You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Be Ready For Love

Since failed relationships have a way of pointing out our flaws and highlighting our weaknesses, it can be tempting to assume that being single is basically just a fate bestowed upon us until that “someday” moment we become perfect enough to be loved. Except that this isn’t how things actually work at all. Here’s why you deserve love and can be ready for it, even with all your imperfections.

  1. Literally no one is perfect. In theory we might get this, but really, there isn’t a single perfect person on the planet, so that kind of throws out the whole concept of needing to be. Even the Dalai Lama recently made headlines for making a bad joke, so there you go.
  2. You learn things in relationships you couldn’t learn otherwise. Newsflash: you can’t be a perfect girlfriend until you know what that means you to be one. Or a perfect lover until try and realize what doesn’t work.
  3. Your dog isn’t perfect and you really love him. In fact, he can be pretty naughty. The point is that we don’t set conditions around love for anyone else around us, so it doesn’t apply to healthy romantic relationships either.
  4. People who think you should be perfect aren’t your people. Going along with the “healthy” theme, those people who demand perfection obviously aren’t perfect themselves and clearly aren’t ready for real love. Don’t listen to them.
  5. Being good and being perfect are different. That being said, we should all be striving to be the best people we can be every day and being even better the next day. That journey is enough if you stick to it.
  6. Because you have love to give. If you love yourself enough to have extra love to give out in the world, then you’re ready, regardless of how long any of these relationships last.
  7. Trying to be perfect is a disaster. You know what happens when people try to be perfect instead of being authentic? They become anxious, controlling perfectionists, which is not a perfect personality type after all.
  8. Imperfection is interesting anyway. What’s “imperfect” is sometimes just unique, and if there’s anything we should be doing it’s being authentic, no matter how different our version seems.
  9. Because you don’t know how many loves you’ll have. If you’re holding out for perfection for the “one love”, you might be missing the opportunity to have all kinds of other loves in the meantime.
  10. Readiness has nothing to do with imperfection. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready and that’s fine. But it won’t be a magic pill that creates the you who is, that’s simply your own path to discover.
  11. The act of showing up is the biggest step. Like anything else, your commitment to trying and actually embracing the role takes you further than the rest of the stuff. It’s worrying on the couch vs going for the jog.
  12. You don’t run out of love. This isn’t a situation where you get one chance to do it right. Far from it. Even the deepest commitments require reaffirming love every single day, so you might as well start where you are.
  13. What other people love about you is different. You’re busy trying to perfect in this way, while someone is loving something entirely different about you anyway. Let them.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com
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