We’ve all been hit with a memory of our parents out of nowhere—maybe it’s the smell of your mom’s lasagna or the echo of your dad’s laugh—and suddenly you wish you could tell them just one more thing. We all carry these unspoken words, these conversations we meant to have “someday.” The truth is, someday isn’t guaranteed, and those things we always meant to say can become our biggest regrets. According to the United States Census Bureau, more than a quarter of the U.S. population in 2021 (26.4%) had lost both parents. Here’s what people most wish they’d told their parents while they had the chance.
1. How Much They Meant To You And How Much You’ll Miss Them
We all assume our parents know they matter to us—it’s obvious, right? But here’s the thing: there’s something powerful about actually saying the words “You mean everything to me” that no hug or greeting card can replace. Maybe it feels awkward or unnecessary, especially if your family isn’t the mushy type. But countless people have shared that same hollow feeling of regret, wishing they’d pushed past that awkwardness to tell their parents just how deeply they mattered in their lives. Besides, according to the Pew Research Center, 4 in 10 parents report being tired, so it could be nice to throw them a bone knowing the exhaustion they’ve endured.
Those everyday moments we took for granted—Dad’s terrible dad jokes at the dinner table, Mom’s way of knowing exactly what’s wrong before we say a word—seem so ordinary until they’re gone. Then suddenly they become these precious memories we’d give anything to relive. It’s wild how we can spend decades with someone, sharing the same space, the same air, and still leave so much unsaid. The simple act of telling them “You’re not just my parent, you’re so much more” could mean more than we’ll ever know.
2. The Regret They Feel Over Unresolved Conflicts
According to Verywell Mind, people carry different types of emotional baggage from their childhood—those arguments that were never fully resolved, the misunderstandings that created invisible walls, or the words spoken in anger that left lasting marks. It’s tempting to let sleeping dogs lie, to think that bringing up old hurts will only cause more pain. But here’s the deal: addressing these unresolved feelings isn’t about pointing fingers or reopening old wounds—it’s about healing and understanding.
The most profound regret many people share is not having the courage to have these difficult conversations while there was still time. Whether it’s forgiving them for past mistakes, explaining how certain events affected you, or simply acknowledging that while things weren’t perfect, you understand they did their best—these conversations can bridge gaps that might otherwise stay forever. It’s scary to be vulnerable, but the alternative—carrying these unsaid words forever—can be even harder to bear.
3. The Impact They Had On Your Life
You know those times when you catch yourself saying something exactly like your mom would or handling a tough situation with your dad’s signature patience? It’s kind of mind-blowing how deeply our parents’ influence runs through our lives (and kind of inevitable, as explained in Vice), even in ways we don’t notice until years later. Their words become our inner voice, their values shape our choices, and their wisdom (even the bits we rolled our eyes at as teenagers) somehow becomes our own.
The real kicker is realizing how rarely we circle back to tell them about these moments—those times when their advice saved us from a massive mistake, or when their example gave us the courage to take that life-changing risk. Maybe it’s the way your mom taught you to stand up for yourself that helped you ace that big presentation, or how your dad’s work ethic inspired you to start your own business. These aren’t just cute stories, they’re the behaviors that show up in every success and strength we have, and sharing them with our parents can give them a kind of peace and pride that no achievement of their own could match.
4. How Much You Cherish Your Favorite Memories Together
It’s amazing how certain memories stick with us forever—like that road trip where everything went wrong but you couldn’t stop laughing, or those quiet Sunday mornings when Dad taught you how to drive a stick shift. These seemingly random moments become the stories we replay in our minds years later, each one a tiny piece of the relationship we built with our parents. The simple act of sharing these memories shows them that those moments mattered just as much to us as they did to them.
Looking back, we often realize that what made these memories special wasn’t the big events or expensive gifts—it was the ordinary moments that became extraordinary just because we shared them. Maybe it was the way your mom danced in the kitchen while making dinner, or how your dad would always stop to help strangers with car trouble. Telling them about these cherished memories not only validates their parenting but also gives them a glimpse into how their everyday actions shaped our happiest moments.
