Some people are just…off. Not in an obvious way, but in a way that makes your gut whisper: something isn’t adding up here. They seem too agreeable, too polished, too perfect—or too inconsistent. If you dig a little deeper, you’ll realize they’re not being real with you, or maybe even with themselves. They’re playing a role, shifting masks, and tailoring their personality to whoever is in the room. And if you’re not paying attention, you might end up tangled in their performance. Here’s how to spot the red flags of someone who’s pretending to be something they’re not—and how to call them out before you get caught up in the act.
1. They Shapeshift To Cater To Their Audience
At first, it feels nice. They like everything you like, laugh at all your jokes, and never push back on a single opinion (a social default known as “truth bias,” according to Monash University). But then you start noticing that they shape-shift depending on who they’re with. They agree with you about one thing, but when someone else walks in with the opposite view, suddenly they agree with them too. It’s not that they’re open-minded—it’s that they don’t have a solid stance on anything. They want approval more than authenticity.
Call it out by testing them. Next time they agree with you too quickly, switch your opinion slightly and see what they do. If they immediately shift to match you again, you’ve got your answer. Real people have their own takes. Fake people are just mirrors.
2. They Talk Big But Don’t Walk The Walk
They love to talk about their values, their big dreams, their high standards—but when it comes time to actually act on those things, they disappear. They’ll preach about loyalty but ghost their friends. They’ll brag about being a hard worker but constantly cut corners. Everything sounds great when they say it, but nothing lines up in reality.
Call them out with receipts. Ask specific questions. “Oh, you say you’re super disciplined—what’s something hard you stuck with recently?” Watch their face. If they fumble, get defensive, or try to change the subject, you’ve just exposed the gap between their words and their actions.
3. They Have An Overinflated Self-Image
They see themselves as the main character, the genius, the misunderstood visionary. But when you look closer, their life doesn’t actually reflect the grand story they tell. They overestimate their abilities, minimize their flaws, and act as if the world just doesn’t get them. Instead of acknowledging mistakes, they rewrite history to make themselves look better. According to Entrepreneur, this is a tell-tale sign of inauthenticity.
You can test this by gently pointing out a contradiction. “Wait, didn’t you just say last week that you hated that kind of job?” or “I thought you mentioned you had never been to Paris?” If they scramble to explain or double down on their fantasy, you’re dealing with someone who isn’t grounded in reality.
4. They Have A Rotating Group of Friends
Every time you talk to them, there’s a new best friend in the picture. They collect people quickly but also seem to drop them just as fast. You’ll notice old friends mysteriously disappear, and they always have a dramatic story about why—usually painting themselves as the innocent ones.
This is a sign of someone who struggles with consistency in relationships. Real friendships take time and effort; they’re not just something you cycle through like a trend. Ask them about their oldest friend and see what they say. If they can’t name one or always blame others for why things didn’t last, you might be next on their discard list.
5. Their Stories Keep Changing
One day, they tell you they grew up in a small town. A few weeks later, they’re talking about their city childhood. You ask about a past job, and suddenly, the details don’t add up. Their personal history shifts depending on who they’re talking to, and you start feeling like they’re making it up as they go. According to the Newport Insitute, this is a red flag and could even mean they’re a pathological liar.
The best move? Casually repeat something they previously told you and see what happens. If they suddenly “correct” themselves or act like they never said that, you know they’re tweaking their narrative. A simple “Wait, I thought you said [previous detail]?” is enough to watch them break out in hives.
6. They Avoid Personal Questions
They’re happy to talk at you but dodge anything too deep about themselves. You can talk for hours and still know absolutely nothing real about them. When asked about their past, relationships, or struggles, they keep it vague or deflect with humor. It’s because their identity is a patchwork of personas, and getting too specific risks exposing the cracks.
Next time they evade a question, don’t let it slide. Say, “You always change the subject when I ask about you—why’s that?” If they get weirdly defensive or brush it off, you’ve hit a nerve.
7. Their Mood Changes Abruptly
One minute, they’re the life of the party—bubbly, charming, magnetic. The next, they’re withdrawn, irritated, or ice-cold. Their energy shifts depending on who they’re around, what they’re getting out of the situation, or how much attention they’re receiving. This isn’t just regular mood swings (like the ones that Psychology Today notes are due to rising blood pressure); it’s more like they’re struggling to maintain whatever persona they’ve built, and the cracks show when they’re not actively performing.
