuine oversight—it was calculated exclusion designed to make you look bad.
When someone repeatedly “forgets” to loop you in on crucial information, it’s rarely accidental. This tactic is particularly common in workplaces and social groups where information is power, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute. The bully gets to watch you stumble while maintaining plausible deniability, and you’re left wondering why you’re always the last to know important things.
3. Correcting You In Front Of Others To Embarrass You
You’re midway through explaining something when they cut in: “Actually, that’s not quite right,” before launching into their own explanation. The correction isn’t private or gentle—it’s designed for maximum audience impact. The information they’re correcting might be insignificant or even debatable, but the damage to your credibility is done.
What makes this bullying rather than helpful is the context and delivery. A genuine correction aims to clarify without humiliation. The bullying version prioritizes making you look foolish over the accuracy of information, as the National Workplace Bullying Coalition notes. Notice if someone seems to relish correcting you or only does it when others are watching—that’s your red flag.
4. Quietly Undermining Your Reputation
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m a little concerned about how Trish handled that client,” they say to your manager, planting seeds of doubt about your competence. Nothing they say is an outright lie, but the framing casts everything you do in a questionable light. Their concern seems genuine on the surface, making it hard to call out.
This form of sabotage works because it’s subtle, as Harvard Business Review points out—by the time you realize it’s happening, opinions about you have already shifted. The bully frames themselves as helpful or concerned while systematically destroying others’ trust in you. Pay attention when someone frequently offers “observations” about your work or character that seem designed to diminish you.
5. Changing The Rules After The Fact
You complete a project exactly as discussed, only to hear: “That’s not what I meant at all. I obviously wanted it done this other way.” Suddenly, the goalposts have moved, and you’re left looking incompetent. The expectations were never clearly communicated, but somehow the failure is entirely yours.
This manipulation tactic allows the bully to maintain control by ensuring you can never quite succeed. No matter how well you perform, they can always claim you misunderstood or failed to meet the “real” expectations. It creates a perpetual power imbalance where you’re constantly seeking approval that’s impossible to earn.
6. Hiding Insults Behind “It Was Just a Joke”
“You’re so disorganized, it’s like watching a tornado try to file paperwork!” they laugh, and when your face falls, they quickly add, “Come on, I’m just kidding around. Don’t be so sensitive.” The comment stung, but now you’re in the impossible position of either laughing along or being labeled as someone who can’t take a joke.
This classic bullying tactic, as Psychology Today notes, works by providing built-in deniability. The insult lands and does its damage, but challenging it makes you seem like the problem. Real humor doesn’t leave you feeling smaller or worse about yourself. If someone’s “jokes” consistently target your insecurities or come at your expense, that’s not comedy—it’s cruelty with a punchline.
7. Being Nice Only When They Want Something
They ignore your messages for weeks, but suddenly appear with warm smiles and compliments when they need a favor. “I’ve always valued how helpful you are,” they say, though this is the first positive thing they’ve said to you in months. Their kindness has strings attached, and you can feel the manipulation even as it’s happening.
This transactional behavior reveals how little they value you beyond what you can provide. Genuine relationships involve consistent care, not convenience-based niceness. Notice the pattern: Do they disappear after getting what they want? Do they shower you with attention only when they need something? That’s not friendship—it’s using someone while pretending otherwise.
8. Disguising Criticism as “Help”
“I thought I should mention this because I care about your success,” they begin, before launching into a detailed critique that leaves you feeling incompetent. Nothing about their delivery feels supportive or constructive—it’s all about pointing out flaws without offering meaningful guidance. Yet challenging them means rejecting their “help.”
What distinguishes this from actual helpful feedback is the intent and impact. Real help builds you up and provides actionable insights. This bullying version leaves you feeling worse without a clear path forward. Pay attention to how you feel after receiving their “advice”—deflated and anxious rather than motivated and equipped? That’s your clue that help isn’t the true goal.
9. Ignoring Your Messages
You see them actively responding to others in the group chat while your questions sit unanswered for days. When you finally see them in person, there’s no acknowledgment of your messages—not even an “I missed that” or “I’ve been busy.” It’s as if your communication simply doesn’t warrant response.
This digital cold shoulder is a modern form of the silent treatment, and it’s more than just rudeness. It’s a power play designed to communicate your lack of importance. Everyone gets busy sometimes, but when someone consistently ignores you while remaining responsive to others, they’re sending a clear message about where you rank in their priorities.
10. Fixating On Your Mistakes
You made one error three months ago, and somehow it still comes up in every conversation. “Let’s make sure we don’t have another situation like when you mixed up those numbers,” they say, ensuring that your single mistake becomes your permanent identity. Meanwhile, their own errors seem to vanish from collective memory immediately.
This selective focus on your failures while downplaying your successes is a classic bullying tactic. The goal is to keep you permanently on the defensive and feeling like you’re always one mistake away from disaster. Everyone makes mistakes, but in healthy relationships, people don’t use them as weapons or define you by your worst moments.
11. Interrupting You Mid-Sentence Repeatedly
You’re in the middle of explaining your idea when they jump in, completely derailing your train of thought. It happens again and again until you stop trying to finish your sentences. “I just get excited about the topic,” they claim, but somehow they manage to contain this excitement when others are speaking.
This pattern of interruption is about more than poor conversation skills—it’s about dominance and dismissal. The message being sent is that your thoughts aren’t worth hearing to completion. Notice if someone consistently talks over you but shows perfect listening skills with others. That contrast reveals the behavior for what it really is: a targeted lack of respect.
12. Making Plans That Exclude You
“We didn’t think it would be your thing,” they explain after you discover the group outing nobody bothered to invite you to. The photos are all over social media, making it impossible to miss that you were the only one left out. There’s always a ready excuse, but the pattern of exclusion speaks louder than any explanation.
What makes this bullying rather than a simple oversight is the consistency and the context. Everyone gets left out occasionally, but when it happens repeatedly to you specifically, something else is at play. The exclusion serves a purpose: to reinforce your outsider status and remind you that your inclusion in the group is conditional.
13. Making Fun Of Things You Care About
“You’re still into that?” they laugh when you mention your hobby or interest. Their dismissive tone makes it clear they find your passion ridiculous or childish. It happens so casually that challenging it seems like an overreaction, yet each comment chips away at your enthusiasm.
This mockery targets something deeply personal—the things that bring you joy. By belittling your interests, the bully attempts to exercise control over what you’re allowed to care about. Genuine friends might not share all your passions, but they respect that they matter to you. Anyone who routinely mocks what you love is trying to make you smaller, not connect with you.
14. Setting You Up To Fail Then Watching It Happen
“I told the client you’d have no problem meeting that deadline,” they announce, having promised something impossible without consulting you. They’ve created a situation where you’ll either work yourself to exhaustion or disappoint important people. Either way, they get to observe the fallout from a safe distance.
This sabotage reveals perhaps the clearest hallmark of bullying: taking pleasure in another’s distress. The person who set you up often watches with subtle satisfaction as you struggle, sometimes even offering “help” that further complicates matters. No one who genuinely respects you would deliberately create conditions for your failure—especially for their entertainment.
15. Making Decisions That Affect You Without Asking
“We’ve already decided to go with the other approach,” they tell you about a project you’re equally responsible for. Somehow, key decisions that directly impact your work or life get made during conversations you weren’t part of. Your input wasn’t just overruled—it was never even sought.
This systematic exclusion from decision-making processes that affect you is a power play designed to reinforce your lack of agency. Everyone doesn’t need to weigh in on every decision, but when you’re consistently the only one not consulted on matters that directly concern you, it’s not oversight—it’s a statement about your perceived value and voice within the group.
