You Deserve Real Love, So It’s Time To Stop Settling For Less

You’re out there giving it your all in every aspect of life. You’ve got a killer career, a busy social life, tons of enriching hobbies and you put yourself out there when it comes to dating in the hopes of meeting a great guy. Unfortunately, all your relationships are lackluster and not exactly what you want. You often find yourself thinking it could be worse, and that’s true, but it could also be better. You deserve the kind of love you’ve always dreamed of, and you should never be settling for these things:

  1. Someone who doesn’t give you butterflies. Love is supposed to be this mad, passionate, out of this world explosive and extraordinary feeling. Don’t ever settle for something that’s simply mediocre. We’re talking about your life here. Butterflies might not happen immediately with someone, but they can develop slowly once you really get to know them. However, if it’s months into the relationship and the mere sight of him doesn’t have your heart skipping and your stomach flipping, he isn’t the one for you and it’s time to move on.
  2. Someone who doesn’t make you feel amazing about yourself. Disrespectful and abusive behavior, whether it’s physical, mental or emotional, is unacceptable. If someone is putting you down, intentionally hurting you, or making you feel worthless, you need to get rid of them immediately. Don’t ever brush an incident like this under the carpet or make excuses for that type of behavior. It is not okay, and you’re worth more than that. Your partner is supposed to be there to lift your spirits and make you see the beautiful soul that he sees in you every day.
  3. Someone who isn’t your biggest cheerleader. Don’t get me wrong — your biggest cheerleader should always be YOU, but he should definitely be next in line. You should always dream big, and he should be there encouraging and supporting you every step of the way. He should never make you feel as though you’re silly for pursuing your passions, even if he doesn’t necessarily understand them.
  4. Someone who doesn’t really listen to you. If he doesn’t believe that listening to you is important, then how on earth can he possibly care about you? A guy who wants someone who looks pretty but keeps quiet is not a man, and he doesn’t value the beautiful person that you are. Listening and communicating are the two most important parts of making any relationship work. If he doesn’t listen to you, he definitely doesn’t love you.
  5. Someone who always takes and doesn’t give. If you’re instinctively a giver and your partner has always been a taker or vice versa, it’s only a matter of time before the giver in the relationship grows resentful and unappreciated. You need a happy balance in order for both of you to feel loved and cared for. Don’t ever put up with selfish behavior. We all have needs, and while sometimes things won’t always be 50/50, they should definitely be as close to it as possible on a day-to-day basis.
  6. Someone who doesn’t make you happy at least 95% of the time. You and your partner will fight, that’s just inevitable — but take a step back to think about the ratio of good to bad times that you have. If the painful ones are outweighing the happy ones, something isn’t right. The hard thing to learn is that loving someone is never enough. A successful partnership requires so much more than love alone.
  7. Someone who isn’t willing to compromise. You’ll both have moments when, despite usually being on the same page, you’ll disagree with one another’s opinions and you’ll want to go in different directions. That’s more than okay, as long as you’re both willing to listen and understand each other’s views and able to come to a conclusion together that accommodates both of you. If someone only cares about doing what they want, then ultimately they don’t care about you and your own needs and wants — and you can do worlds better than someone like that.
  8. Someone who isn’t kind to the people you care about. Your partner doesn’t need to love all of the people that you do, and it’s highly likely that he isn’t going to simply because those are your friends and family and he didn’t choose them — he only chose you. Despite this, he needs to realize that you care about these people, and he cares about you, so he should always make a point of being nice and respectful (unless someone is clearly being offensive) regardless of his personal feelings.
  9. Someone who doesn’t share your core values. At the end of the day, the world is full of all sorts of people who like different things, travel down different paths, spend their time chasing different things and believe in what they choose to believe in. If your partner doesn’t align with you on the BIG things like marriage, kids, and monogamy then it’s never going to work out because you don’t want the same things out of life. That’s okay, but don’t stick around hoping that one day he’s going to change for you because people never change for anyone but themselves.
  10. Someone you can’t see yourself growing old with. If you don’t see forever with him now, then what’s the damn point? Close your eyes and picture what you think your life might look like in 50 years time. Where are you? What are you doing? Who is by your side? I know it seems a lifetime away, but time has a funny way of flying by. Before you know it, someday turns into today. If you don’t even believe it will last, I’m telling you that it won’t. Wait for someone you see your forever with.
Shani is a full time writer and GLOW-GETTER currently based wherever she can find a bit of peace and harmony.. Her work has found itself a home on many platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Unwritten, Style Honey, CT Magazine, and All Women Stalk. She's also the author of several books, which can be purchased on Amazon.

Shani is the founder of the #GLOWGETTERTRIBE - check it out and join on her website.

You can also follow her on Instagram @shanijaywriter.