Reminder: You Shouldn’t Have To Work To Keep Him Interested

Reminder: You Shouldn’t Have To Work To Keep Him Interested ©iStock/svetikd

It’s natural that the beginning of a relationship is going to be way more hot and heavy than several years down the line, but that doesn’t mean the passion should ever fade altogether. Getting to know each other is exciting, but it’s a process that will take the rest of your lives together if you’re doing it right, and that’s what keeps the momentum going. In other words, you shouldn’t have to work to keep him interested, because aren’t you fascinating enough all on your own?

  1. If a guy wants to see you, he will. Assuming he knows you’re interested in him to begin with, you’ll be able to tell if he really wants to spend time with you. This won’t change months or years down the line.
  2. If he doesn’t want to see you, you shouldn’t be chasing him. There’s a difference between being available and calling a guy everyday so that he won’t forget that you’re an option. Most great relationships are made from priorities, not options.
  3. He should feel lucky to be with you. Enough said. Find yourself a dude who knows a good thing when he sees it. In the meantime, focus that chasing energy where it can actually help, like going after your goals.
  4. If he doesn’t want to commit, you can’t force him to. Sometimes we try to pick off the other women in life so that he’ll focus more on us, but even if that works, you don’t really want to be called a girlfriend for the wrong reasons. That just leads to more breakups.
  5. If he likes you, he should like sex with you. Men usually love sex — like, a lot — so if your guy isn’t too amped about it, you might want to talk to him about it, and if he’s unresponsive, rethink the sort of relationship you’re in. Also, it should go without saying that you should enjoy sex with him.
  6. He shouldn’t need you to change. If this dude’s distant behavior can be explained by the fact that he’s waiting for you to be better (at anything) before he opens up, then he probably isn’t ready for a relationship and you shouldn’t stick around waiting until he is.
  7. There’s a difference between casual and serious dating. Sure, the lines can get very blurry, but if it’s a casual thing, just go with the flow and have worry-free fun. If it’s a serious thing, he’ll either be there or he won’t.
  8. You can’t get love by playing mind games. Putting in effort to keep him interested is a nonstop process, and that can’t possibly always be authentic; it’s a game you think you can win, but you definitely can’t. Eventually the facade falls down and the real you is exposed.
  9. He definitely got your text message. When guys don’t respond, it can be tempting to try and hunt them down, even though we know that they got the text and are just choosing not to respond. If he wants to respond, he will. And if he really likes you, he’s not going to forget that you texted.
  10. Relationships aren’t a one way street. Everyone has experienced the fear of losing someone, but normally that goes away when we know for sure that they’re not going anywhere. Just as you honor a relationship to keep it going, he should be doing the exact same thing.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog