Everyone has been caught up in the butterflies and heart-eyes of a new romance that feels almost too good to be true. And sometimes, that’s exactly what it is. While there’s nothing wrong with getting swept off your feet by someone special, there’s a huge difference between genuine courtship and what experts call “love bombing.” Let’s get into the red flags that might mean you’re being love-bombed, not courted.
1. They Disappear Then Reappear With A Vengeance
Ever had someone ghost you only to come sliding back into your DMs? Yeah, that’s not cute—that’s a classic love-bombing move, according to the University of Colorado. One minute you’re wondering if your phone is broken because they’ve gone radio silent, and the next they’re blowing up your phone with heart emojis, elaborate explanations, and promises that sound too good to be true. They’re trying to make up for their disappearing act by turning the romance dial up to eleven, sending you enough “thinking of you” messages to fill a novel, and planning elaborate surprises that seem designed to make you forget you were ever worried in the first place.
This isn’t just someone being “bad at texting” or “super busy with work.” When they bounce back, they come back with what feels like an emotional U-Haul full of affection and attention. They might blow up your phone with paragraph-long messages about how much they missed you, send multiple deliveries of your favorite things to your workplace, or suddenly want to plan an elaborate weekend getaway—all while skillfully dodging any real conversation about where they disappeared. If someone can go from complete silence to love-struck Shakespeare without missing a beat, something’s definitely fishy.
2. They Mirror Your Interests Too Perfectly
You casually mention your obsession with true crime podcasts, and the next thing you know, they’ve binged every episode of your favorite shows and are dropping random facts about serial killers like they’ve been studying this stuff since birth. While having things in common is great (and totally normal!), love bombers take it to a whole new level of “Wait, are you actually me?” This is about them morphing into your carbon copy. One day you mention loving vintage vinyl records, and suddenly they’ve got a whole collection and opinions about obscure bands you’ve never even heard of.
And they don’t just adopt your interests, they often try to one-up you in them. Mention you like hiking and suddenly they’re planning epic mountain expeditions and buying expensive gear like they’re about to climb Everest. The scary part (as if it wasn’t already scary)? When you start paying attention, you might notice these interests seem to disappear as quickly as they appeared, especially once they feel they’ve “hooked” you. As Psychology Today notes, this behavior is insidious—they’re essentially trying on personalities like outfits, seeing which one gets the best reaction from you.
3. They Make You Feel Guilty For Wanting Alone Time
Picture this: you’ve had a long day at work, and all you want is to face-plant into your couch with some takeout and Netflix. Normal, right? But when you tell your love bomber you need some me-time, they act like you’ve just announced you’re moving to Mars. They’ll send you messages like “I guess you don’t want to spend time with me anymore” or “I thought what we had was special.” Suddenly, your completely reasonable need for personal space turns into a guilt-fest that would make your Jewish grandmother proud. They might even throw in some greatest hits like “I’ve never met someone who needs so much alone time” or “My last ex always wanted to spend time with me.”
The kicker? This guilt-tripping isn’t just about them missing you—it’s about control, as Psychology Today explains. They’ll start making “jokes” about how you’re probably talking to other people when you’re alone, or they’ll blow up your phone with “just checking in” messages that are really their way of monitoring what you’re doing. Before you know it, you’re feeling guilty for basic self-care activities like going to the gym alone or having lunch with a friend. It gets to the point where taking a shower without texting them feels like you’re committing some kind of relationship crime. If someone makes you feel bad for wanting to binge-watch “The Great British Bake Off” in peace, that’s not love, that’s manipulation.
4. They Want All Your Attention 24/7
They’ve got to have ALL of it, right now, no sharing allowed, as the Cleveland Clinic explains. We’re not just talking about someone who double-texts you (which, we’ve all done). No, this is next-level stuff. They expect you to be essentially glued to your phone, ready to respond to their every message within microseconds. If you take longer than two minutes to reply, they’re sending follow-up texts like “Hello???” and “Are you ignoring me?” They’ve appointed themselves the CEO of Your Time & Attention Inc., and they’re running that company into the ground.
And it doesn’t stop with just texting. They expect you to drop everything—your work, your hobbies, that doctor’s appointment you’ve been waiting three months for—whenever they want to see you. They’ll show up uninvited at your workplace “just to surprise you” (spoiler alert: your boss is not amused), or they’ll camp out at your favorite coffee shop because they “just happened to be in the area” for the fifth time this week. If you try to set any kind of boundary, they’ll act like you’re personally responsible for all their emotional well-being. It’s exhausting.
