You Don’t Have To Dumb Yourself Down To Get Guys To Like You

You Don’t Have To Dumb Yourself Down To Get Guys To Like You ©iStock/m-imagephotography

Social expectations are fickle bitches. Even though these expectations aren’t necessarily the best behaviors, we still get them drilled into our heads until we accept them as the norm. You might be told that these norms are things you must to in order to secure a man in your life, but most of these things are stupid, outdated, ineffective and obnoxious — and you don’t need any of them to get guys to like you:

  1. Playing hard to get. This is terrible. The “hot and cold” routine is confusing and very, very unnecessary. You don’t need to make some poor guy work his ass off to “chase” you. You should definitely have a life with your own things going on, but deliberately being a pain in the ass with your intentions isn’t going to get you anywhere. If you’re interested in the guy, tell him. Don’t mess with him. That’s not cute.
  2. Picking up hobbies you have no interest in. It’s one thing to be a good listener and support his hobbies, but it’s another thing entirely to desperately throw yourself into things that you aren’t interested in at all. If you want to be involved in what he’s doing, that’s great. Learning about new things is good for your brain and doing stuff together is fun. You just don’t have to completely immerse yourself into everything he enjoys to get him to like you. Liking different things is okay. It creates this crazy thing called “chemistry” and it’s usually good for relationships.
  3. Being available 24/7. It’s OK that you made other plans before he suggested that night. You don’t have to bail on your friends and/or drop everything you’re doing to go do whatever he wants. Tell him you’re busy that night and suggest meeting up another day. It’s a good thing that you have a life outside of him. It makes you an interesting person, not a difficult one. No one wants to be with the girl who sits at home staring blankly at her phone like a creepy doll, only exhibiting signs of life when she gets a text from a guy.
  4. Texting all day. You don’t have to be in constant contact to make your interest clear. Keeping up with a barrage of texts every day is impossible when you have to do normal adult things like go to work and yell at the dry cleaner for ruining another shirt. You don’t need to remind the guy of your existence every 20 minutes. If he likes you, you’re definitely on his mind and he’ll get back to you as soon as he can.
  5. Being bitchy. Being assertive when the situation calls for it is perfectly acceptable, but there’s no reason to act like a bitch to get a guy to like you. What are you trying to prove? That kind of behavior belongs on a playground and that’s where it should stay. You’re an adult — you can convey your interest in a man without being a loser. Acting bitchy to get a guy’s attention is the adult equivalent of putting glue in his hair or shoving him off a slide. Use your words.
  6. Sitting back and letting the guy initiate everything. If you want to take him on an awesome date, do it. If you’re feeling tingly down south and want to engage in some sexy times, pounce on him. If you know where you want to eat for dinner, for the love of God, tell him. Planning and executing fun stuff shouldn’t fall squarely on his shoulders. If he has to do all the work, he’s going to resent you. Step up and get crap done.
  7. Acting dumb. Intelligence is hot. It doesn’t need to disappear when you’re trying to reel a man in. Behaving like a total dumbass is going to repel the kind of guys you’re interested in. You don’t want to be with an idiot, do you? The smart guy doesn’t want to be with an idiot either. Let those smarts shine through, girl.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.