Yes, I Sleep Around, And I’m Tired Of Being Judged For It

Sex is personal—who you sleep with and when is between you and your partner and I’d never think of judging someone for what goes on in their bedroom. Unfortunately, people don’t show me the same courtesy. I like casual sex and I don’t see a problem with that, but apparently everyone else does and they’re not afraid to say it. WTF?

  1. My life, my rules. At the risk of sounding like a corny Instagram caption, I determine how I live my life—no one else. I’m old enough to take full responsibility for my actions. If I suffer some bad consequences, it’s all on me. No one else gets to dictate who I sleep with, when, or how often. If I enjoy it, I’ll keep doing it. I appreciate the concern, but at the end of the day, this is what I feel like doing at this stage of my life and I plan to continue.
  2. Not everyone has found “The One.” I’m ecstatic for friends of mine who have found their soulmates, but it would be great if they stopped rubbing it in my face. Yes, I acknowledge that having a partner to wake up to every morning and have by your side constantly is great. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that person yet, so I can sleep around if I want to. We’re all in different stages of our lives and you have to respect that—I do. I’ll also be gracious enough not to rub their divorces into my friends’ faces in a couple of years when those “perfect” relationships fall apart.
  3. I’m being safe, so there are no grounds for concern. I get tested for STDs religiously. I’ve been doing it ever since college because it gives me peace of mind. Using protection is always a priority to me and I’m always careful with my partners. I hate when people try to justify their meddling by claiming that they’re “concerned.” That’s for my doctor to worry about, not judgmental jerks who think they know what’s best for me.
  4. I’m not that fragile. I totally realize the risks of getting hurt by a toxic guy. Sex and intimacy are serious and sometimes things do go sour. I’ve been on both ends of it so I’m aware of just how painful it can be when this happens. However, my feelings are in my control. I can’t stand the constant warnings I get from friends. I’m mature enough to understand my feelings and handle situations accordingly.
  5. No, I won’t end up alone with a dozen cats. I feel like everyone does the whole sleeping around thing at some point in their lives. This by no means sets you up for loneliness. I have a ton of friends who slept around in college then ended up happily married. There’s time for both in life, so we should all relax.
  6. Enjoying casual sex doesn’t make me a slut. There’s a difference between sleeping around and being a slut. I don’t put out for every guy who says “hey” at the club. If I go on a date with someone, have a great time, and decide to take him home, that’s totally fine. I live in a big city with over a million people in it. Chances are that I’ll meet more than one person I like. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with multiple people if I have some interest in them. My number is high, but that doesn’t mean I’m easy.
  7. No, I’m not a “bad example” for other women. I refuse to believe that a sane adult will go sleeping around with strangers because they saw me do it. Everyone needs to make their own decisions and not copy what someone else is doing. That’s kindergarten-level advice. The only thing I want others to copy from me is the determination to stay out of other people’s business.
  8. Maybe I don’t have time for a relationship. We’re all busting our butts to make it in some area of life. Some own businesses, others work towards pursuing their passions. Our professional goals can take up most of our time. If I don’t have time for a relationship, I’d rather sleep around than date someone and make them unhappy. I don’t deserve to be judged for that. I’m actually being thoughtful here, so if anything, I deserve some credit.
  9. It’s ridiculous to think that I’m going around seducing guys left and right. Some judgment I’ve received has been downright absurd. One friend of mine was concerned that because I’m single and sleep around, I’ll “seduce” her boyfriend. Apparently enjoying sex means I have no boundaries or standards and I’ll take anyone I can get. Ugh, yeah right. Plus, if someone is that insecure in their relationship, I’m the least of their problems.
  10. Yes, I’m happy—now stop asking. I have to admit that at some stages of my life, I’m just bored. I like to sleep around instead of doing the boring monogamous thing. That doesn’t mean I’m miserable, though. I sleep around entirely by choice, not because no one wants to date me. I’m fed up with friends worrying about my happiness. In fact, I always tell them that they should spend some time being single. They’ll be shocked at how it changes their lives.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.