5. They Plan Over-the-Top Dates
Okay, sure, we all love a bit of romance, but this person plans dates like they’re auditioning for the next season of “The Bachelor” while simultaneously trying to outdo every romantic comedy ever made. We’re talking helicopter rides to dinner on their third date, surprise weekend trips to Paris (yes, actual Paris) by week two, or renting out entire restaurants just for the two of you when you barely know each other’s middle names. While this might sound like a dream come true (hello, who wouldn’t want to feel like the star of their own romance movie?), there’s something important to remember: if it feels like they’re trying to recreate every viral TikTok proposal at once, they probably are.
The real red flag is in the timing and the intention behind it. These grand gestures aren’t growing naturally with your relationship; they’re being used like emotional credit cards, racking up debt they’ll expect you to pay back with loyalty and obligation later. They’re not asking if you’re even comfortable with big gestures, or if you’d actually prefer a quiet night in with takeout and board games. Instead, they’re creating these elaborate scenarios that make it hard for you to say no or express any kind of doubt about the relationship. After all, how can you question someone’s intentions when they just spent three months’ salary on a custom-made snow globe featuring a tiny replica of the coffee shop where you first met? (Yes, that’s a real example, and no, it’s not as cute as it sounds when it comes with emotional strings attached.)
6. They Lay It On Thick
We all enjoy a good compliment. But this person throws compliments at you like they’re in the middle of a game of dodgeball. Within days of meeting you, they’re already declaring you’re the most incredible/beautiful/brilliant/perfect human being who’s ever graced the planet with their presence. They’ll call you their “soulmate” before they even know your sushi order, and they’ll swear you’re “not like anyone they’ve ever met” so many times you’ll start wondering if they’ve actually met anyone else before. It’s like they’ve got a PhD in hyperbole and they’re determined to use every superlative in the English language to describe you.
But here’s the thing that makes your gut do that weird little flip: these compliments often feel less like genuine appreciation and more like they’re reading from a script. They’ll praise things about you they couldn’t possibly know yet, or attribute qualities to you that feel more like their fantasy version of you than the real deal. And if you try to deflect or downplay their over-the-top praise? They’ll double down so hard you’ll feel guilty for not accepting their version of you as gospel truth. It’s like they’re painting this perfect picture of who they think you are (or who they want you to be).
7. They Rush The Relationship’s Timeline

Hold onto your bloomers, because before you’ve even figured out if you like their taste in music, this person is talking about moving in together, planning your future wedding, and picking out names for your hypothetical children. They’ll casually drop things like “when we’re married” into conversation on your second date, or start referring to you as their “future spouse” on social media before you’ve even decided if you’re exclusive. It’s like they’ve got a relationship fast-forward button and they’re smashing it with both hands while yelling “THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL!”
And don’t even get me started on the social media aspect of this whirlwind romance. You think you’re just having coffee, but the next thing you know, they’re changing their relationship status, posting couple photos with captions like “Finally found my forever!” and tagging you in relationship memes about growing old together. They’ll introduce you to their entire family at a surprise dinner (surprise for you, that is) three weeks in, and suddenly you’re being added to their family group chat and getting invited to their cousin’s destination wedding next summer.
8. They Get Upset Over Your Other Relationships
Surprise, surprise—your love bomber has the jealousy levels of a telenovela character. They get twitchy when you spend time with literally anyone else, including your childhood bestie, your sister, or even your goldfish (okay, maybe not the goldfish, but honestly, give it time). They’ll start making “funny” comments about how your friends are “taking you away from them” or suggest that your weekly family dinner is “excessive.” Before you know it, they’re trying to tag along to your girls’ night out or your regular Sunday calls with your mom, claiming they “just want to be part of your whole life.”
The real issue comes when they point out supposed flaws in your friends (“Did you notice how Brooke always makes everything about herself?”), question your family’s intentions (“Your brother only calls when he needs something”), and generally try to position themselves as the only person who truly “gets” you. They might even start creating little emergencies or planning romantic surprises that just happen to conflict with your pre-existing plans. Suddenly, you have to choose between keeping your regular lunch date with your college roommate and attending the surprise concert they bought tickets for—and guess who gets sulky if you choose your friend?
9. They Give Gifts That Feel Like An “IOU”
At first, their gift-giving seems amazingly thoughtful and generous—they’re showing up with everything from your favorite candy to expensive gadgets you mentioned once in passing. Sweet, right? Except these gifts start feeling less like presents and more like tiny emotional debt collectors. They’ll remind you about these gifts during arguments (“After everything I’ve done for you…”), use them to justify inappropriate behavior (“But I bought you that iPhone, so why can’t I check your messages?”), or bring them up whenever you try to establish boundaries.
The really uncomfortable part is how these gifts often escalate in value and frequency, way before it makes sense for your relationship timeline. We’re talking expensive jewelry by week three, or a designer bag casually left in your car “just because.” And if you try to decline these lavish gifts? Cue the guilt trip of the century, complete with accusations about you not appreciating them or not being “invested” in the relationship enough. They’ll insist on paying for everything, then use it as evidence of their devotion—and eventually, as ammunition when you don’t meet their expectations.
