You Just Went Through A Breakup, So Why Don’t You Feel Sad?

When you go through a breakup, you expect to feel sad. But you just ended your relationship and… nothing. Nada. Sad isn’t even in your vocabulary right now. What gives? No, you probably aren’t a soulless monster. There are many reasons why you might not find a breakup sad, at least not immediately. Here are a few reasons as to why.

1. Your brain and body are protecting you. Your body and mind protect you by blocking out negative emotions until it feels you are ready to process them. This is most common in traumatic situations, but even milder breakups can have the same reaction. Over time, you may start feeling sadness, anger, depressive episodes, or other emotions. Just remember that it is normal, even if it seems to come “out of nowhere”.
2. You’re in denial. The first stage of grief is denial, and grief isn’t just reserved for death. Grief can also take place at the end of a relationship. You may not be ready to accept that your relationship is over, and may not for several weeks. Don’t be surprised if emotions flare at random times. You could be fine one moment and then break down while sitting in your car. This is normal, so don’t feel like anything is “wrong” with you for reacting that way.
3. Your ex treated you badly. Hell, it might be a relief for you to have had the breakup in the first place. Were they always dragging you down? Did they never let you hang out with their friends? Were they just a jerk the majority of the time? Then maybe the lack of sadness could be from finally being free again. You don’t need to feel bad for breaking up with someone who treated you like dirt. As a matter of fact, don’t. Ever. You only deserve the best!
4. It feels like a relief as opposed to a burden. Were you carrying all of the weight in the relationship? Were you two always fighting over the same things over and over again? Did they make stupid decisions that left you frustrated and feeling like you were always trying to rescue them? While you think you need to be upset, your mind and body may be thanking you for getting out of a space that wasn’t very good for you. Take a deep breath, and know that it’s all over now.
5. You didn’t actually like them that much. Did you feel pressured to get into a relationship in the first place? Are all of your friends in relationships? Are your parents the type to ask when they’re getting grandchildren? If so, you may have felt pressured to be with this person just to say you had someone in your life to ward away the same questions. Tons of people feel pressured to have an SO or to even get married ASAP. To that we say fuck cultural “norms”. You don’t have to be in a relationship—much less get married—if you don’t want to. It’s your life, after all. Focus on what makes YOU happy.

More reasons you might not feel sad after a breakup

1. You could be suffering from depression or another mental illness. If you aren’t just emotionally numb after a breakup—as in you’re not feeling much of anything at all, ever—it could be a sign of depression or some other mental illness. Common symptoms can include feeling emotionally numb, sadness that lingers for weeks, a lack of motivation, and much more. But please don’t self-diagnose. Instead, make an appointment with your doctor and discuss your symptoms, especially if you’re feeling like this long after a breakup happens.
2. Your partner was way too clingy. Did you never have a moment to yourself? Were they always trying to hold you, grab your hand, or just never left you alone? Did you get panicked texts if you didn’t pick up a call or text back in a “timely” enough manner? Yeah, there’s a reason why you’re not feeling too broken-hearted over this one. Every relationship needs space for both partners to thrive, not to suffocate under unrealistic expectations.
3. You have different goals in life. Yeah, they were nice. But you wanted to go to grad school and they wanted to settle down in a small ranch-style house with two or three kids. Ew, not your thing. You’re not feeling sad after your breakup because you know that staying with them wouldn’t have made you happy in the long-run. Celebrate knowing what you want in life and chasing it as opposed to settling down for the sake of doing so.
4. They ignored you and your needs. It’s pretty easy not to miss someone when they didn’t pay you any mind in the first place. So hooray for dropping someone who didn’t give you the time of day to begin with and moving on to someone who will!