Yes, You’re Strong & Independent, But It’s Okay To Want Love Too

When you’re totally (and sometimes stubbornly) self-reliant, dating can be a bit of a struggle. Not only is it often a challenge to find a guy who can handle a woman like you, but it can also be tough to convince yourself that it’s okay to be vulnerable with someone else. Still, being single can get old for even the most badass women out there. Here’s why being a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a guy but wants one anyway is nothing to worry about:

  1. You can be in a relationship without being dependent. You don’t just lose your sense of independence because you found someone to be with. In fact, if this person really is worth your time, he’s going to appreciate your independence and let you do you. True love means supporting the other person as an individual, and there’s nothing wrong with searching for someone who will do just that for you.
  2. The desire for love is a human one. You might not die for want of a boyfriend, but what your heart is wanting right now isn’t a whole lot different than your stomach growling when it’s hungry. We, as human beings, naturally want to love and be loved. If you believe that you’re somehow weak for wanting such a thing, it’s the same as believing you’re weak for wanting to sleep when you’re tired.
  3. The right partner will build you up rather than tearing you down. A good boyfriend isn’t going to leech away your independence. Instead, he’s going to encourage you to be your best self. Of course you don’t NEED him around, but it can be nice to have someone in your life who brings out the parts of yourself you love the most. Just because you enjoy being with someone who brings out the best in you doesn’t mean you’re incapable of being awesome on your own.
  4. Your strength isn’t defined by your relationship status. Countless powerful women in history have had romantic partners and it didn’t make them any less badass. On the other side of the coin, there are also plenty of single women out there who feel that they need a man’s approval in order to feel worthy. Your strength and self-worth are defined by YOU, not who you are or aren’t dating.
  5. Wanting a partner and needing a partner are two different things. It’s one thing to say that you’d like to jump back into the dating pool again and another thing to say that you can’t function without a boyfriend. If you’re leaning more towards the former, you have nothing to worry about. Wanting to find someone to love isn’t a threat to your independence unless you make it one.
  6. Knowing what you want is a part of being strong. There are plenty of strong women out there who aren’t sure if they want to be in a relationship or not, but if you know that you want to start looking for love again, more power to you! A woman who knows what she wants and goes for it, whether “it” is a job, an achievement or a relationship is not one you want to mess with.
  7. You don’t become a damsel in distress by opening yourself up to dating. You know you’re more than capable of saving yourself, but there’s nothing wrong with having a sidekick. You know exactly who you are at this point, and that’s not going to change just because you find a romantic partner.
  8. Strong women attract strong men. When you’re self-sufficient, you might attract some losers, but you’re also going to draw in equally strong men who can not only support themselves but give you the space you need to do your thing. This means that you’re going to have a much easier time finding a guy who’s secure enough to allow you to be yourself without tying you down.
  9. When you’re independent, you won’t settle for just anyone. Strong women aren’t the type to date someone just because they don’t want to be alone. If you know you can make it on your own just fine, you don’t really have to worry about ending up with someone who isn’t worth your time. The type of love you’ll instinctively look for will be supportive without being a crutch, romantic without being smothering, and caring without being inhibiting. Really, you have nothing to worry about.
  10. If you truly are strong and independent, you won’t lose that just by looking for a relationship. When you’re powerful by nature, something like love isn’t going to take that away from you. If anything, it will make you even stronger and demonstrate that you can continue to be self-sufficient even when there’s someone there to help you. If what’s holding you back from looking for a relationship is the idea that you might lose the independence you’ve always been so proud of, relax — that’s not going anywhere.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.