10. They Avoid Deep, Meaningful Conversations
Love bombers can talk for hours about how amazing you are and how perfect your future together will be, but try to have a real conversation about their past relationships or their feelings about commitment, and suddenly they’re evasive. Everything stays surface-level like they’re following a script from “Romance For Dummies.” They’ll redirect deeper conversations back to showering you with compliments or making grand future plans, all while skillfully dodging any questions that might reveal who they really are beneath all that charm.
And when you do manage to pin them down for a serious talk? They’ll either give you answers so vague they’d make a fortune cookie writer proud, or they’ll turn it around on you faster than a pancake at IHOP. Try to discuss your concerns about the relationship’s pace? They’ll start talking about how their ex had “trust issues” too. Want to understand their emotional availability? Suddenly they’re planning a surprise weekend getaway to “show you how much you mean to them.”
11. They Create An “Us Against The World” Narrative
Your love bomber starts painting this picture where your relationship is some epic love story that “nobody else understands.” They’ll start pointing out how your friends “just don’t get” your special connection, or how your family is “trying to keep you apart” because they raised an eyebrow at your three-week relationship anniversary celebration. It’s like they’re directing a romantic drama in their head, and you’re the co-star who didn’t get to read the script first. They’ll create artificial drama just to prove how you two can “overcome anything together.”
They start turning every minor obstacle into evidence of how the universe is testing your love. Your bestie expressed concern about how fast things are moving and they responded with, “They’re just jealous of what we have.” Your mom suggested that maybe moving in together after two weeks isn’t the best idea, and they said, “She’s trying to control you.” Your cat hissed at them literally once and they screamed, “Even the animals are trying to tear us apart!” Before you know it, you’re isolated from your support system because they’ve convinced you that nobody else could possibly understand your “unique” relationship.
12. They Have Convenient Emotional Crises
Your love bomber has got a sixth sense for when you’re about to have independent plans. You’re heading to your best friend’s birthday dinner? Suddenly they’re having an existential crisis and need you RIGHT NOW. Got a big job interview? They’re mysteriously feeling “really low” and need your support all day. It’s like they’ve got a PhD in crisis timing, and their dissertation was on “How to Make Everything About Me.”
And these aren’t just regular bad days—these are full-on emotional productions. They’ll text you things like “I don’t know if I can go on without hearing your voice” when you’re in an important meeting, or have a complete meltdown right before your sister’s wedding because “you’ve been so distant” (translation: you’ve been busy with normal wedding party duties). These crises magically resolve themselves the moment you cancel your plans to be with them. It’s like emotional whiplash—one minute they’re in pieces, the next they’re perfectly fine, suggesting you order takeout and watch a movie since you’re “already here.” Convenient? More like calculated.
13. They Love-Bomb And Devalue In Cycles
You’re being treated like you’re literally the second coming of Beyoncé—they’re posting about you on social media every five minutes, telling everyone who’ll listen (and even those who won’t) about how amazing you are, and basically treating you like you hung the moon and stars personally. Then, bam! Suddenly you’re getting subtle digs about your appearance, backhanded compliments about your achievements, or “helpful” suggestions about how you could be “even better.” It’s like going from basking in the sunshine to getting hit with an arctic blast.
The really messed up part? These cycles start getting shorter and more intense over time. The highs get higher (think grand gestures that make romance novels look low-key), and the lows get lower (hello, passive-aggressive comments about how their ex “at least knew how to dress for success”). And just when you’re about to hit your breaking point during a low, they’ll switch back to adoration mode. They’re basically playing emotional ping-pong with your self-esteem, and somehow they’ve convinced you that this is just what passionate love looks like (spoiler alert: it’s not).
14. They Make You Question Your Own Reality
We’ve got the grand finale of love bombing red flags—when they start making you feel like you’re living in some weird alternate reality where up is down and red flags are just regular flags that just got a little hot. You’ll start questioning things you know for sure happened, like when they said they’d call and didn’t, but somehow convince you that you’re “remembering it wrong” or being “too sensitive.” They’ll swear they never said that thing you distinctly remember them saying, or that you’re “misinterpreting” their perfectly clear actions.
The scariest part is how smooth about it they are. You find yourself thinking things like “Maybe I am too needy” for wanting basic respect, or “Perhaps I’m overreacting” when your gut is screaming that something’s off. They’ll rewrite the history of your relationship in real time, making you feel crazy for remembering things differently. And when you try to call them out on their behavior, they’ll hit you with the classic “You’re just not ready for real love” or “Nobody else has ever had a problem with how I show affection.” Before you know it, you’re apologizing for having perfectly normal reactions to their absolutely bonkers behavior, and that’s exactly where they want you—confused, off-balance, and dependent on their version of reality.