You Can Love Sex & Still Be A Prude—I Know Because I Do & I Am

I love having sex and try to do it as often as possible but I still consider myself to be a prude. The two aren’t mutually exclusive—trust me.

  1. The word “vagina” creeps me out. I can’t be the only one who hates the word “vagina.” It’s a weird word and it sounds so intense, you know? VAGINA. I’d rather call it something cute like “Jordan’s private area.” Sounds modest yet spectacular. See? I’m a prude.
  2. I think sex sounds are really gross. The sound of sex is so weird. It sounds like a puppy is drowning in a puddle of mud. One time, I legit had to use earplugs in order to finish because the sound was driving me crazy. (And yes, I’m fully aware of how weird/immature that sounds.)
  3. Bodily functions are my least favorite topic of conversation. Being a prude doesn’t just mean I steer away from sexual topics, I also don’t want to hear about the diarrhea someone had after eating a pound of nachos. Bodily functions aren’t a topic I want to converse about. I know that stuff happens—trust me, I know—but I’m not comfortable discussing it.
  4. I dress like a 90-year-old woman. According to my friends, I dress like a geriatric. It’s not my fault that gauchos are comfortable and I need a shawl in order to feel complete. I’m not really a mini dress kind of girl, I don’t need my stomach hurting because my outfit is too tight. It’s not like I think revealing clothing is slutty or anything, I’m just more comfortable all covered up…
  5. I’m turned off by sexual commentary. If a guy moves too quickly sexually, I cut him out of my life ASAP. I don’t want him to call me “sexy” or compliment anything about my physical appearance. This might be judgmental of me, but if someone says something remotely sexual to me on the first, second, or third date, that’s it for us. It just feels pushy and unnatural to me.
  6. I’m a relationship girl. I don’t have sex on the first date, or the third, or maybe not even the 10th. I need to hear “we’re in a relationship” before I even consider letting someone touch me. This is partially because it takes me that long to become comfortable enough with someone to have sex and partially because I want to know I’m only sharing fluids with one person.
  7. I don’t want to discuss my sex life. I have no problem discussing sex with my significant other in the privacy of our bedroom but I don’t think it’s a conversation I need to get into with my friends and family. Do they really need to know how many times a week I have sex or about that one time we did it in the woods? I don’t think so.
  8. I’d rather not hear about other people’s sex lives either. I love hearing about my friend’s relationships—the good, the bad, and the UGLY. However, I don’t want to hear the intimate details of their sexcapades. Not only does it make me uncomfortable but it seems a little messed up. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend telling his friends every little detail of what we do in the privacy of our bedroom. Is nothing sacred anymore?!
  9. I’ve never French kissed a dude. I’m 25-years-old and I’ve never put my tongue in or around someone’s mouth. It grosses me out and I also don’t think I really know how. I’ve had plenty of people try to stick their tongue in my mouth but I very quickly denied all of those advances.
  10. PDA makes me cringe. PDA makes me very, very uncomfortable. It used to be a huge problem for my relationships. My exes would try to kiss me in a crowded room and I’d swerve my head so quick. They took it personally, which I completely understand, but I really couldn’t help it. Now, I’m a little bit better—I don’t cringe as much when my boyfriend touches my hand in public. #Growth
  11. Sex jokes make me want to run to church. I find sex jokes to be wildly inappropriate. It’s one thing if I’m sitting in the audience of The Vagina Monologues (ugh, that word again), but if I’m just chilling with my friends and someone’s telling a story and they drop a joke about “balls in holes,” I low key freak out.
  12. I’ve never watched porn. I definitely see the allure in porn but I’m too vanilla to watch it and I’d never intentionally get inspiration from any video. My idea of kinky sex is not immediately putting clothes on after we’re both finished.
  13. I refuse to give blowjobs. Oral sex isn’t and never will be for me. I don’t like it. I have no problem with other people putting their mouths on genitalia but I don’t feel comfortable giving or receiving. Before everyone reading this starts judging me, you should know that I have given a blowjob before. I was 18-years-old and it was done in the backseat of a Honda. Maybe the experience scarred me but I don’t intend on trying it out again.
  14. Overall, I’m happy. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything because I do exactly what I want, which is what I’m comfortable with. Some people might think I’m lame or they might think something horrible happened to me that messed me up sexually. That’s not the case. I’m prude by nature and I’m 100% OK with that, as are the people I date.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.