You Should NEVER Apologize For Not Wanting To Make Love

How many times have you just given in — or even worse, apologized — when you weren’t in the mood? It’s not like you just kicked him in the nuts, you just don’t want to make love — and that’s not something you should ever have to apologize for. It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday or it’s been months since you’ve been intimate; if you’re not feeling it, you don’t have to do it and you don’t have to explain why.

  1. It’s your choice too. It takes at least two people to make love, otherwise it’s called satisfying yourself. That means it’s your choice too. If either of you say no, then it’s over and you go do something else. If he tries the whole blue balls excuse, remind him he has two hands.
  2. No one’s in the mood all the time. Not even him. Why apologize if you’re too tired or just not up to getting all hot and sweaty right now? It’s fine to tell him why you’re not in the mood, but don’t dare apologize for it.
  3. You don’t owe anyone. I hate hearing any woman say she owes a guy a making love session. No, you don’t. EVER. If he spends $500 on dinner, you don’t even owe him a peck on the cheek. A thank you is in order, but that’s all. You’re not a prostitute. Him buying you dinner or doing something nice for you doesn’t equal making love.
  4. There are other ways to be intimate. Yes, intimacy is important, but making love isn’t the only option. Don’t apologize for not choosing to make love. Try doing something else intimate instead. He can either accept it or head to the bathroom.
  5. A “no”is always good enough. “No” is the only word you have to say. No explanation is required. Sure, he might ask if something’s wrong (at least if he cares about you), but he should accept “no” and not push the issue.
  6. If a guy questions it, dump his sorry ass. I think this is clear enough. Any guy who questions you or tries to guilt-trip you isn’t worth your time. He’s definitely not worth making love with, either.
  7. Your self-esteem is worth more. The moment you start apologizing, you feel like crap. He knows an “I’m sorry” is a success. He knows you’re going to feel guilty and give in shortly. Wouldn’t you rather stay strong and feel good about yourself?
  8. He either respects you or he doesn’t. I think saying “no” without an apology is a quick way to see if a guy respects you. If he accepts your “no” without question and doesn’t get pissy, he respects you. If his attitude changes or he pressures you, he’s a jerk.
  9. When you feel like it, you’ll do it. It’s not like you’re saying you’ll never be in the mood again. When you feel like it, you’ll let him know. You don’t need to apologize.
  10. Only you know what’s right for you. You’re the only one who truly knows if you want to make love right now. Maybe you’re feeling a little vulnerable and don’t want to risk getting feelings for a hook-up. Say “no” and move on — no apologies necessary. Always do what’s right for you.
  11. Maybe he’s the one who ruined the mood. Just because you were up for it to begin with doesn’t mean you’re going to stay that way. Guys are well known for ruining making love, both before and during. If he’s ruining the mood, shouldn’t he be the one apologizing?
  12. He has times when he doesn’t want it, either. He’s trying to make you feel guilty, but he has plenty of times when he doesn’t want it. Odds are, you rarely see those unless you have a high levels of passion. Would he apologize? No. He’d just roll over and go to sleep.
  13. Sometimes you have better things to do. Making love is great, but sometimes we all have better things to do. You don’t need to apologize for having other things in your life. You can make love later, but for now, you have an amazing girls’ night planned or you have to be up ultra early for that once in a lifetime job interview.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.