Most of us deal with lots of bad dates and crap relationships before meeting someone with whom we actually see a future. You get angry after a while about wasting so much time on all the wrong people, but what you don’t realize is that meeting the right one can only happen after the wrong one screws you over. Here’s why:
- You get your priorities straight real quick. Getting screwed over really messes you up. Once you get wrecked by the wrong person, you quickly realize that your priorities aren’t in the best shape. Hindsight shows you every mistake you ever made. The things that you compromised on just to get with the wrong person no longer seem worth it, so you’re less likely to make the same mistake.
- You stop looking for flash over substance. There are points in your dating life when you go for charm, a gorgeous face, a hot body, a fat paycheck – things that, in the larger scheme of things, don’t mean much. Because shallow attraction so often leads to a shallow relationship, after the smoke clears, you’ll recognize what a bad idea it is to be with someone just because they exhibited a bunch of fancy flash and sizzle.
- And quality becomes more important than quantity. Quality becomes your watchword because now you know that a garbage personality can easily hide behind a pretty exterior. Going after someone because of their money, their looks or their untapped potential no longer seems like a viable option. You’d rather wait around for something high-quality than settle for a cheap knock-off.
- Good looks no longer turn your head. Nothing shallow turns your head, in fact. You’ve been there. You come to realize that real beauty is something you can’t always see, and the visual thrill of arm candy isn’t enough to sustain you for long. If you meet someone genuinely amazing who’s also attractive, good on you, but it’s no longer a priority.
- You learn how to be a bit more guarded. You might see this as a bad thing, but in matters of the heart, being guarded is often a good thing. It means that you won’t fall for smooth lines or empty promises. It takes longer for you to confess your feelings and you take more time to process them when you start feeling some type of way. That will only benefit you when you finally meet the right person.
- You also discover the value of taking things slow. After getting out of a crappy trainwreck of a relationship, you don’t want to rush anything. That gives you time to listen to the right one when s/he finally comes along. You’re more patient now, as well, and actually enjoy learning all the finer details about someone. You also know the importance of making sure your values line up. You’re just not into wasting your time again.
- Your idea of “the right one” changes. Once the wrong person completely screws you over, your vision of what you want changes drastically. Even if you have an idea of what you want, it’s hard to paint a clear picture. Being in a relationship with someone you thought you wanted can teach you more than the best relationship of your life, mainly because you finally figure out what you’re really looking for in a partner. Money, material possessions, and things like that are no longer half as important as compassion, stability, and kindness.
- Your standards actually get higher. You may think you bagged the best guy – until he screws you over, at which point you realize that he was so far below you, he wasn’t even fit to be your step stool. Once you’re finally ready to start dating and opening yourself up to meeting the right person, you realize how low your standards truly were before and you instead set your sights on finding someone better.
- Your brain and your heart finally work together. Maybe the heart wants what it wants, but sometimes it wants some pretty crappy things. Let your brain get into the mix, however, and your instincts sharpen. It’s easier to see through the BS and make logical decisions – because, yes, logic has its place in love too.
- You finally know what you deserve. All the pain you went through, the sadness, the humiliation, and the heartbreak – it’s almost worth it, if only because you know you deserve so much better. So, when you finally meet a quality girl or guy, you know it, you can feel it, and more importantly, you’re ready to admit you deserve it.
