You Were Happy Before You Met Him & Will Be Again

There’s no such thing as an easy breakup, even when the guy’s a complete jerk — so imagine dealing with a breakup when you’ve lost someone you adored, someone you imagined spending the rest of your life with. It feels like there’s not enough ice cream in the world to numb that pain, but just because he’s long gone doesn’t mean he’s stolen your future happiness.

  1. No one is responsible for your happiness. Maybe this experience is a lesson that you can’t expect another person to make you happy. They might do it for a while or intermittently, but ultimately happiness is an inside job. If you were happy with your boyfriend and now he’s gone, it feels like happiness is shot dead, but it’s not. You can still find happiness — you’re responsible for it. Start small. It’s out there.
  2. You’ve been here before. Chances are you’ve been in this situation before. Even if it wasn’t with someone you loved, you know how it feels to get really badly burned and hurt by life. What did you do those other times? You got through them and you probably caught yourself smiling or laughing soon afterward. Life force is greater than any circumstance and even greater than stupid-ass boyfriends who break your heart.
  3. Happiness is everywhere. You don’t have to pull a Julie Andrews and dance through hills, but just know that your sadness doesn’t obliterate all the happiness that exists there in front of you. Seriously. The stuff is everywhere. Notice it and you’ll attract more of it to you.
  4. Yes, it’s gonna hurt, but bring it! Of course breakups are going to hurt like hell. There’s all the pain of missing the person and those annoying AF memories of the good times. You’re minding your own business when those memories strike like a flock of angry birds, making you want to burst into tears and listen to Adele under the covers all day. But if it hurts, it’s healing, and you’re gonna come out of this renewed.
  5. It ended, so it probably wasn’t that great to begin with. If the relationship was making you as happy as you believed you were then it wouldn’t have ended. The fact that it did means that there were things there that you either didn’t notice or you ignored. If the relationship is bust, it means that things weren’t as rosy as you’d hoped, so you’re actually better off.
  6. You need to delete him from your brain. Stop blaming your heart for how you feel. Your heart’s just pumping away, trying to keep you alive. Blame your head, filled with lots of thoughts about him. Erase those thoughts as much as you can because they’re just viruses and nothing good can come of them. The minute you think of him or the relationship you’ve lost, zap it! Think of something else, quick. Do something else.
  7. You’re the one who’s unforgettable, not him. You’re spending so much time thinking about and pining over the guy as though he’s the best thing since flavored condoms. But honestly, you’ll forget him really soon. One day you’ll look back and realize he wasn’t that great or handsome after all. Meanwhile, he’ll be biting his knuckles, wishing he’d appreciated the awesome person you are. His loss.
  8. Move the moment. You’re always told to live in the moment, but after a bad breakup, you need to focus on the future to get yourself out of the crappy feelings of your current situation. It’s time to move forward in life, not get held back by some loser who didn’t deserve to be in your future.
  9. Remember the good times that he didn’t contribute to. Before you met this guy, you were living perfectly fine. You were happy and had lots of stuff going for you. You didn’t even know he existed and that didn’t make you sad, so why should you be sad now that he’s gone?
  10. He didn’t complete you. You might think that he was your other half, the person who made life worth living, but honestly, you’ve always been a complete person without needing a man! Even when you had him, you were complete and fabulous. Don’t think that you need someone to make you better because you’re perfect the way you are.
  11. He can’t take away what’s yours. Inside you are things no one can ever take away from you. These might be your passions, your fire, what makes you, you. They belong to you and nobody else. You can never lose them no matter what. Remembering this is so much more important than remembering the jerk who broke your heart. You might be breaking up, but like hell are you broken.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.