A good way to spot this? Notice what triggers the shift. If they get noticeably colder when attention isn’t on them, or if they switch personalities depending on the room, something’s off. You can call it out with a light but pointed comment like, “You were just super into this conversation a second ago—what changed?” If they can’t give you a straight answer, it’s because they don’t even realize they’re slipping in and out of character.
8. They Imitate Others
You introduce them to a new group, and suddenly, they’re mirroring someone else’s speech, mannerisms, even style. It’s almost eerie—like they’re scanning the room for who they should be rather than just showing up as themselves. This isn’t admiration or natural influence; it’s full-blown personality hijacking. They don’t have a strong sense of self, so they absorb the traits of whoever they think will help them fit in.
A fun way to test this? Bring up something they used to say they hated—maybe a music genre or fashion style—and watch their reaction. If they suddenly love it because someone cooler does, you’ve caught them. Call it out with a smirk: “Didn’t you used to hate this? Or was that just last week?” If they get flustered, they know you see through them.
9. They Exaggerate Their Achievements
They don’t just say they’re good at something—they’re the best. They didn’t just have a decent job; they were basically running the company. Their stories always have an edge of too good to be true, but they say it with such confidence that people rarely question it. The problem? When you start digging, the details don’t hold up.
The easiest way to expose this is to ask for specifics. If they claim they “ran” a project, ask them about their exact role. If they say they “used to be an actor,” ask what they worked on. If they give vague or shifting answers, they’re fluffing up their resume—for life.
10. They Do Everything For A Compliment
They don’t just want a compliment; they need one. Everything they do seems designed to get reassurance—about their looks, their talent, their intelligence. They’ll downplay themselves just to hear someone argue otherwise (“Ugh, I’m so bad at this”—cue fishing for “No, you’re amazing!”). And if they don’t get the reaction they want? They sulk, withdraw, or suddenly act like they don’t care.
The best way to deal with it? Stop feeding into it. When they’re obviously fishing for validation, don’t give it automatically. Instead, ask, “Do you actually believe that, or do you just want me to say the opposite?” It forces them to recognize the pattern—and you’re no longer playing into their need for constant reassurance.
11. They’re Always The Victim
Every bad situation? Never their fault. They’ve been wronged, betrayed, misunderstood—always the innocent ones in a world full of villains. Their ex was crazy, their boss was toxic, and their friends abandoned them for no reason. But there’s a pattern: different scenarios, same sob story. Somehow, they’re always the ones who got screwed over.
If you notice this, start asking why. “Wow, that sounds rough—why do you think this keeps happening to you?” If they can’t answer without blaming everyone else, it’s a sign they’re avoiding self-reflection. A person who’s truly self-aware will acknowledge their part in things. Someone who’s playing a role? Never.
12. They Lack Genuine Enthusiasm
Ever notice how their reactions feel off? Like they know they should be excited about something but can’t quite get there naturally? It’s because they don’t have real passions—they latch onto whatever seems impressive or trendy. They might hype up something online but show zero real engagement in person. There’s no spark, just a rehearsed response.
A fun way to test this? Ask them why they love something. Not what they love, but why. If their answer is generic or flat (“I just think it’s cool”), they’re probably performing. Someone truly passionate lights up when they talk about what excites them. Someone faking it? Their energy won’t match their words.
13. They Struggle With Emotional Intimacy
They can talk about anything—except their real feelings. When things get too personal, they joke, deflect, or suddenly get “busy.” Vulnerability is uncomfortable because it requires authenticity, and that’s something they struggle to maintain. So instead of forming deep bonds, they keep things fun, light, or chaotic—anything but real.
If you want to test this, open up about something personal and see how they respond. If they immediately shift the subject or brush it off, they’re avoiding connection. Call it out gently: “You always change the topic when things get serious, why?” If they sweat, they know you see through the act.
14. They Struggle To Be Alone
They always need to be around people. Whether it’s a party, a situationship, or just background noise, solitude makes them restless. Being alone would mean sitting with themselves, and that’s something they avoid at all costs. Because deep down, they don’t fully know—or like—who they are without an audience.
A simple way to test this? Ask them what they do for fun alone. If they struggle to answer, or if their “alone time” still somehow involves social media or constant distraction, they’re avoiding themselves. You don’t even need to call them out—just notice it. Because people who can’t sit with themselves often don’t really know themselves.