5. How Their Sacrifices Benefited Your Life
The full scope of parental sacrifice (often becomes clear only when we’re older, facing similar choices ourselves or watching friends navigate parenthood. Those extra hours they worked when we were kids weren’t just about money, they were about creating opportunities they never had, ensuring we could pursue dreams they couldn’t imagine for themselves. Every missed vacation, every delayed purchase, every personal dream put on hold represented a conscious choice to prioritize our future over their present.
Their sacrifices opened doors we might never have known existed—from education opportunities to stable home environments, from extracurricular activities to the luxury of pursuing our passions. Looking back, we can trace so many of our successes and opportunities directly back to their choices: moving to a better school district despite the longer commute, staying in a job they disliked because it offered better benefits for the family, or putting their own education on hold to support ours. The ripple effects of these sacrifices continue to influence our lives in ways we’re still discovering. And understanding and acknowledging these sacrifices isn’t just about gratitude, it’s about recognizing the depth of their love and commitment.
6. The Traditions You’ll Carry Forward
Family traditions—whether big holiday celebrations or small daily rituals—create the ties that hold our family’s story through generations. Maybe it’s the special birthday pancakes that always came with whipped cream smiley faces, the annual camping trips where everything went wrong but created the best memories, or the way they always left silly notes in your lunch box well into high school. These traditions, seemingly simple at the time, become the framework for how we understand family, love, and belonging.
Each tradition they created or carried forward becomes a living legacy, a way their influence continues to shape family life long after they’re gone. The Wednesday dinners where everyone had to be present, no matter how busy life got, taught us about the importance of family connection. The holiday rituals, from specific ornament placements to secret family recipes, weren’t just about celebration— they were about creating a sense of continuity and belonging. Now, as adults, we find ourselves recreating these traditions with our own families, understanding finally that they were never just about the actions themselves but about creating moments of connection.
7. What You Learned From Their Mistakes
Every parent makes mistakes, and watching them navigate their failures taught us as much as their successes did—maybe even more. Their missteps in relationships, career choices, or financial decisions became valuable life lessons that shaped our own paths and helped us avoid similar pitfalls. Sometimes these lessons came from seeing them acknowledge and grow from their mistakes, other times from watching them stubbornly repeat the same patterns, teaching us what not to do.
The beauty of recognizing their mistakes isn’t about judgment—it’s about understanding that they were human, learning and growing just like us. Their willingness to admit when they were wrong, or their struggle to do so, shaped our own approach to accountability. Watching them navigate their imperfections gave us permission to be imperfect ourselves, while still striving to do better. Some of us learned the importance of work-life balance by watching them work themselves too hard, while others gained financial wisdom from seeing them struggle with debt. These lessons, though sometimes painful, became the foundation for many of our own life choices and values.
8. The Ways They Made You Feel Safe
That fundamental sense of security our parents created becomes the bedrock of our emotional well-being and shapes how we handle life’s challenges. Those moments when they checked under the bed for monsters weren’t just about imaginary creatures, they were teaching us that we could always turn to them with our fears. The way they dropped everything to pick us up when we were stranded, stayed up all night when we were sick, or simply provided a steady presence during our personal storms created an unshakeable foundation of trust and safety.
As adults, we recognize that this sense of security was carefully crafted through thousands of consistent actions and responses. The way they handled our scraped knees, broken hearts, and shattered dreams showed us that no problem was too big or too small to bring to them. Their reactions to our failures and mistakes—with understanding rather than judgment—taught us that we were loved unconditionally. This emotional security became the blueprint for how we handle difficulties and support others in our own lives, rippling outward through our relationships and, for many of us, our own parenting.
9. How They Inspired You
Remember that time when your mom stood up to that unfair boss, or when your dad went back to school in his forties? These moments of strength, resilience, and courage become blueprints for our own lives, though we rarely think to tell them. Their examples of perseverance through tough times, kindness in the face of adversity, or unwavering integrity in difficult situations often become the foundation of our own character without us even realizing it.
We sometimes forget that our parents are more than just parents—they’re individuals who faced their own struggles and triumphs, and watching them navigate life taught us invaluable lessons. Whether it was your mother’s resilience as a single parent or your father’s ability to stay positive through health challenges, these examples shaped who we became. Sharing how their strength inspired us gives them a gift: the knowledge that their struggles weren’t just personal battles, but stepping stones of inspiration for the next generation.
10. Your Plans And Dreams For The Future
Parents invest their lives in helping us build our futures, yet we often keep our dreams and aspirations close to our chest, especially as we get older. Maybe we’re afraid of disappointment, or perhaps we’ve grown used to handling things on our own. But here’s what we forget: our parents’ greatest joy comes from seeing us dream big and chase those dreams, even if those dreams look different from what they imagined for us.
Sharing our hopes, plans, and ambitions with them isn’t just about keeping them in the loop – it’s about letting them know that the foundation they built for us is strong enough to support our biggest dreams. Whether it’s starting a family, changing careers, or moving across the country, letting them into our vision for the future gives them a chance to not just witness our journey but to feel like they’re still part of it, even if they won’t be there to see it all unfold.
11. How Proud You Are of Them
While parents spend decades expressing pride in our achievements, we often forget to turn that spotlight back on them. Their resilience through life’s challenges, from career setbacks to personal losses, deserves recognition and admiration. Whether it’s how they reinvented themselves after retirement, handled health challenges with unwavering grace, or maintained their principles through difficult times, expressing pride in them validates their journey beyond parenthood.
Watching them navigate their later years with dignity, adapt to changing technologies despite the challenges, or continue to grow and learn well into their golden years—these achievements deserve just as much celebration as any graduation or promotion. Letting them know we see and admire their personal victories can shift the parent-child dynamic in beautiful ways, creating a more balanced relationship. Their strength in facing life’s challenges, their willingness to evolve with the times, and their commitment to personal growth set an example that continues to inspire us into our own adulthood.
12. Your Gratitude For Their Perspective
The wisdom of our parents often reveals itself slowly, like a photograph developing over time. What once seemed like outdated advice or irrelevant life experience gradually proves itself invaluable as we face our own adult challenges. Those moments when their perspective helped us see situations differently or avoid major mistakes weren’t just about specific advice—they were about understanding life’s bigger patterns and truths.
Their insights, drawn from decades of experience navigating relationships, careers, and personal challenges, offer a kind of wisdom that no book or class could provide. Looking back, we can see how their perspective on everything from choosing partners to handling workplace conflicts came from a place of deep understanding of human nature and life’s complexities. Even in areas where we ultimately chose different paths, their viewpoint helped shape our decision-making process and understanding of consequences. The way they could see beyond immediate gratification to long-term implications, their ability to read people’s true intentions, and their understanding of what truly matters in life are insights that have become more valuable with each passing year.
13. How They Shaped Your Definition Of Love
Our understanding of love—how to give it, receive it, and recognize it—starts with our parents’ example. Whether through their relationship with each other or their devotion to us, they created our first template for understanding what love looks like in action. The way they handled conflicts, showed affection, supported each other’s dreams, or maintained connection through difficult times became our unconscious blueprint for all future relationships.
Even in imperfect situations, their example taught us valuable lessons about love’s many forms. Maybe we learned about forgiveness by watching them work through difficulties, or about dedication from their unwavering support, or about unconditional love from their acceptance of our mistakes and changes. Their influence extends beyond our childhood, shaping how we build and maintain relationships, express affection, and understand commitment. Whether we choose to emulate their example or consciously do things differently, their impact on us is lasting.
